Help for unemployed relative

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I don’t even know how to start this post other than to say I need help for my brother. He is a 50+ year old divorced father of three; only one still in college. My brother has been troubled with physical as well as mental illnesses, although he doesn’t think he has a mental illness!</p>

<p>Jobs are not permanent for him, and when he does have one he doesn’t always show up. My parents have been supporting him to the best of their ability, but they are getting too old to finance him. He has been evicted from his apartment and if I don’t find one for him this week he will be back living with my parents. I can not have him live there-he is verbally abusive to them and tells them it is their fault he is without family. All he want is for everyone to just hand him money and do for him. The true is, he really does have trouble providing for himself. I hate to pay for his living arrangements, but it will kill my parents if he lives there again. He is a slob and paranoid among many other things. He refuses to seek counseling and unless he becomes a threat to himself, I can’t have him admitted for more than 24 hours. One of his kids offered to help with his housing if he would seek counseling/medication, but he refused.</p>

<p>Now we are left to finding a new apartment and paying for it, having him live at my parent or living in his car. No matter what, my parents are falling apart. They can’t afford to pay for everything, yet it kills them to think he might end up homeless. Today while we were out looking for apartments my brother left 7 messages on my parents answering machine; one was over 10 minutes long! Each call was to tell my parents what a failure they were and how they never help him. Let’s just say my parents could end up homeless if they keep dishing out money to him.</p>

<p>One of his issues is he is lonely and afraid to be alone. He hates the apartment complexes as he thinks people are breaking in all the time. He sleeps with a chair against his door and most likely stays awake most of the night. He is such a slob that an individual would not rent to him once they saw how he lived-I am talking trash piled up to the ceiling in places, not doing laundry, etc. It is almost like he needs an adult to supervise him. I keep thinking something like a group home would be great for him, but I don’t think that is something we could find without him being diagnosed with a disability. I don’t think just being weird and crazy is going to cut it.</p>

<p>We have tried to convince him to seek help so that he could apply for disability, but again he will not follow through. I am trying to do what I can to take the burden off my parents. I hate seeing them so unhappy when this should be their time to enjoy like. Yesterday my dad said he knew it took a village to raise a child, he just didn’t realize if was going to take 50+ years! </p>

<p>Questions:
What organizations help people in out situation?
Any ideas on where I might find cheap but safe housing?
How do you get treatment for someone that refuses to go?
Is there any way for me to receive financial support for him without his consent?</p>

<p>Any and all help appreciated. I know I have left details out and have babbled about others. Feel free to ask questions and I will answer as best that I can.</p>

2

<p>I hope that’s not me in 20 years. snowball, that is a really tough situation and I don’t have any answers. All I can offer is my sympathy.</p>

3

<p>Would he qualify for senior citizen benefits and/or Medicaid? Your description of the situation sounds like your brother could benefit from living in some kind of a group home that would also offer support. Perhaps there is such a community in the area that he lives - something to take the burden from you and your parents. I would try to get in touch with a social worker in either a local mental health agency, or even a hospital-based program, because it sounds like intervention is needed.</p>

4

<p>What about an Intervention? With the family, a counselor, others? Can you talk to a counselor about how this would work?</p>

5

<p>snowball~</p>

<p>I am so very sorry that your parents and your entire family are currently faced with such a difficult and challenging situation with your brother. One of my best friends has an almost <em>identical</em> situation going on (actually, it’s her dh’s family who is dealing with something similar). The whole thing has been a great hardship, both physically and emotionally, on her dh’s parents, so I completely understand the tough situation (and decisons) that your parents face.</p>

<p>It is so very heartbreaking to try to deal with mental health issues in someone who does not/cannot ackknowledge his own problem. This leaves you with many less options than would otherwise be open to you. It is especially difficult when the family (specifically your parents) have been trapped into an enabling role by their love and concern for their own son.</p>

<p>Since I don’t have any idea what the mental health issue is that your brother may be facing, I hesitate to give any specific advice to your or to your parents. I will, though, underscore the idea that it is <em>not</em> just your brother who is dealing with this situation, but your entire family, and any constructive solution to this must include all of the people who have roles in the life of your brother.</p>

<p>My heart truly goes out to your parents because I cannot even imagine myself having to deal with a situation as frustrating and frightening as this one. It is a parent’s intuiton to protect and care for their children, even if that child is a grown one of 50+, but the fact is, this particular intervention will require more than they are equipped to do by themselves.</p>

