<p>“We did badly during the game and my confidence was at an all time low. Starting badly at the beginning of the season was the last thing i wanted. I was miserable as i did not know what had gone wrong. I had made sure that everyone played a role.”</p>
<p>Can anyone suggest what i do to make these lines more dramatic and interesting? how do i play around with the language? Please help.</p>
<p>Start with your second sentence.</p>
<p>You can’t polish a turd.</p>
<p>You could describe a volleyball game as, “Anxiety filled the air as I took a deep breath and pounded the ball with all my might, slamming it across the net and into the ground.”</p>
<p>But what would that really add to the essay? In the end, it’s just a volleyball game.
Don’t try to over-dramatize things that aren’t dramatic. Instead, you should find things to talk about that are interesting and dramatic in the first place. Your sentences sound like they have potential, though. Just dig deep and look for emotions and thoughts that you really felt during that time. </p>
<p>For example, you didn’t just, “make sure that everyone played a role,” you “spent 3 weeks drilling plays into their heads and stayed up until 1AM for the past week trying to coming up with the perfect game plan…” blah blah blah, something along those lines. Show, don’t tell.</p>
<p>You need to add more concrete details. Here is a potential edit:</p>
<p>Three dropped balls and a missed serve is no way to end the first game of the season. But despite weekly practices on the hot macadam all summer long, there it was. As I reflected miserably over what had happened, the question kept presenting itself: what had gone wrong?</p>