<p>I consider the “blame it on the parents” lie a way to make sure the other girl’s feelings aren’t hurt, and that’s why I thought it was a good approach. </p>
<p>One of my best friends and I wound up attending the same college and it never even dawned on us to room together freshman year. It’s not that we would have been incompatible - we both just wanted to meet new people. We didn’t even live in the same dorm! It was great because we both made lots of new friends, and then became friends with each others’ new friends. Oh, and we are still friends today (although we live on opposite coasts and rarely see each other).</p>
<p>No way is any competent housing office going to give out an extra key. And I strongly suspect that dorm keys are the kind that cannot be duplicated at commercial key-copying places.</p>
<p>Also, in general, to get into the dorm to be able to use the room key, a person has to have a university ID to swipe or wave at a sensor outside the building entry. There are no extras of these, either.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the advice. I talked to my mom about the whole situation and she finally understands and I think that she is ok with it now (she just doesn’t sound happy about it, but she’s saying that she is going to let me).</p>
<p>I just want to clarify that I don’t plan on getting drunk or any of those things, it was just something she brought up. I thought it would demonstrate some of her rude qualities. I don’t care what time it is, I would give a drunk friend a ride home to keep them from drinking and driving or getting into trouble. Besides, she wouldn’t be able to give me a ride since she won’t have a car.</p>
<p>Some of you said that I don’t have to give her a ride. We live 5 miles apart, so I wouldn’t really have an excuse. She whines until she gets her way. One time I wouldn’t give her a dollar, so she threw a fit and complained about it for the rest of class.</p>
<p>I’d like to stay on good terms with her because the last thing I want is an enemy. She is a very sensitive person about certain things (one time I was just telling her how we would get tired of being around each other if we lived together and had all of our classes together. She got so mad that she gave me the silent treatment for almost 3 days). If I was to tell the girl that I guess the housing people didn’t honor our request, I wouldn’t exactly be lying. I’ll try giving a few hints and see how they go over before I actually tell her.</p>
<p>Some things I will blame on my mom like not allowing others to drive my car, but I always feel bad about doing it on other things.</p>
<p>I am just nervous about this because if she does get mad, I will still have to have classes with her next year and then if we are accepted into pharmacy school at the same time, I will have 4 years of having all my classes with her.</p>
<p>When my daughter went off to college with one of her closest friends, we all ( my daugher and I , her mom and her ) decided they would not room together. A lot of the reasons match why you have made this choice.
They are still friends and made their own social circles as well. They also spent Easter together at my family’s home, since they live closer than our home.
I made the mistake of rooming with a high school friend and it was a disaster. It rarely works out.</p>
<p>Marian, not so sure about the key thing here…I know of college students who were able to dupe their keys and give them to girlfriends, etc.<br>
To the OP: you need to take a stand with everyone involved, your mother, the HS girl, etc. I would not try to blame it on housing or on your mother. </p>
<p>Stand up to all of them and tell them that you don’t think it would be the best thing for you. These next four years at college are the four years of your life when you have “permission” to do just what works for you ONLY. </p>
<p>Later you will have a job, children, a husband, a partner, pets, responsibilities, etc. Take FULL advantage of these next four years.</p>
<p>To the OP: Bite the bullet. Tell her the truth. It may be very awkward, but, believe me, it’s going to come out eventually. Gosh, with that big long list of negatives, I really wonder why you even want to be friends. Rooming with her would be an absolute nightmare. Get out of it now, no matter what it takes.</p>
<p>If she chooses to make a scene, then that’s her choice, and it will not be a reflection on you, and you have no obligation to sacrifice your own college experience to make her happy. If after she discovers this news, she chooses to be nasty, then take the high road (and you can as long as you don’t allow yourself to get drawn into her antics). I understand it will be awkward to be around her for four years, but if you act maturely, and she doesn’t want to be appropriately engaged in the friendship, that’s HER choice. As long as you are kind and polite about it, you have nothing to hide from or to regret.</p>
<p>Part of what you’re facing now is how to deal with conflict. No one likes conflict, but learning how to engage in it diplomatically is a very mature thing to do. The most successful people in life are ones who learn how to face conflict, and work through it.</p>