<p>I would <em>highly</em> suggest family counseling since your brother is unwilling to seek out counseling himself. A good, competent therapist will be able to offer some suggestions that will benefit the entire family system. Your brother’s problems cannot be dealt with in a vacuum anyway, and your parents (and the rest of you) are in need of some serious support here.</p>

<p>I agree with you about one thing though…<em>something</em> has to change. Your parents are reaching the end of their rope financially and emotionally. Any intervention at this point is better than none. Start where there is no resistance–your parents need constructive suggestions from people who have experience with this sort of problem.</p>

<p>{{{{{{{Hugs to <em>all</em> of you, snowball}}}}}}} Please keep us updated, ok??</p>

<p>love, ~berurah</p>

6

<p>This is a hard one Snowball and may require tough love. Is there a relative your brother could live with temporarily under the condition that he will seek help (have it lined up) who will have the strength to put him out if he doesn’t? Does he have medical insurance?</p>

<p>He needs a mental health assessment and in many cases the only way to force a hand is to withold basic needs to bargain. Good luck, so many families are in your shoes.</p>

7

<p>Oh my Lord, snowball, my heart goes out to you, and your parents and brother’s kids- as well as your brother! I had to reply with my experience, because it may help you deal with this very difficult problem. Warning, though- it is a glimpse into what you and your family may or may not be facing now and in the future, and it is not easy to “hear.”</p>

<p>I have been there many times with my youngest sibling, who is brilliant and also mentally ill, as it is clear from your post that your brother is.
This is a much, much bigger problem than finding him a place to live and a job.</p>

<p>The bottom line is that the only way to intervene here is a voluntary or involuntary mental health committment, and inpatient is the way to go since it seems pretty clear that he has no insight into his illness so would not likely continue with outpatient help anyway. </p>

<p>The laws are pretty clear here, although there are small variations from state to state. He has to be a danger to himself or others to get a committment.
It may just be that your brother will be a danger to your parents if his behavior escalates, and he could also be a danger to himself in the future.
Unfortunately, you will need to involve the police if he threatens your parents. My view with all of this with my sibling was that my elderly parents had to be my first priority. When physical threats occurred, I convinced them to come to the state hospital with me, signed an affidavid about the threats, and the police and emergency psychiatric personnel came and brought her to the psychiatric hospital. After being evaluated, she was committed by the psychiatrist on duty. And so started the long journey into mental health care.</p>

<p>That was eight years ago, and she has been in and out of facilities and had off and on psychiatric care (off and on due to her frequent discontinuation of meds, which starts the whole cycle again) since then. She has rarely held a job, and for only brief periods. She did get disability, which helps with rent and food, although I and 2 of my other 5 siblings subsidize her. She has lived with me (H is a saint, kids very compassionate with her) for a year at a time off and on, and with another sister for periods of time as well, when the apartment living gets unbearable for her or others. </p>

<p>We made a strict rule about her never living with my parents, and if she went to their house, they had to call one of us immediately.
It has been very, very difficult in many ways- not the least of which is seeing the pain this causes my parents, and the pain in recognizing that my brilliant sister will never have all the joys of my life- i.e. a productive and fulfilling job, loving H and kids.</p>

<p>Sorry to paint such a tough portrayal, but it sounds like you are facing a similar journey possibly. Best of luck. PM me if you need to.</p>

8

<p>My H has a friend with a brother in a similar, yet different type of situation. I guess no two situations are alike. I can tell you that the solution that they have come to is that the parents pay an employer to keep their son employed. He has been working, and even though his paycheck is supplemented by his own parents, he is not aware of it. He has a place to hang his hat, he is working for a paycheck, and he lives on his own (I guess he appears to be more able to live on his own than your brother is able to at this time).</p>

9

<p>I can tell you a little bit about benefits and programs once he has a good diagnosis.</p>

<p>Some states have Mental Health Rehabilitation Option programs. These include supervised independent living (help with managing a household, maintaining a budget, “remembering” to do chores, basically keeping oneself together in an apartment). State Offices of Mental Health sometimes have grant money to provide living expenses (rent, utilities) while the person is being stabilized. They can also go to a day treatment program if they need more structure or get funding from voc rehab for supportive employment (help finding and keeping a job). These programs are generally only available to transition and maintain people after inpatient stays–or with a history of inpatient stays–since the goal is to prevent re-hospitalization. </p>

