Help me fix these sentences, por favor

College Confidential Community
1

<p>“As a prospective engineering student, I realize the importance of understanding the concepts of mathematics and physical sciences.”
“These after school centers have proven to be beneficial as I have excelled in my math and science courses.”</p>

<p>any way to make them sound better?</p>

2

<p>The first one is just dull, and I don’t think you can make it any better. Find a better way to express the idea.</p>

<p>The second one I don’t understand.</p>

3

<p>i am screwed! this is what i get for writing these statements late at night.</p>

4

<p>My $0.02:</p>

<ol>
<li>As an engineering hopeful, Math and Science are important subjects to me.</li>
<li>Thanks to these afterschool centers, I have improved my reasoning skills in math and science.</li>
</ol>

<p>Both those sentences are rather dry. You should use a few examples to liven things up. </p>

<p>PS: While it’s a great idea to have people edit your writing, having too many editors can destroy your personal voice. Just a tip :)</p>

5

<p>thanks a bunch!</p>

6

<ol>
<li><p>I realized the importance of math and science to (the study of) engineering. Include the words in parenthesis, if you wish.</p></li>
<li><p>These after-school centers have helped me excel in math and science.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Comments:

  1. Are you sure you need to include the first sentence? It depends on the example you are using, but it’s obvious that math and science are important to engineering. Also, “mathematics” and “physical sciences” are not parallel. Relative to each other, “mathematics” is broad, and “physical sciences” is specific. You should either say “math and science,” or “(insert area in math) and the physical sciences.”</p>

<ol>
<li>“Courses” should be left out, unless you want to emphasize that you excelled only in math/science courses but not in math/science-related co-curriculars. It would help if you provided some context.</li>
</ol>