<p>Teriwtt is absolutely correct, IMHO. And if she does become nasty, you have no obligation to see her once you are at school, or to drive her back and forth, and so on. Your relationship sounds very strange to me, and the sooner you put it on a more adult footing and obtain some distance, the better.</p>
<p>I would advise NOT hinting around about this to see how she’ll take it. That will only make her feel even more insecure, provoking a larger reaction, and make a manipulator out of you. Call the housing office, find out if they will honor this new request, and if so tell her. If you manage to tell her without going into a laundry list of what you consider to be her faults, so much the better.</p>
<p>By the way, I went to a LAC that had about 1400 students at the time. There were two other girls from my HS class there, and I hardly ever saw them. (One, I think I <em>never</em> saw. )</p>
<p>Thank you all for the advice! I plan on trying to tell her sometime soon after I make the phone call. Hopefully they will honor my request! It would be horrible if I told her and then we ended up being roomates.</p>
<p>Maybe she will meet someone better during enrollment next week.</p>
<p>OKgirl - good luck - hope it all works out well.</p>
<p>Like the others have said - keep your reasons simple and non critical - difference in sleeping schedules or something. And I am ok with my kids using the ‘blame it on Mom’ technique too.</p>
<p>I would room with this person. No offense but she sounds as if she is down to business, which will most likely get her a very long way by the time she graduates from college.</p>
<p>Even if the roommate change goes through, you’ll have to learn to set limits with this girl. A temper tantrum for not lending a dollar? She sounds like she has serious problems, narcissism and manipulativeness among them.</p>
<p>Don’t let a commitment to “staying on good terms” make you do things you don’t want to do. You cannot win with this type of personality. Every agreement just leads to another area where she will seek control - look at the extensive list of “roommate rules” you have been given, months before any of it is relevant. Set simple limits and stick by them in a calm and impartial manner.</p>
<p>Let us know what happens after you contact the housing office. Simply tell them that for personal reasons you have changed your mind and would prefer to be assigned a roommate. I am sure they will honor this - many schools are hesitant about allowing friends to room together anyway, often it does not work out.</p>
<p>I think you do have to be honest and tell your friend, because:
a) she’s going to find out anyway, and if she finds out you lied by acting perplexed you WILL have World War 3 on your hands.
b) gives her a chance to find another roommate.</p>
<p>Don’t go overboard, just tell her that you’ve given it a lot of thought and you think it’s better that the two of you room with new people. End of story. If she wants to throw a fit and make an “enemy” of you… well, it’s her loss and she’s not the kind of person you’d want for a friend anyway. If she’s as clingy and petty as you describe, she’s not going to make a lot of friends at college anyway so she might come back to you (which might not be a good thing, lol).</p>
<p>This girl sounds like a master manipulator, and if you room with her, your life will become a living hell. They make suspense/thrillers about people like her…:eek:Do whatever it take NOT to room with this girl.</p>
<p>Your heart has given you all the reasons why. When someone is clingy you will feel trapped and this is the time of your life to spread your wings. Let Mom read this post. It will help her realize how you truly feel. When my daughter tells me "mom, your just not listening to me. "I really stop and think about what she is truly trying to tell me. Maybe when she reads this and hears what others say she will truly HEAR you. My freshman daughter in HS just ended a friendship and this girl was very insecure and clingy. Rather her not have her as a best friend even though I really liked the parents. She caused unessasary drama. You could be studying instead. (Just Kidding) hope this helps</p>
<p>Lots of good advice here. I’m glad your mom is seeing your point of view. You sound perhaps like someone who sometimes has trouble setting limits - wants everyone to like you, etc. That makes you a very nice person, but also sets you up to be taken advantage of. I know of what I speak - I’m like that.</p>
<p>Being honest is hard when it means someone might get mad or hold a grudge. But this person is NOT someone you need to have as a best friend. College is about growth, and stretching, and widening your circle. Your friend sounds very controlling, and this is only a taste of what it would be like to live with someone like that. NOT how you want your freshmen year of school to be.</p>
<p>I feel like you should clear it with housing first, and then tell this girl that you have changed your mind about rooming with her, based upon the list of rules she has given you. Tell her it wouldn’t be fair to her to put her in a room with someone who has no intention of living within her rules. Let her know the ultimatums made you feel uncomfortable and pressured. If she yells or pouts or reacts badly, just say, “See, just talking about it causes problems. Imagine if we were actually having to live together.”</p>