Help me shorten my essay please~

<h2>I've posted this essay before and this is the edited version</h2>

<p>I stood on home soil – technically the nice, waxed floors of Incheon airport – for the first time in eight years, after having gone to Australia at the age of seven with my mum and my brother. Or was this truly home? After all, I had lived more than half my life in Australia. Had Korea become a foreign country to me? Was I returning to Korea or just visiting it? Before I could savour this poetic moment however, a familiar face came into view. “Wow, you were cute when you went, now you’re uglier than ever!” my uncle joked – well I hoped he was joking – and gave me and my brother a customary headlock. My aunt and mum started their game of ‘who-can-blurt-out-the-most-amount-of-gossip-in-the-shortest-amount-of-time’ on our way to the car. During this walk however, I felt something immense hit me. At first I thought it was the Korean winter teaching me a lesson for my stupidity – I had shorts and a T-shirt on from the 35 degree (95 Fahrenheit) heat at Sydney airport – but it was something else. I wanted to ask John – my older brother – if he was feeling ‘it’ but he was too busy from the barrage of cheeky questions from my uncle; girlfriends, alcohol experiences, partying etc… I, not yet 18, was saved this torture however, and left alone to contemplate this ‘thing’. </p>

<p>At my grandparent’s apartment we were showered with hugs and kisses but I noticed significant aging in grandpa. Sure I had received his pictures via mail but to actually see the wrinkles, to notice the difficulty and the ponderousness of his steps was saddening. I was very close to my grandparents because I had lived with them when I was in Korea, and when I was young I often spent time with grandpa playing ‘Go’ – a board game consisting of black and white stones. However it was very late and I went to bed without really talking to anyone.</p>

<p>Next morning I found the apartment empty; my aunt and uncle had gone back to their apartments last night, mum had gone to the station to pick up dad who was coming up from Pusan, John had gone to a friend’s apartment a few floors up and my grandparents had both gone out. Now that the thrill of being ‘home’ had worn off, I was getting a little depressed; after all, I had no friends here. Armed with heavy clothing, I decided to go out for a walk, not prepared for what I was about to witness. I went out to the main road and saw a legless beggar, dragging himself across the snow begging for money. I saw an old woman – much older than my grandma – seated by the street, skinning garlic. I saw two men shouting at each other from their cars in the stagnant traffic because one of them refused to let the other in. And all this was happening in a supposedly affluent suburb with high skyscrapers and people walking around in brand-name coats. Suddenly I wasn’t so happy, suddenly I wasn’t so proud to call this country ‘home’. But this changed during my game of ‘Go’ against grandpa. After a lengthy game he told me that he was succumbing to age, that his worst fear was to die before seeing me get into college, get married and have children. He said to me in these exact words (translated as closely as possible), “Become a great person and do something for this country”, and while he’s told me this an uncountable number of times when I was young, this time it reached into me. I feigned frivolity and gave him an eye-roll because I did not want him to see that it had touched me – it would have been embarrassing – but that night I felt that ‘thing’ go away. I was truly happy to be in Korea; happy to see my mother and aunt gossip for hours, happy to be provoked into a wrestling match with my uncle, happy to be playing ‘Go’ with Grandpa.. Yes, this was my home.</p>

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<p>right now its 678 words... what parts could i leave out?</p>

<p>hi y17k.</p>

<p>I think you should cut down those 178 words by coming back to warcraft!</p>

<p>haha.</p>

<p>what the hell.... how do u know me ><</p>

<p>btw i started again about a week ago.</p>

<p>im on east~</p>

<p>I am the greatest ghoul user you will ever know!!!!</p>

<p>mwahahahaha</p>

<p>Don't know how many words you need to cut. I like your essay, and enjoyed reading it. Here are some suggestions to make your writing more concise.</p>

<p>"for the first time in eight years, after having gone to Australia at the age of seven with my mum and my brother. Or was this truly home? After all, I had lived more than half my life in Australia." -- redundancies, cut some of this.</p>

<p>"...amount-of-time’ on our way to the car. During this walk however, ..." -- End first sentence after "time." Then, "While walking to the car...."</p>

<p>"girlfriends, alcohol experiences, partying etc… I, not yet 18, was saved this torture however, and" -- cut all of this out -- tells about your brother, not you. </p>

<p>"when I was young I often spent time with grandpa playing ‘Go’" -- When I was young, my grandpa and I often played 'Go'</p>

<p>"Armed with heavy clothing" -- Were you carrying it? :) ...Bundled...</p>

<p>"an uncountable number of times" -- frequently</p>

<p>"because I did not want him to see that it had touched me – it would have been embarrassing" -- to hide my embarrassment (You already mentioned how it affected you)</p>

<p>There are others. Look for redundancies, or places where a heavier-hitting word can knock out a few.</p>

<p>And advice from a mom -- give up the games till your essays are done. ;)</p>

<p>wow thanks a bunch!</p>