This is common, but I do not think that you can count on it. I have seen cases where students apply for a (funded) PhD but are accepted to a (not funded) master’s degree instead. Admissions to PhD programs can be VERY competitive. Probably close to half of the other students in my daughter’s PhD program for example got a master’s first, and she is in a program that currently has a few master’s degree students who had applied for the PhD program (this is not in chemistry, but is another science).
The lab experience can be very important. As one example, if wanting to get a job with just a bachelor’s degree, a job in a lab is a likely choice, but getting this will be helped a LOT by having a LOT of lab experience.
It can be difficult predicting what finances will look like in the future. We still could have either bad inflation or a stock market sell off in the future (or worse, we could have both). Having a bit extra in investments to cover this is a very good idea.
Yay!
Life is about compromises.
Classes at UCLA will be demanding. The competition will be strong. The main point of working so hard for four years of high school is NOT what university you attend. Rather, the main point of working so hard in high school is to be well prepared for the tough classes and strong competition in university. Some of your daughter’s chemistry classes will be full of very strong premed students. There will also of course be lots of very strong chemistry and biology students. Having worked very hard for four years of high school (and seeing what acceptances your daughter got she must have done very well indeed) will put her in the best possible position to do well at a very academically demanding university.
My expectation is that well before Christmas / New Year’s break she will figure out that UCLA is a great place to be.
Your kid still has a once in a lifetime opportunity. If they seize and take advantage of the opportunities UCLA will provide, they’ll get a great education at a great university.
It wasn’t a compromise - it was a choice.
UCLA has a fabulous chemistry department. There shouldn’t be any regrets.
Yes, that’s spot on. But still it seems like UCLA is a compromise because it wasn’t a great fit for her either but still a great choice. Some of the SLACs with a strong science focus could have been better.
Seems like you were focused on UC from the start….and were concerned she wouldn’t get in.
UCLA will be great if she wants it to be great. And if she thinks up front it doesn’t fit, then it won’t.
You already know the other three didn’t fit. The Columbia core, Vassar lab equipment, Smith I don’t know - the lack of name recognition.
Are you wanting her to leave UCLA and go to a CC so she can transfer - I’m not sure where. Harvey Mudd ? Carleton? Allegheny ? Juniata ? Kalamazoo ? They are all ranked top 10 in Chem PhD per capita, higher than UCLA and dwarfing your other three, if they even have any future PhDs at their schools.
Some go to the dream school and hate it. Others go to the school they got into vs the one intended and four years later could never see themselves anywhere else.
She’s going to school, not you. Time to move past.
This sounds like you are now comparing it to places she didn’t apply to or were never near the top of the list. It is rare in life that we select the absolutely certain to be #1 best choice when there are a plethora of options. If one wants to, they can drive themselves crazy with all of the options that “could have been better.” There may be a potential spouse out there that could have been a better fit than the one you chose. A better house. A better fit car. Vacation spot. A better bed or couch for your comfort or back. Better Retirement investment option. And on and on. Your kid picked an excellent school for excellent reasons. It is time to move on from the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” and focus on all of the incredible positives about what is.
Maybe start listing out for yourself all of the things that are great about UCLA that will benefit your kid and just start pouring your energy into thinking about that and blocking out all the places she will not be? They are irrelevant to her life this year.
OP- I have a different take than most of the others here. Mostly because I’m a believer in “feel your feelings” (having grown up in a “stiff upper lip” family).
I think everything you’ve expressed is legitimate, and I don’t think it’s helpful to tell someone that their feelings of regret are somehow inappropriate to explore on an anonymous message board. I also suspect that some of your “UCLA” feelings are mixed in with the VERY normal and common and almost universal feeling of regret we all experience when one of the chickadees leaves the nest. There is a sense of loss that goes along with the excitement and the pride-- and I don’t think it’s at all abnormal to feel sad when your kid takes that next big step, whether it’s to “Most Preferred College”, “Dreaded Safety School”, the military (for sure the military…) or Joanne’s Cosmetology School down the block. We want our kids to grow up and leave except it’s so hard when they grow up and leave!!!
A couple of things that may help.
1- If your D does not adjust to UCLA, Columbia (or any number of other U’s) will still be there if she decides she wants to explore transferring. The key knock on transferring is that financial aid is typically not as generous for sophomore transfers as it is for freshman. But lucky you! That’s not going to be a problem.
2-There will likely be whiplash (as there is for most freshman). My own kid who would ONLY apply to U’s with a robust engineering school realized the second week of college that engineering was not for him. And then figured “I’m a physics major” until Thanksgiving. So I had to sit on my snarky “think of all the great colleges you refused to consider because you were an engineering major”. This is common. The chem major decides that Art History is “the one”. The Art History major takes an econ class and realizes “This is what I’m meant to do”. My point is that having chosen UCLA for its chem facilities was a good decision whether or not Chem is the answer-- LOTS of optionality there. So enjoy the whiplash. And pour one out for the kids who get locked in to a discipline they hate because their college does NOT have that kind of optionality.
3-Spend a minute being grateful that our educational system- warts and all- does allow for a kid NOT to have to plot out their entire career based on a high stakes test they took and a college major they had to pick ahead of time. I have European cousins. The pharmacist worked zero days as a pharmacist-- hated it from the git-go. Had to reboot professionally several times, but switching majors at this particular university was not an option. The med student DID switch out- but lost an entire year of credit (it would have counted as “Gen Ed’s” of some sort in the US) and her parents are still miffed.
Sending you hugs. You will feel better about this in a few weeks. And if your kid wants to transfer-- hey, you can afford it! What a blessing!!!
Maybe after the researchers find a cure for cancer and for male pattern baldness, they can switch their efforts toward finding a cure for buyer’s remorse.
But Columbia meets full need for transfer students, how would that be different? I get that’s not relevant for OP, but just for future folks reading this.
Pointing that out for any of the 25+ colleges that OP’s D might consider IF UCLA isn’t working for her. Not every college meets full need for transfers.
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