@NDMom123 I’m going to pile on with everybody else - have you actually run the NPCs to determine what your EFC is for some schools that might be of interest to him? You may be assuming that you don’t qualify for anything - perhaps you do.
Can you really contribute absolutely nothing? Even a 10K per year contribution will open up his options enormously. That would enable him to cover room, board, books with a loan and work study job, if he is able to get a full tuition scholarship somewhere.
You should also look into WUE schools (Western Undergraduate Exchange) - there are many options where your son would pay 1.5x in state rate. U of Wyoming, for example, would be about 5K/year tuition at WUE rate. Others are more, but many come in at less than 10K tuition per year.
I’m sorry you kind of got raked over the coals but part of the problem was how you worded the OP:
“We have a pretty nice life, but I’m thinking we make too much money (LOL listen to me) for financial aid. Worst of all is, we won’t be paying for his tuition or anything like that.”
That doesn’t say “can’t pay” or “won’t be able to pay.” it comes across like “we make decent $$$ but we refuse to use any of it for his education.” so I think that’s how a lot of people took it.
clearly your circumstances put you in the category of “can’t pay” – same here. it’s not a fun place to be. but unlike you, we can still qualify for need-based aid.
i am sorry for the position you are in. it’s a real jam. can you clarify if he qualifies for half-price tuition at UND, and if he can commute there while living at home? because if it’s “yes” then that makes UND one of the very few affordable 4-year options on the table. i would insist he at least applies there if only to lock in a decent affordable option.
your situation may force you to think outside the box and consider options you might not otherwise.
Until you run some NPC’s, and tell us what you have learned, it wil be difficult to help you. I think that once the funding is better understood, you may be able to work out a reasonable plan will your son. I would do this asap, to reduce the damage being done to your family relationships, and to your son’s future.
I also should add that we don’t qualify for the faculty discount at UND for reasons I that are a bit personal to me. We also live 2 and a half hours away in a small town, so commuting isn’t a possibility.
You have to let him have time to come to terms with it. If he’s been dreaming of one thing for years, letting go of that it going to hurt. I know. My mom informed me the summer before my senior year that she wouldn’t be paying for college (actually it was more like I started talking about college and she laughed and asked where the heck I got the idea she could afford that.) I was devastated. And furious! This was the same person who had forced me to take science electives in high school instead of musical theatre and was only now telling me it didn’t matter at all.
I found some scholarships. And I qualified for federal aid. And took out (in hindsight) way too many loans. I found a way to make it work. But it was hard. And it really, really wrecked my relationship with my mother for a long time.
My best advice would be to apologize for not having the discussion earlier, ask him how you can help, search for colleges and scholarship together, run NPC together. Discuss options like a gap year or Americorp. Honesty, co-operation and most all patience. College searching is hard for anyone. With severe limitations, it would be a minefield of stress for anyone. Acknowledge his disappointment. Let him be bitter. And then, try to work together to find a solution.
I’m doubting the veracity of the original inquiry, but if it’s real, the parents are trapping him and being ungenerous, and then judging him for being irritable and noncompliant. They are probably going to lose him forever, emotionally if not physically. He should join the military or seek full scholarships, but either way he should run far, far away.
Ok, if you live in a small town not even commutable to Grand Forks, I really don’t get why it surprises you that he wants to experience something bigger.
It is very normal to dream of something better or just different than what you already know. It’s this drive that inspires young people to go and invent something, create something, and learn something new. It boggles my mind that the OP doesn’t understand this part of human development.
Both of my children grew up in privileged circumstances, but neither dreams of staying in Massachusetts or one of the other places they have lived. This is completely normal.
If I’d worked as hard as this kid and scored that well on the ACT, and then was told I had to pay for college myself, (which is nearly IMPOSSIBLE), I’d be angry and frustrated, too. I hope at the very least, his parents will help him search for grants, scholarships and loans to finance his education.
@NDMom123, did your son take the PSAT? If a 30 on the ACT is a high score in North Dakota, perhaps he made the cutoff for the National Merit Scholarship (which most recently was a 202 in North Dakota)? If so, he could qualify for an excellent package at Alabama (and several other schools, I’m sure) regardless of the 30 on the ACT (which he can likely bring up to a 32 with some hard work anyway).
What is his budget for college? $0? Surely if your income is high enough to make you ineligible for FA (which I highly doubt, so RUN THOSE NPCs!), you can afford to contribute $5,000 - $10,000 a year.
@NDMom123 Does your husband still have his GI Bill? Can he transfer it to your son? Your son paying for schools himself isn’t an option. He won’t be able to afford it.
Well I hate to say this but if your son doesn’t get a college education then you’ll probably end up supporting him for the rest of your life. I have seen families where they refused to pay their children’s college education and they are still living at home. They have no motivation or means to get a college degree. One child I know is trying to get a job at Applebee’s and hasn’t been successful.
