" Being with other people is a good distraction but I tend to be very self-conscious and so after I’ve been chatting with people, I tend to relentlessly dissect what I said"
Do you find this to be equally true when with people you’ve known for awhile like family and close friends or do you experience this with just those you are super close to or haven’y known for a long period of time? I guess what I am asking is if greater familiarity reduces the anxiety in social situations?
It can be very difficult to not get frustrated - and not let your frustration show, when they need to do something (and to us it seems simple) and they really cannot “Just Do It”. Sending out the letter, with the resume, even when it is written and ready, and they just cannot print the SEND button.
I just try to hold onto the thought that they are not doing this on purpose, and they would if they could. But it can be hard to watch. I’m never sure what is the right support or scaffolding that can help them accomplish what they clearly tell you they want to do.
My daughter describes it as continuously feeling like you accidentally missed the last step walking down a flight of stairs. She’s also described it as being inside of a Jackson Pollock painting. It helps her to think of her anxiety as a pack of dogs all barking at once, and she needs to get them all to calm down. (She loves dogs.)
Her anxiety started at 15. She goes to a very tough high school and had a brutal class, then that feeling spread to other areas of her life. It’s generally getting better now.
Greater familiarity with people increases my willingness to talk to them but doesn’t necessarily reduce my conversation postmortems.
An example of one of my self-consciousness-provoked social anxiety situations occurred the other day. A friend told me that her son’s soccer team would be playing a game in my city. I’ve stopped by at a few of her children’s athletic events before. When I got to the game, the small bleachers seemed to be filled and I realized that to find my friend, I’d need to walk in front of everyone in the stands, all of whom were already watching the game. I thought, I can’t do this. People will be looking at me, they’ll think I look weird, I’ll have to obstruct their view briefly, etc., etc. So I went behind the bleachers and stood next to them and watched the game for half an hour or so. Even that made me feel conspicuous, even though I was to the side and not in anyone’s line of sight. Ridiculous, right?
Python20: Agreed…my D needed an email sent to her insurance company which, to help her anxiety, I drafted and emailed to her so she could copy and paste and send on…she had a melt down as now she had one more thing to do that day. Some of her reactions leave us nonplussed, some are more understandable but coming to terms with it and responding in an appropriate manner is ongoing. I don’t know why I never thought to look for a forum that might address anxiety disorders; the discussion here has made me think of that…will start looking.
I have deleted all the posts about the relationship between anxiety and BC pills except the original anecdote. If the OP wants to then ask a doctor about it, that is their choice, but this thread is not the place to debate such a claim. As a practical matter, the OP responded that they don’t believe there is such a link based on what she read. If not for that post, I would have deleted the anecdote as well. As someone else pointed out, the thread was so the OP could understand more about recognizing and dealing with anxiety, not to start a debate about a possible cause that ended up somewhat derailing the thread.
Clear choices and specifics seem to help the person with anxiety that I know. I’m slowly learning not to say “when should we schedule the computer repair” but “what time on Saturday or Sunday works best for you”
Yep, that pretty much sums up my Ds second year
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Back from my afternoon with my relative. She shared that she’s on the generic form of Lexipro and that it has helped immensely with the physical manifestations of her anxiety (the rush of adrenalin (?) and sheer terror she would feel at times). She continues to have what she calls her ‘demon voice’ which she described like others have here. She just has two sessions left with her CBT and she hasn’t inquired yet what might be available after that although she does think continued therapy would be helpful. She feels she’s significantly better now, on the medication (maybe 5 months or so) and well into her therapy. She feels she has a ways to go, and does recognize this is something she’ll have for life, but says she’s better now than she has been for years.
Seems like I can just be supportive, help when she asks and gently encourage, taking cues from her. And, yes, be very specific about plans and stay away from open ended questions and invitations.
An acquaintance of mine shared that Lexipro helped him immensely with racing thoughts in the middle of the night.
He told me he’d been having a difficult time getting a good night’s sleep because he’d wake at night, then his brain would put on a suit and tie and get to work.
What I found interesting about the way he described it was that he said work was going well, it’s not like his business was failing, far from it, but he could not escape his middle of the night whirring thoughts about the business.
Then, tossing and turning and realizing he was not going to get enough sleep to function well for the next day, made him feel very anxious and further unable to fall back asleep.
He said he had to try a few anti-depressants, until he tried Lexipro and it clicked.
Before he told me his story, I didn’t realize that anti-depressants could help with anxiety-related sleep problems. He said the Lexipro has been a savior for him.
Good news about your relative. Thank you for the update.
@collage1 what a great update. Positive thoughts that she continues to head in the right direction.
"He told me he’d been having a difficult time getting a good night’s sleep because he’d wake at night, then his brain would put on a suit and tie and get to work.
What I found interesting about the way he described it was that he said work was going well, it’s not like his business was failing, far from it, but he could not escape his middle of the night whirring thoughts about the business."
You mean this isn’t something normal? 
One reason I’ve decided not to start my own business. I’m definitely not good at confining my focus/thoughts to just a 9 to 5 schedule.