<p>There is also Section 8 202 supportive housing for the elderly and disabled. It provides rent based on income (it’s nominal if the person isn’t working) and supports like a cafeteria on site, 24 hour security, a van to Walmart and the doctor, emergency call pulls. The downside is that in many communities, most of the these are intended for people whose primary problems are physical–only a few will take people with the kind of self-direction issues your brother seems to have. </p>

<p>The problem is, he needs a diagnosis and a willingness to participate in treatment and discussions about the problems he’s having functioning to be eligible for these kinds of services. This may well require hospitalization. And with the family providing a safety net for him, he has little motivation to do those things. Only ya’ll can assess whether the risk that something bad will happen to him if you withdraw your support will be outweighed by the benefits of him getting help. I wish there was a magic formula I could plug in and tell you, sigh.
Crisis isn’t always a bad thing; it can be a catalyst for positive changes. </p>

<p>If he does end up somewhere that he can get a diagnosis, one thing that will help is a thorough physical exam to rule out any metabolic or other physical problems that could be contributing. </p>

<p>If none of this is feasible, there may be some private halfway houses set up for people with substance abuse problems, medical problems etc, that provide a stable place to stay, meals, and supervision for a fee much less than living in an apartment. These are going to vary A LOT in quality though, and the surroundings probably won’t be what he’s used to. You can probably get a list through your state licensing agency (as well as see what kind of deficiencies they’ve been cited for). </p>

<p>Another informal option some families use is to provide free room and board in the person’s home or apartment to a person who agrees to provide stability and supervision. If you can make a situation like this work, it’s can be very, very good, but it’s hard to find the right person to do it who can make a long term commitment.</p>

<p>Snowball, I’m sorry you’re going through this and that it’s so hard on your parents. I hope very much that things turn out well.</p>

<p>One other random thought is that your state Office of Mental Health or the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill may have a list of support groups in your area for families. These are a good source of information about local funding and programs, even if you don’t need the traditional kind of support group support. There’s a broad range of problems that fall under the umbrella of mental health, including behavior and personality disorders (which might be where your brother fits if physical causation is ruled out), so your brother can benefit even if he isn’t mentally ill per se.</p>

<p>However, it does sound like, whatever the causation, it’s fair to say he has a constellation of problems that have rendered him gravely disabled, unable to manage his own care, and at risk of homelessness. I know those words hurt when you say them all together, but I bring them up because if you have to make a case for him getting treatment or services, it could help to mention these three things, since they make a case for eligibility when there’s no immediate risk that a person will harm himself or others.</p>

10

<p>

</p>

<p>It depends on how well a court will decide your brother is functioning. It is possible to get a limited interdiction (guardianship) for medical issues, placement, or finances. Or to have a court order for these things, even without the interdiction. Other families could tell you what their experiences have been, or an Advocacy Center for the Elderly and Disabled can advise, if there is one where you are. </p>

<p>So it is possible in some cases to use an interdiction authority to apply for benefits for him and become his payee. But it really depends on his level of disability and what kind of documentation you have of it. </p>

<p>Is there Adult Protective Services in your state? Self-neglect (including unliveable surroundings) is a situation that they are supposed to look into for adults with disabilities or impaired judgement. On receipt of a complaint, they will can go out and assess your brother’s situation, and if they decide he’s in need of protection, even from himself, can help develop a plan.</p>

11

<p>Thanks for the above responses; I will try to answer what I can.</p>

<p>To qualify for any benefits and medicaid that would require my brother to be willing to sit down with somone and get the paperwork filled out. I have offered to go with him and get this done, but everytime he decides he can’t go.</p>

<p>Family counseling has been discussed with my parents, but I think they are embarrassed to go. I don’t know that for sure, but I know they don’t even tell their friends about my brother.</p>

<p>My brother always had “issues” but he is smart enough to have finished college, marry a smart women and have 3 wonderful children. Somewhere along the line, he started getting more lazy than normal, was bored with his job, and thought he knew more than the people he worked for. He actually had a high paying job for awhile in investments before he started losing money. Next came the divorce that was very messy, followed by the depression. Somewhere along the line he became paranoid and blamed everyone but himself for his failures. While he currently lives alone, he does think everyone is out to get him. He always talks about how horrible our childhood is and when I say that isn’t how I remember thinks, he says I just blocked it all out. When you hear him talk you begin to wonder how we could have such different views of our home life. The job he currently has he has had on and off for a couple of years. His boss has been good to him and puts up with my brother not coming in because “he doesn’t feel well.”</p>

