Help a CC'er out by grading my essay!

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>All comments are greatly appreciated! =)</p>

<p>Question: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?</p>

<p>Despite the fact that there are a plethora of people that are knowledgeable in keeping secrets such as CIA agents, most mundane people tend to not be capable of keeping parts of their lives private. As a result of people their lives in the spotlight by using social media or tending to reveal themselves to others, it becomes more imperative for people to keep aspects of their lives private. As seen in the novel In Living Color by Michael Brinkley and the case of the Kim Kardashian scandal, it is detrimental to one’s lives if one cannot keep his or her life private since it can lead to his or her eventual demise. </p>

<p>As demonstrated by the life of Michael White in the novel In Living Color, retaining aspects of one’s life to oneself can even be essential to saving one’s relationships with the people they care about in life. For example, Michael White was addicted to Twitter and used it on a daily basis. But one day, he tweeted about how much he hated his girlfriend after a fight which led to their eventual break-up. In fact, had Michael not posted the tweet, he would have been able to fix his relationship with his girlfriend instead of them no longer talking. Therefore, it is beneficial to one’s relationship to keep one’s life private. </p>

<p>The event of the Kim Kardashian scandal has proven that keeping one’s life private is beneficial to one’s career as well. In December 2007, a video of Kim Kardashian and Ray-J having an intimate moment leaked on the internet and became viral on Youtube. As a result of the video, Kim Kardashian lost her job as the CEO of Michaels Corporation and lost the respect of millions of people. Had she not leaked the tape, she still would have a successful career as a CEO and would not be currently working at McDonalds. Therefore, her scandal proved that keeping one’s life private can be essential to keeping one’s career from decling. </p>

<p>The lives of Michael White and Kim Kardashian proved that in order to truly live a satisfying life, one must able to keep certain aspects of it private.</p>

2

<p>Seriously? </p>

<p>Its a 3/4. The argument never progresses and you are giving the impression you didnt learn anything in high school.</p>

3

<p>Drawing from things that (at first glance) appear to be purely social media is probably not the greatest idea, although I will admit that privacy would be a hard topic for me to write on.
I’m not great at scoring essays, but its lack of general scholarliness leaves it with a five or six out of twelve. Maybe not a three or four, but I could be wrong.</p>

4

<p>“As a result of the video, Kim Kardashian lost her job as the CEO of Michaels Corporation and lost the respect of millions of people. Had she not leaked the tape, she still would have a successful career as a CEO and would not be currently working at McDonalds.”</p>

<p>haha whatt :p</p>

<p>you’re allowed to use factually incorrect information, but maybe you shouldn’t use something that blatantly incorrect?</p>

5

<p>I…I seem to have ignored the McDonalds statement. Anyways, I don’t know what a 4 essay looks like. Oh well.</p>

6

<p>And the novel doesn’t seem to exist. If you are going to make up sources they ought to buttresses your thesis far better than this example does.</p>