<p>I am reading more about schools here on CC and elsewhere than my daughter! I want to email those admissions counsellors and have to stop myself. Last night I dreamed her entire essay! </p>
<p>I have left everything to her over high school, even to the point of not delivering the forgotten homework, and she has done well. But I’m chomping at the bit here with the college applications and annoying her and the rest of my family. I so, so, want her to have a happy college experience (mine was not very happy). I keep forgetting that people are usually happiest with things they come up with themselves.</p>
<p>What the heck is wrong with me!??? Am I alone in this? Why can’t I stop? Argh!</p>
<p>Okay. Im a rising senior and my mom is EXACTLY the same. She sends me all these articles and crap. Super annoying. but at the end, I’m thankful that I have someone who actually cares. Just don’t make your daughter think she’s going to the ivies if she really can’t…my moms always saying how beautiful Oxford will be…MOM IM NOT THAT SMART! haha but yeah you’re not the only one! :D</p>
<p>I, too, was very excited about the college admissions process. I, too, annoyed my family as I was pretty obsessed with all of it. I just came here often. It helped validate my feelings. I lurked on the Parents of the Class of 2014 thread all. the. time. In terms of involvement, ds and I were able to work out a pretty good system where he and I sat down once a week through most of the fall to talk about what he was going to accomplish that week in terms of applications. Then I didn’t bring things up until the next “meeting.” I wanted to help him with pacing - he applied to eleven schools - and I also wanted to make sure no balls were dropped with regard to safety schools - particularly those offering large merit scholarships. It’s one thing to miss a homework assignment - it’s quite another to miss a massive scholarship deadline. However, I didn’t want to micromanage him and nag him about essays every single day. So, I nagged once a week. That was tolerable to him. I did keep track of all deadlines - that is the most important thing, IMO. He decided where to apply, but I was certainly instrumental in the crafting of his list. All I can advise it to try and find the proper balance of interest and involvement and to pace yourself - it’s a loooooong year. </p>
<p>One thing that is apparent when reading many students’ posts here is that they often do not understand the whole app process. Some of it is counter-intuitive. I recently had a PM from a student who thought apps were sent AFTER his HS graduation! (guess he thought that schools quickly process apps in July, and kids start a month+ later!)</p>
<p>Ok…most misunderstandings arent that extreme, but there are many…such as thinking that schools that give great FA will give their high income family huge FA as well…or thinking that their stats will get good merit at schools where their stats are average…or at schools that rarely/never give merit…or not understanding the ED process…or thinking that they need to go to an ivy in order to get into med school…and so forth. </p>
<p>Young folks tend to assume a LOT!</p>
<p>So…in such cases, it is really helpful for a parent to help guide the process and seek out the facts. </p>
<p>however, the trick is not to be bugging them 24/7, not pushing them into a school or major that they wouldn’t like, not to ask them too many annoying questions, and making campus visits a fun experience.</p>
<p>I think you have to determine how much help they want. My DD doesn’t like looking stuff up on the internet and has trouble making decisions and she was happy for my help in coming up with a list of colleges.</p>
<p>@bopper mine is the same way. Right now she just wants to focus on studying for standardized rests & doing AP summer work and her essay, she’s glad that I am researching the actual colleges.
She knows the final decision is hers though.</p>
<p>If it had been up to my D, she would have had NO safety schools that we could afford and which she would have wanted to attend. I put a lot of work into that.</p>
<p>FWIW, those of us who work in education reserve the term “helicopter” for parents who ask professors or administrators (but mostly professors) for special consideration, extensions, extra credit, exceptions to FERPA, and so on. It’s a whole different thing.</p>
<p>I confess I am a Helicopter Mom and proud of it. Both my sons were very appreciative that I took the time to help them research Colleges, took them on campus tours, gave constructive criticism on their essays and helped them proof their applications. Both my sisters have already said they want me to help with their kids applications when the time comes and that is why I still check CC for up to date information.</p>
<p>College can be a really scary thing for parents. It’s not just letting your kid go, it’s figuring out how to fund them… how to get the best educational fit for your buck. Personally, I let my mania out on research. I researched endlessly and in the end, I was glad that I did as it was me who found D’s private “dream school” which came in at state school price (and state was really all we could afford with no financial help.) I know I drove D crazy last summer and fall but by April, she was gushing how incredibly grateful she was. Most her school friends had either no or awful guidance. There were some really sad stories in her graduating class this year… high end students who just didn’t pay attention to the finances, over-estimated their chances at merit and ended up at safeties (and of course, they didn’t put the effort in finding a safety they liked!) Many of D’s older friends outside school friends are wealthy and had private admissions counselors. It certainly did show in their results (and I’m not saying it’s because they all got into the Ivies or something. I just mean that come spring, they had all strong options they were excited to choose from.) I guess I was trying to replicate that… though those families were less stressed because someone ELSE was nagging their kid about deadlines and editing their essays. Thankfully, there were mom’s who were way crazier too lol. One mom we know wrote six different college essays and told her kid to “choose one.” </p>
