Help Cheer My Kid (and Me!) Up Before They Go Off to UCLA

Applying to College
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Firstly, this is not a humble brag.

Kid is superbright and her dream schools were Columbia, Smith and Vassar. And they got into all three! But then discovered there were issues: Columbia has a stringent common core taking up 1.5 years and they are STEM focused, Smith was not strong in their major (Chem) and Vassar was just too expensive for what it was.

So they compromised and went for UCLA.

Now at the start of the application season you’d told us both they’d get into UCLA they’d be delighted and me too (because we are in state).

But as they prepare to go off in a few weeks, we are both feeling quite sad.
They are lamenting not doing more research BEFORE applying and applying to more tech schools and perhaps Columbia wouldn’t have been that bad.

I’m lamenting as I didn’t push back when they said UCLA because inner me was delighted it as it was cheaper but now we have ample money (inheritance came in …) and it makes more sense to give them their inheritance earlier in the form of a private education.

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Congrats! Saving the inheritance for potential grad/pro school and/or other needs/wants works. UCLA is a great school and the student can find her tribe there (or transfer as desired).

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Thanks. The problem is that we now have enough for a private school, their home down payment and we can still retire as planned.

We are both feeling like it was such a waste of effort and a great experience gone missing. No disprect to UCLA it’s a fine fine school

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I think it’s time to look forward, not backwards. Enjoy undergrad school. Also, nothing is forever, so if this student really isn’t happy, they can apply to transfer elsewhere.

But they should give UCLA their all…go with the idea they will enjoy all this college has to offer them.

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But is that really true? Can they go back to Columbia in a year and have a realistic chance of getting in?

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I didn’t say Columbia. I said they could transfer if they find UCLA is not their cup of tea.

But if this is only because they want to attend an Ivy, I think that’s not a great reason.

And if this student plans to attend graduate school, those elite colleges will still be there for that…when the time comes, and assuming he does well in undergrad school.

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You are having buyers remorse , and this is not uncommon. I think your student and you parents need to start thinking of the positives of UCLA, and not any regrets over other colleges.

And to this But it’s not an Ivy, I say, please put all of this aside.

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Note quite. Of the schools she had the option to attend it was the best fit. As I mentioned in the original post, the other three had material faults but at the start of the year were their dream schools.

It’s more that this was a great opportunity that was missed.

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You are making the assumption a private school will give them a better outcome and experience.

It may. But it may not. And UCLA has amongst the best food in the country. So they’ll eat well which does matter - helps for studying.

If you think in most cases people would have selected last of the four, I don’t think that would be the case.

Maybe Columbia but not necessarily Vassar or Smith unless that’s what they want

Yes shame on them for not knowing an about Columbia’s core but that likely doesn’t take away from their STEM education they’d have received there. But it’s what happens when you chase a name instead of a fit.

And I’m not sure that applying to a more STEM-y school whether it be School of Mines or Rose Hulman etc would have mattered.

At this point, kids are starting at Harvard and UCLA, LSU AND Western Kentucky.

They all have bright futures ahead if they work at it.

I feel like if you picked Smith or Vassar, you’d lament leaving UCLA.

No reason to be sad. Your daughter has the chance to excel. That’s up to her, not the school.

But if she would have changed her application list - well, she learned a lesson about preparation.

Good luck to her.

Ps - and now you have $200k more in the back. You say to give her the inheritance on the form of a private education. I bet when she looks back, she’d appreciate that $200k plus annual interest in the bank.

Frankly, and if she’s going to grad school, you likely made the best long term decision.

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Lol. What does this mean? What is, “… what it was.”? I’m a huge fan of Smith College but it and Vassar are peer schools, though Smith does offer an engineering degree.

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Smith was quite generous and gave her a $20K scholarship and made her a STRIDE scholar (so guarantee research spots). But the Chem program just didn’t have the instrumentation and lab work she wanted to do. Vassar is a fine colleges but for a STEM education in Chem that requires lots of lab work it wasn’t a good fit.

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Well that’s part of the regret. Apparently in Chem, one goes directly from UG to Ph.D. with no masters to pay for. But you are right if they want to do a more professional degree like an MBA or Med school.

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Not sure this will make you or your child feel better, but a friend’s daughter who chose UCLA for Chem over Columbia and Berkeley. She also plans to pursue a PhD and liked UCLA’s feel better than Berkeley, even though Cal is more renowned for Chem. I think she would have chosen Columbia largely because of the name factor but the financial gap was too wide and the family didn’t want to take out loans. They are now very happy with UCLA and have made up for some of the financial savings by buying a TON of UCLA merch.

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I’m OOS and know people who happily pay 6 figures (or close) for their kids to attend UCLA – all have enjoyed their experience at the school. I also know CA residents who wish their kids got into UCLA.

As I tell my kids (and myself), hindsight is 20/20. You made the best decision with the information you had. UCLA is a great landing spot. At this point the best plan is to attend UCLA with a positive attitude and make the most of the four years there.

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Well, you seem very resistant to being cheered up! How’s your kid actually feeling? Look, UCLA is great. It’s prestigious with great food and will provide a rigorous and well-resourced chem education. If your kid’s dream school was Columbia and she didn’t know about the Core…was it really her dream school, then? The first thing one learns about that school is the Core. “A crush is nothing more than a lack of information…”

Your kid is clearly intelligent and talented. They will do well at UCLA and then onto whatever is next, well-prepared from undergrad. Best of luck to you both as you navigate the shifting tides of life.

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And btw assured research is overrated. If she wants to do research at UCLA, I’m sure she can.

And honestly, it’s easy to say you’ll go to PhD but not easy to do. Maybe that interest won’t be there or maybe the opportunity won’t be.

And either way, you still have $200k. Plus what it makes over the next four years - minimum of $10k a year in govt securities. If you don’t want it, please wire it to me.

And isn’t your name Mr. Cheapo ? You won !!

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Yep. My kid chose UCLA over UCB for that very reason and also because of the 4 year housing guarantee.

Columbia is a fine school but operates as a liberal arts college for undergraduates with 1.5 years of the core curriculum (social science, humanities etc) and 2 years of the major. The common core is pretty much the minor or 2nd major if you are a STEM major in Columbia College.

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Don’t rub it in! Part of me feels I cheaped out with my kid been given a once in a life time opportunity and literally 3 months later we could have afforded it after the inheritance.

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The UCLA experience so far has been great. Her room mates seem good (on paper) she got the classes she wanted etc. But she (and I) know she compromised and for a kid who worked so hard for four years to compromise it’s sad.

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Why not invest the inheritance money? Your daughter might need the money for graduate or professional school a few years from now, perhaps at Columbia!

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