<p>He is not a harm to himself and while he does say awful things to my parents, he has never threatened to harm them or anyone else. I believe he would never harm himself as he is afraid. This is a man that wouldn’t kill a fly in his earlier adult years! What is odd about how my brother treats my parents is when he is really down he calls them to spend the night at their house. Of course while he is there he argues with them. </p>

<p>Up to a year ago my brother was seeing a psychiatrist with some regularity. No one in out family like this doctor as we felt all he did was supply him with pills without coming up with a diagnosis. I meet with the doctor a few times as did my parents, but he never would help us out. His only suggest was to let my brother stay in his bedroom at my parents house and not bother him when he didn’t want to leave for days! I don’t know if my brother is bipolar or a paranoid schizophrenic, or just plain paranoid, but if we could maybe get a diagnostic and some medication I feel he would do better. I know that he is never going to be 100% right, but he could be more functioning. </p>

<p>We did have him in a hospital for a few days and he seemed happy for a while after. Of course something fell through and the doctor wouldn’t see him anymore. It seems many doctors get tired of his s**t and fire him. My parents can not afford a private stay for him and refuse to have him go to the state facility. I guess I can be a bit more open about this and feel that even the state institution would give him a roof over his head along with food and medical care. I think my parents feel that guilt again that they aren’t providing for him and that only crazy poor people go to that facility. Even with other family member’s help, I don’t think a private hospital is an option even if he would go.</p>

<p>galwaymom-you story is very similar to a good friend of mine and her sister. Fortunately, she and her family are blessed with the money to provide for her sister. While my husband makes a good living, we had planned to use that money for the kids college. I am not trying to be selfish, but I really have a hard time having my husband pay for my brother; I don’t think he bargained for that when we married 25+ years ago! </p>

<p>I know we have much bigger issues here than finding a home for him, unfortunately he needs out of his apartment by next weekend; otherwise he will be back in my parent’s house and we can not have that. Once he is there it will be very hard to get him out. We have had that fight twice already and I made my parents change their locks so he could not get in without them letting him in.</p>

<p>UCgradmary-No one wants my brother living with them; I know that is sad but it is the way it is. His children barely speak to him and my daughter thinks he is just plain weird. No medical insurance, actually he has no insurance of any kind which isn’t great as he drives a car.</p>

<p>I guess we are not great with the tough love. I have offered to help him with his medical care, but he has refused. Yet he will call screaming when he doesn’t feel well or doesn’t have money to pay his rent and then expects you to take care of it all the while treating you like dirt. I know he isn’t well and is depressed, but when he is always screaming at you, you can help but be mad at him. I found out last week that he still calls his ex wife in the middle of the night screaming.</p>

<p>OK, I think I am going to veg out in front of the TV; it has been a long weekend. Thanks for the support; I guess I just need to vent tonight.</p>

12

<p>conyat- I see you posted while I was typing my novel!! Some good ideas that I will look into. While anyone that meets my brother and speaks to him for more than 10 minutes realizes that he is off, he is capable of taking care of himself, just not in the manner we were raised. While he was hospitalize a few years ago, he was able to tell the doctors what they wanted to hear. He is smart, I was just hoping the doctors were smarter!!</p>

13

<p>BTW, to give you an idea of my mother’s thought process concerning her son, she wouldn’t let me look at some apartments as they “were full of section 8.” She has a hard time believing that her baby boy is in the same position as “those people.”</p>

14

<p>snowball,
I really feel for you and your family, and I’m glad that other posters responded with their own insight. I can relate to what you are all going through, and I know that psychiatrists can be pull-pushers without really taking the time to evaluate and work with the patient, and it can be a frustrating situation. I wish you all the best in being able to resolve everything, and please keep us posted.</p>

15

<p>snowball, my heart goes out to you right now. The fact that your parents won’t even tell any of their friends about it speaks to the shame they feel; and their reluctance to enter any kind of counseling is all too famililar with those of an older generation where stoic acceptance of life’s tribulations is all they know, no matter how bad things get. </p>

