<p>I am a long time user and am changing my name because this is highly personal. My cousin just graduated from a very good LAC. He was an english, theater and minor in communications major. He is also gay and hasn’t officially “came out” to everyone in the family and community which I think is causing some problems.</p>
<p>My cousin seems completely lost. A few weeks ago he took 6 xanax at one time (under his tongue so they would work faster) and cut his arm so bed he required 18 sutures. He had gotten in a fight with his boyfriend (who I think he really loved.) And that same night we had a very close relative pass away so it was a terrible time all around.</p>
<p>He seems more depressed than ever but refuses to get help. He does nothing but lay around his room (at his parents), write poetry and post strange things on facebook. He is a highly creative, talented and funny guy but seems to be falling apart. He has made no initiative to try to find a job. He would like to pursue his masters but is so afraid of the GRE and afraid he won’t pass it because of problems with math.</p>
<p>He talks about going to school out of the country but has no concrete plans and as far as I know is still taking xanax.</p>
<p>I don’t know how to help him. It makes me so sad and I am afraid if we do not intervene he will just get so down that he will hurt himself again or become a drug/alcohol addict.</p>
<p>What, as a family, should we do? My aunt is always asking me to talk to him but I have no idea what to say.</p>
<p>Hmm that sounds like hes going through a really tough time. Here are a few thoughts of mine:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Seems like hes overwhelmed and has multiple things he needs to take care of. Maybe he should try to focus on one thing at a time. </p></li>
<li><p>Been pretty depressed before. I think we all have at least small periods where we have. What I noticed is that during my darkest hours, I usually have some of the most enligening thoughts. Many times, these thoughts get me out of my funk. In other words, many times during periods of intense fear, some of the thoughts that pop into your head are your friends. Or at least I think so.</p></li>
<li><p>Staying well organized (especially when trying to take care of the tasks he needs to do) will make him less overwhelmed.</p></li>
<li><p>Here are a few thoughts which sometimes give me courage:
Youre constantly developing habits
thats a good one, getting tired so not gonna post more quotes for now.</p></li>
<li><p>Faith? I know he said he doesnt want help, but maybe theres some type of spiritual/god/self help books you can get him. That way the help wont be coming from the outside as much.</p></li>
<li><p>Be there for him. The way i see it is when i give a homeless man a dollar, he probably appreciates it more than i mignt. (the reference im making is that the homeless man really needs the dollar where as your cousin really needs a friend.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Beg him to seek professional help, and go with him if need be.</p>
<p>On the cutting – there is a difference between self-injury as stress relief, where individuals are not trying to kill themselves but rather find relief from internal pressure and stress. People who self-injure typically have been using it for some time as a means to handle stress and it is usually not an actual suicide attempt. However, 18 stitches sounds more significant injury than what the young adult cutter often engages in (we know a teen who self-injures). </p>
<p>If you are in a position to help this young man get into counseling quickly, see if you can do that. As a recent grad, he is 18+ so his parents cannot force him to seek help; as someone (I am guessing) closer to his age, you might be in a position to be less threatening and judgmental, perhaps share stories about school mates you know who have gone through emotional upheaval and the techniques they benefitted from. </p>
<p>Otherwise, in self-injury (as opposed to suicide), finding healthier ways of dealing with stress is helpful. Perhaps get him outside to run, bike, walk, swim – physical activity helps. Getting away from screens – where people can obsess about the latest developments in personal lives – helps. Self-injurers often have “triggers” that set off an episode, and if your cousin is doing the same thing every day, without variation, and he is a cutter, he may be stuck in an environment which has many triggers. Just getting him out of his rut can help.</p>
<p>Again, the bigger question seems to be is this self-injury or suicide attempts. The self-injury we are familiar with is usually controlled and ritualistic, and does not lead to that many stitches.</p>
<p>Offer your company and support in a non-judgmental way. What a difficult situation for your cousin and for your whole family, you have my sympathy.</p>