<p>I like to think I learned to channel the crazy well. I never contacted a school. I let D ask her questions at the college info nights and remained silent myself. I didn’t write her essays or fill out her applications. I learned to write down questions and college suggestions for D and wait until I had several to communicate with her… otherwise, it was a daily thing and that was just overwhelming to D. A few days a week of college talk is plenty. I found another mom who was like me and we let all our mania out on each other with frequent coffee and walking dates. That spared the family a LOT! Helps to find a parent whose kid has totally different interests and aspirations so no uncomfortable competition. </p>
<p>I will say, I feel much better now lol. It’s just weird to have all this info in my head now and no use for it (my youngest is just entering high school.) I guess that’s why I stick around here even though she’ll be gone in a couple weeks.</p>
<h1>9 I wish I had a fellow mom to obsess with. The mom I sort of talk to about college (coz she asks) is my younger kid’s bff’s mom. We’ve known each other forever but her older kid is already a rising junior in college. Her kid went to a somewhat pricey HS and only applied to a handful of schools (three maybe?) and is happy at the state flagship.</h1>
<p>Y’all are my fellow obsessive moms & dads. Thank goodness for CC.</p>
<p>I was similar to turtletime. I did not write essays or applications- only paid for them. Ulitmatley D decided where she was going to apply and where she will attend. We made roadtrips for school tours. I did learn quickly not to voice my opinion so I did not sway her opinion. D is our eldest so this was all new to us. The information overload was overwhelming to D at times. In the end I think I was able to keep her on track. I spoke with other parents; some who were like me, and others who did nothing. We were in much better shape with me actively involved. One friend of D’s still have yet to complete FAFSA and the kid moves to college in 25 days. I also used cc as a sanity check to make sure I was not going overboard.</p>
<p>I tried to strike a balance. My elder son would never have done anything without a lot of prodding, and he occasionally bristled, but he needed it - he was not only applying, but auditioning for BFA programs. My younger son is much more resourceful, and I simply drove the rental car on some college tours, and enjoyed the trip. Fortunately, they both attended a private boarding school, with an excellent college guidance office, and weren’t here for me to pester full-time. I started writing essays about college visits and impressions, to contribute to a friend’s blog (her daughter was a high-achieving student, when I had an underachiever). I continued with a travelogue for my younger son. It allowed me to put all my concerns into words and to explain a lot of the complexities and vagaries to the uninitiated </p>
<p>All I can say is “know your child” and make sure each child has the appropriate measure of guidance to get them through the application cycle. I have one who is driving the process - has been away at boarding school so is used to depending on no one but herself. I have had little input into the college process as she has worked very closely with her college counselor at boarding school. Yet when I looked at the list of schools they came up with, I could not have put together a better list myself. A pleasant surprise. </p>
<p>Next child up is extremely bright but comes up short with organizational skills. The type that will do the A+ paper but forget to turn it in. I cannot remember a day where I have not had to drive him back to school in the evening to fish some god forsaken worksheet or book out of the “locker from hell.” He arrives at 6 a.m. ice hockey practices usually missing at least one skate or his stick. You can be sure that I will have to keep track of every deadline and nag him to the ends of the earth to complete his essays on time. While I am sure I will drive him crazy in the process I will do it anyway because that is what it will take to get his particular child through the process.</p>
<p>My kids welcomed the help. We started pretty early (near end of sophomore year) with a copy of Fiske to pick out some options to visit. We only visited schools they wanted to see, and ones that I also found acceptable (no real conflict on that). I made sure they were signed up for standardized tests on a timely basis with time for a retake if needed. Then I helped them keep track of deadlines, essay topics, etc. Agree that you don’t want to make them crazy, but you also should not wait until end of junior year to start, either.</p>
<p>The college application process is like going to Disneyworld. SOMEONE needs to be the planner. Sometimes it’s the kid; sometimes it’s a parent. Otherwise you show up at noon at the Magic Kingdom during Thanksgiving week, wander around, and things go badly.</p>
<p>Good analogy! In D16’s case, she’d be asking me for directions to get there once she hit the freeway-- and it might or might not be one that actually gets you there.
Right now both kids are narrowing down (well, supposed to be) their lists from about 40 schools to eight or ten. D gave me parameters for her list of 40 and she and I surfed the web a bit, though I ended up making the list of schools I thought she should look at. S has his sights on a couple of super-reaches, and hasn’t bothered to look at any that are more likely. I may have to put a metaphorical gun to his head (threatening him with the JC would probably work) to get him to do it.</p>
<p>Be the quarterback but let your kid be the star receiver who scores the touchdowns! But remember to trust your coaches for the play calling. In other words, be a conduit between your kid and the CORRECT information. Read and read, and learn to segregate the typically horrendous advice available from your GC and adults in your community from the helpful experiences shared … right here. </p>
<p>Keep everything organized and let your kid make SIMPLE choices. Show two schools and ask for a preference. Do not show a box full of brochures. </p>
<p>Do NOT contact an adcom directly. EVER EVER, </p>
<p>Build a calendar with deadlines and drive all the FAFSA decisions. The biggest decisions are related to safety schools, and it is important to start there. The kids do NOT like them but will feel relieved when the applications are done and admissions roll in. Most of the safety schools require very little effort from the student. Sending transcripts and LOR is a task for … parents! </p>
That was tolerable to him. I did keep track of all deadlines - that is the most important thing, IMO. He decided where to apply, but I was certainly instrumental in the crafting of his list. All I can advise it to try and find the proper balance of interest and involvement and to pace yourself - it’s a loooooong year. </p>