<p>One more suggestion I might present if none of the others offer remediation (or I guess it could be used in conjunction with other remedies); wherever your brother ends up, it would be feasible to come up with a contract for expectations for both parties. Make it as clear as possible what the ‘landlord’ expects from its ‘renter’ and what the ‘renter’ expects in return from the ‘landlord’. Although this may seem trite, it shows an effort of compromise on both sides and sets up consequences that everyone is aware of if the spirit of the contract is broken. Yes, it’s sort of a tough love approach, but it sets some boundaries for everyone involved, which is what is needed here. Tough love doesn’t mean you ignore your brother - in fact, I like that the word love is used - you set boundaries because you love your brother and you refuse to enable him to continue to self-destruct. To continue to enable him is in the long run, harmful, and from your posts, I can tell you very much care about everyone invovled, including your brother and don’t wish to harm him. </p>

<p>It sounds as if your parents are seeking a solution that is unreasonable and impractical, given that they allow him to continue verbally abusing them, yet won’t let him suffer the consequences of living in Sec. 8 housing. Your loyalty must feel split right down the middle between them both. It is imperative that, as you sort through the options, you retain some clarity as to whose issues are whose, and give yourself a break from the ones that you cannot control.</p>

16

<p>Snoball, after reading your new posts I’m thinking that the first thing you probably need to deal with is your parents. They need to not be embarassed by your brother, to understand he may well be very sick and their financially helping him remain in his current condition is not helping him. This is very, very common and difficult for many parents of any age.</p>

17

<p>Why do all these suggestions sound so right, but for some reason we can’t follow through? My first priority is my parents; it doesn’t mean I don’t care for my brother, but if I can save only two people it si going to be my parents.</p>

<p>I know I am not conveying the situation as well as I should; I get too emotional and angry and don’t alway think clearly. I know we are not doing all we can for my brother; for smart people, we are rather stupid about how to care for him. I would love to throw my hands up and tell him to go live in his car, that I am done; unfortunately my parents would take him back before that happened I think.</p>

<p>If a genie would grant one wish, I would wish for someone to take over for use and at least manage his situation. I only want him to seek mental help, but all he does is complain he has no insurance or money. When we tell him he needs to look into medicaid, he says he isn’t going to the indigent hospital. When you tell him most doctors see medicaid patients, he tells me he has never been to a doctor that has helped him. What he wants to do is to have someone continue to supple him ativan and leave him alone, until he wants something again and then he calls screaming he doesn’t have any money, can’t live the way he does, the family has abandon him, etc…</p>

<p>While he has never threatened to hurt himself, if he gets into a funk he will get so worked up that he starts having panic attacks. I have taken him to the ER a few times and other times we have let it ride. He do have a mild heart condition so my parents are never sure if this time it is real or he is just crying wolf. When he doesn’t call them 15 times a day, they imagine he is on the floor dying; when he calls all day, they want to die! I don’t know what will kill my parents more, my brother dying first or the stress he puts them under.</p>

<p>I know if my brother were a sick person, mental and/or physical without the attitude, my parents would be there every step of the way. It is the screaming and yelling, not be thankful they are helping that gets to them. Yesterday when I told my mother that I was going to take over all the billing for my brother at the new apartment, she started telling me I couldn’t do that, he would ruin my credit, he would be on my doorstep every moment for money and on and on. It is almost like they feel they need to shoulder the problem by themselves, that it is their burden. It does not help that my parents argue all the time about the best plan. My father is depressed and my mother is angry. I just want it all to be better today which I realize is not going to happen.</p>

<p>I just realized I lost part of my post when I copied and pasted. I will have to see what I left out and post again in a bit.</p>

18

<p>Snowball-
This is indeed such a difficult situation. Conyat has made many excellent suggestions.
A few questions- does he have any health insurance? If not, he would probably have to use the county health (and mental health) services, if he is ever willing. However, as long as you or your parents continue to rescue him, he will have no incentive to change. While it is exremely hard to do nothing and let him struggle, sometimes the best thing you can do is let him hit rock bottom and offer to be supportive if he takes some ownership of his issues and makes an effort/commitment to work on them. It sounds like his kids have learned to step back and stay out opf it. He will continue to come to whoever he thinks will rescue him from the perceived injustices that have befallen him. If you take him in, or take over his expenses, you will be in a no-win situation. Once you get tired of it and set a limit, you will instantly become the bad guy who has is “out” for him and doesn’t understand. Don’t go there. Also, if need be, either record his abusive calls to your parents or have his calls blocked. Right now he takes no ownership of his issues. Unfortunately, non-compliant individuals with mental health issues are very difficult to deal with. Sometimes you have to wait til they break the law to get additional services for them. It is sad. Any chance he ever served in the military? VA benefits are very good.</p>

