Help. Brandeis transfer essay

Iam a international sophomore student from Mount holyoke and iam trying to transfer to Brandeis.
Can someone take a look at my draft ?? I'd like some constructive criticisms. :P</p>

<p>I’d love to read/revise your essay! I’m actually a sophomore at UMass trying to transfer to Brandeis too :stuck_out_tongue: Small world, eh? You can email it to me at <a href=“”></a></p>

<p>hey send me your essay too, at <a href=""></a>. I am thinking about transferring to Brandeis, too</p>

<p>if you still need revisers, email me at <a href=""></a> - also considering Brandeis!</p>