So it will cost you either way. The smart choice is to help him get into college and find cheap college options and get loans that he can pay back. Also make sure he picks a degree where he can get a job. This will enable him to get a job and be self supporting. There are smaller colleges out there that are cheaper than state schools so don’t just look at state schools. I will send you a PM with an excellent college that I know of that offered lower prices than state schools with your sons stats.
Help convincing your son to stay in ND?
Help building a list of schools your son might like that might give him a scholarship or grant?
Help understanding financial aid, college tax credits, and other ways you might find more money for your son?
Help with specific questions about college admissions and finance? (Do you understand abbreviations like COA, CSS, EFC, FAFSA, and NPC that get thrown around here?)
Help finding post-high school options like the military and Americorps that will cost you nothing?
Or just a place to vent about how hard all this is?
Your son can take out 5,500 in loans his first year. He can cover a bit more with a summer and part-time job
we’ll say 3k. That brings the budget 8.5k/year.
With a 32 he’d have a chance at a full ride at Howard. With a 34, he’d get a near full ride at UAlabama-Huntsville. So the first step is to buy him an ACT prep book (or check it out at the library). Howard and others on the yolasite link (I’ll paste at the bottom) might still give significant merit if he doesn’t get a full ride - I’m not sure, someone might be able to chime in on their practices. Tuskegee, FAMU, and maybe some others should already give himself full ride.
However, those schools (and most schools which will be affordable, since you’ve left him with extremely limited options) are pretty far away. Would you at least pay for transportation, since he may not get a full ride, and could be just short of money? And some where he’s almost certain to get a full ride - like Tuskegee - have pretty high minimum GPA requirements. They still aren’t necessarily great options for that reason.
Please have the financial discussion with younger siblings. Your eldest’s ACT is, what, 92nd percentile, and his ACT is maybe top 15%? That indicates college readiness, but is just low enough that it’s very difficult to pay for that education. You need to give your younger children time to process and plan so they don’t get stuck in the same boat at the start of their senior years.
So…if you are not paying for UND…but you want him to apply there…who IS going to pay his college costs? Even with the $5500 Direct Loan, there will be thousands of additional dollars to pay. Even with a summer job…there will be thousands left to pay.
It sounds like you live in a remote area. Is there even a community college with commuting distance?
You commute to UND to work. Why can’t your son commute with you?
OP in reaching the decision that you and your H would not contribute to your son’s education, what were your thoughts on how he would fund it? You seemed to have an expectation that he would attend college - how did you expect that to be paid for?
There are lot’s of ways to peel this orange. It’s not all doom and gloom and community college.
First, be sure to check out the WUE schools, which someone mentioned upthread. It’s a great program with some under-rated schools. http://wiche.edu/wue
Even with a minimum budget, he will likely be able to cobble together a way to attend schools in locations
that may be preferable to him, many large with the school spirit he’s looking for.
Several give out-of-state merit aid, in addition to the in-state 1.5 times tuition discount at a WUE school.
Check out the WUE school search website, which allows a student to sort by major, size and location. http://wue.wiche.edu/search1.jsp
Then ask him to research the specific schools that qualify and suggest a list to you.
Here are some that seem to meet his criteria, keeping in mind that some cities are more costly than others:
Washington State U
Oregon State
San Francisco State
San Jose State
Arizona State (only limited majors qualify)
Colorado State
U of Colorado Denver
Montana State
U Montana
Portland State (no big sports)
U New Mexico
Bottom line – you need to let him know what the budget is, then remove your personal criteria from the mix.
Ask him to come up with a list of schools that offer full tuition for his stats, or a mix of reduced tuition and/or merit aid, that he can present to you. Agree on the number of schools that he can apply to (assuming a cost on average of $55.00 each), then ask him to allow you one school pick.
Offer to assist him however he needs, with the understanding that there will likely be schools that he may apply to but can only attend if the FinAid works out.
Allowing him to be in charge of the search and selection and see for himself that he has some terrific, affordable options, may help the whole family with the sad fact that you are not able to finance his education in the way that you’d want.
The parents have indicated they will NOT be funding college…at all. So even with the WUE exchange…how,will,this student pay for college when all he is guaranteed in aid is a $5500 Direct Loan.
Sorry…but the issue here is the funding. If the parents come back and say they will pay $10,000 a year…there are schools where this kid might get a full tuition scholarship…and MIGHT…I say MIGHT be able to cover the fees, room and board…and books and personal expenses with a job and the direct loan.
But NO support from the parents…$0 in college help…will make all,the schools you listed unaffordable.
ETA…actually with NO financial assistance from th oarents…I’m not sure how,they think he can pay for a four year residential college in North Dakota. Those aren’t free either.
There is no budget. In the OP it stated that the parents were not funding his education.
If the boy is totally on his own for funding I am wondering what the purpose is of presenting a list of schools to the OP for her approval. Why does he need approval?