<p>I have a similar, but nowhere near as bad, issue with my bro in law, who has a major sense of entitlement and lives way beyond his means. He handles money poorly and constantly turns to family for $$. Well, his fa (my f-i-l) just passsed away. We fear that he will quickly mismanage and burn through his portion of the estate (when it is divided) and I suspect he will question how the estate is divided, and possibly bring lawyers into it, which will, of course, cause $$ from the estate to go to the lawyers instead of to him. I then expect him to come to my H for a handout when he burns through his share of the estate. I hope my h will set limits, but he is a soft touch. I will have to wait and see, but my bro in law is extremely predictable. Sigh…
Hang inthere- but remember- LIMITS and BOUNDARIES. Protect your parents.</p>

19

<p>Snowball -
I’m sorry you’re going through this. There are so many individual nuances that it is hard to generalize a solution. I feel for you, but don’t have any magic answers.</p>

<p>Your situation hit a bit close to home. I have a cousin, youngest of 4, who has been spoiled rotten all his life. He is a couple years younger than me, has been through several marriages and multiple girlfriends, changes jobs often, drinks too much. He still lives in the house he was born in. His mother died a few years ago, and his father sunk into a deep depression. My uncle went through numerous health issues, and gradually lost his independence. He refused to move in with any of his other children or consider a retirement home because his son needed a place to live. Meanwhile, said son was physically and mentally abusive. Gradually my uncle distanced himself from all other support, because everyone else wanted some tough love for son. Last week it became too much for my 83 year old uncle, and he shot himself.</p>

<p>It is easy in hindsight to know that “someone should have done something” about the son, but at the time, it all seemed too hard, or none of our business, or uncle wouldn’t listen, or … Now I guess son owns the house, but will (I’m betting) soon sell it for the money, for drink or drugs, and soon be homeless.</p>

<p>So I don’t know what would work, but I know what didn’t.</p>

20

<p>No health insurance and he refuses to use the county health services; he feels he is not one of “those people.”</p>

<p>Yes, my parents have continued to rescue him; if he died or were homeless on their watch they would die themselves. I am able to let him hit rock bottom, but my parents can’t and I don’t think I can convince them to do so. I am so in the middle here! His kids don’t help as their mother has told them for 10 years what a rotten person he is. He was a wonderful father, he just didn’t make the kind of money his ex wife wanted. She resented the fact that she had to go back to work when the youngest went to school. Can you tell I never loved my ex SIL? When they married my brother was never going to be a rich man; he was a very laid back person, always liked being cared for, and was one to have a job that he enjoyed, not one that made the big bucks. This is something she thought she could change when they got married. But, he was a wonderful father until the depression hit; then he started with the phone calls all hours of the night, embarrassing his children with some of his antics, so the kids just gave up on him. Now that they are young adults, they seem to realize he has a mental illness and while they aren’t ready for a relationship with him, I think they might be willing to help out if he will seek help.</p>

<p>I called the United Way and Adult Protective Services this morning and basically if my brother doesn’t want help, we are back to square one. One suggestion made was to go to court and get an Order to Apprehend, saying he is a threat to himself or others due to mental illness. If that happened, a sheriff would come to his home and take him to the local mental health facility for a 72 hour hold. As he had done that before, I am afraid once he is out he will start the same stuff again and not continue with treatment. Then he will call my parents 15 times a day (which BTW they do not answer the phone most time, but my dad does listen to the messages.) I almost think my dad tries to punish himself by listening to that stuff. They will not block his calls because they are worried he will not be able to get in touch with them if there was an emergency. </p>

<p>I am so upset with myself as I almost yelled at my mother yesterday as she gave me one excuse after another as to why we couldn’t do this or that concerning my brother. This is tearing the entire family apart; we argue about what is best, he calls screaming at us all, a vicious cycle.</p>

<p>jym626-Yes, he is non-compliant and that is the biggest problem. If he would have agreed to my offer years ago and then several time since of psychiatric help, I feel we would have a better handle of the situation. He wouldn’t be perfect, but I really believe he would be more self sufficient with the help of the correct medication. </p>

<p>binx- I am so sorry for your family’s lose. I can see how families let these things happen and only wish others don’t have to suffer. One positive is my brother does not drink or do drugs and the money he receives from family is used to pay rent, car repairs, power, water, meds, the necessities. He doesn’t waste the money, he just doesn’t have much.</p>