<p>I have a close relative who I recently found out is snorting crushed oxycodone she gets as a prescription for herself and when those are gone, fills her 90 year olds fathers prescription ( he doesn’t need them but she tells the Dr. He does) and takes them. Another family member found a bottle of ativan that was filled June 19 with 20 pills and was empty on June 25. And she has been drinking whiskey. </p>
<p>Whatever her parents have in the house - if it is a narcotic, we think she is taking. I am afraid she is going to kill herself or commit suicide. She is extremely depressed and aloof. We confronted her and she became enraged and verbally abusive and hostile toward my Aunt. It is horrible. I feel like I am watching a murder or a car crash and just standing by not helping but just falling apart from the awfullness and brutality of it. She is an intelligent creative soul, well educated but suffered through a verbally abusive and physically abusive toward the end, marriage. The marriage ended in a long drawn out divorce with revelations he cheated on her several times and once with a teenager, thank God no kids involved, just grown ones out of the house. He was despicable and an alcoholic. </p>
<p>I’m sorry for your situation.
I know where you’re coming from and I can tell you from my experience that the only one that can help an addict is the addict.
No amount of advice, begging or pleading with the person will change them, they have to want to change.
I kept hearing, from recovering addicts, that the person has to hit rock bottom. Well a near death overdose didn’t even change this person and she actually wore it as a badge of honor. Would brag about it.
This person went in and out of rehab 5 times, beginning at age 16, some of those stays were close to a year and one of them really turned her life around temporarily. But one of the most important things for success is not to go back to hanging out with the people you were using with, so since she did, she would relapse.
In the past 12 months, I can honestly say I believe she’s stayed sober. She’s 23 now and I know she’s trying to change but she has also been in the psych ward twice in the past 5 months so her mental health is fragile.
You could attend AlAnon meetings, I did and I learned at lot. It basically made me realize I can’t control anyone and maybe just having a backbone helped me and maybe she just woke up one day and realized she was sick and tired of what drugs had done to her life, how much she’s missed out on, how much she’s had over the years and lost. I really don’t know. I never asked her, I just know that everyday’s a struggle so I try to encourage her, and support her good choices but make it clear I won’t be there for her bad choices.
I also found out, that for me, people giving me un-asked for advice, drove me away from them because no one knows how hard it is, how scary it is and how sad it is to have someone you love be so out of control.</p>
<p>^ thank you. I think I know I can’t really help her without her wanting help, but it is horrible seeing her in this spiral. She used to be full of life and happy and now she is just vacant and sad.</p>
<p>Hi. So sorry for what you are going through. I have a relative who has been in and out of rehab several times and is finally (fingers crossed) doing well and is sober due to monthly shots of a drug that literally makes you sick to your stomach if you take a narcotic. It is an expensive endeavor for her parents but will, hopefully, pay off.</p>
<p>I have a question. Is the 90 year old parent knowingly getting the prescription filled for the narcotic? The doctor should be made aware that the drugs are being stolen from the parents and abused by the daughter. She shouldn’t be allowed to commit fraud and exploit her elderly parents. Beyond that, I agree that the rest is up to her.</p>
<p>I echo what others said. You can’t help this person, they have to seek it themselves. What you can do is what EPTR said, make sure she isn’t taking drugs meant for others. sorry you have to deal with this, I have had addicted relatives and I know it isn’t fun.</p>
<p>I am so sorry that your family is dealing with this situation. Please take care of yourself and those around this relative. Addiction is nasty, and impacts everyone. Try Al Anon for support and specific suggestions. You can’t help the addict until they want to change, but you can learn to help yourself and other family members.</p>
<p>mspearl, everyone above me has made excellent points. In the situations I have seen, the only thing that ever worked was tough love. Here are the rules. If you don’t abide, you have to leave. Every single time it worked, it was because the person was thrown out of the house and the locks were changed.</p>
<p>My aunt and I are confiscating all narcotics in my grandparents name. We are taking them out of the house and she will no longer be filling scripts. My Aunt will fill their weekly trays and we are going to ask why my grAndpa is getting oxycodone.</p>
<p>That’s a good start. One thing to be very conscious of is that an addict will do whatever it takes to fill the need. She may steal money from her parents to buy drugs if her original source is no longer available. Or other relatives or even items to sell. Keep a close eye out for that and make sure, if you can, that her parents bank accounts are secure.</p>
<p>I think my relative has major mental health issues and maybe undiagnosed bipolar disorder. For the last 10 months all she does is buy jewelry. She has given me 3 rings and several necklaces. She has given my daughters too many necklaces to count along with rings. They are all lovely but it is not necessary to give me three nice rings in less than a year. She also buys for other family members.</p>
<p>She sold her house several years ago after her divorce and got a nice sum of money. She has always been extremely frugal with money from what my aunt says and from what I observed. My grandparents almost died in a car crash last year which was the result of a young girl who was drinking and driving. They were awarded an extreme amount of money for a settlement and split it between their children evenly so she has plenty of money. She has a decent job, does not pay rent in return for being my grandparents caregiver and only expense is food, cell phone and insurance. </p>
<p>She has been on and off every anti depressant available but says they don’t work and she just continues to have severe panic attacks. Her old psychiatrist tried to steer her toward a mood stabilizer and gently introduce the fact she may be bipolar but she didn’t want to hear it because she equates that with being insane and psychotic. I ABSOLUTELY think she is self medicating and now has a severe addiction. I am going to try and take her to a psychiatrist. I am a nurse and know some good ones I can get her into.</p>
<p>It is especially sad she was so intelligent and driven when she was younger. She has her masters in education but instead is working in a job probably someone with an associates could do. And not that I am a snob about that - if anything it is lower stress. Its just sad because she is vacant. Just a body and no drive or hope. She has tried to kill herself about 17 years ago and t almost worked. That is my biggest fear.</p>
<p>My aunt and I are so worried and if my grandparents knew the extent of these issues it would kill them.Thanks for listening. I am slowly formulating a plan and I know I can’t think I can fix her…but I am going to try.</p>
<p>“I know I can’t think I can fix her…but I am going to try.”</p>
<p>You can’t fix her. I believe what you want to do is help her to fix herself. You mentioned trying to take her to a psychiatrist. Before doing that, it might be wise for you to consult with a mental health professional who can properly guide you. </p>
<p>Also, excellent move on the prescription drugs.</p>
<p>Take care, and know that we are thinking of you. Good idea with the prescriptions.
I think geo1113 has a good idea–consult with a professional who can guide you.</p>
<p>And take care of yourself, your grandparents, aunt, etc…addition impacts the whole family.</p>
<p>I don’t understand … she is your grandparent’s caregiver? What does that mean? You said your grandfather is 90. At that age it seems to me that he definitely needs to have a caregiver. I guess what I am asking is how independent are you grandparents still able to be and what are the extent of your relative’s duties? You said your relative has a job, is that in addition to taking care of your grandparents?</p>
<p>this is a case that cries out for an intervention. your local medical community should be able to help you locate a licensed professional interventionist and subsequent rehab. of course interventions are enormously painful for the family and friends who attend becayse they must tell the addict their bottom line–what they will do if the person does not seek treatment–and stick to it. that may mean no money, no contact with them, no access to children, whatever. it is a risk. the relative may indeed walk out and never talk to you again and continue her ways. but at least you will know, in case the worst happens, that you have tried your best. </p>
<p>and yes, al-anon or nar-anon is also a good place for you to learn to take care of yourself, which is critical in a high-stress situation like dealing with a relative’s addiction.</p>