Help me with essay.

<p>Okay, I received a lower score on this essay than I had expected. I would like people here to read it and tell me what general things I need to do to boost my score. I won't tell my score so you can grade it fairly. I really appreciate it.</p>


<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>Winning feels forever fabulous. But you can learn more from losing than from winning. Losing prepares you for setback and tragedy more than winning ever can. Moreover, loss invites reflection and a change of strategies. In the process of recovering from your losses, you learn how to avoid them the next time.</p>

<p>Adapted from Pat Conroy, My Losing Season</p>


<h2>Do people learn more from losing than from winning? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</h2>

<p>I concur with the assertion that losing can be more beneficial than winning because losses direct us to analyze and ponder our mistakes that led to our loss, and it is an irrefutable truth that we learn from our mistakes. We can observe how one learns from a loss rather than a win by the meticulous manner in which professional athletes examine their mistakes in matches or games in which they did not emerge victoriously. Also, the philosophy of schools is built around the premise that we learn not from complete success, but from our failures and mistakes. </p>

<p>An athlete serves as a prominent example of one who analyzes his or her mistakes and learns from them. For example, consider baseball players, namely a pitcher. Before each game, the pitcher will surely obtain a roster of the opposing team, and formulate a pitching strategy based upon his previous experiences with each player. If the pitcher has lost against that team, has made mistakes to facilitate his team’s loss, then the pitcher will have a clear idea of what to do and what not to do. Another example of an athlete learning from his or her mistakes is the tennis player, who after a tough loss, will learn in what areas he or she fails in. For example, the tennis player may observe that he or she is consistently failing to return backhand shots, and then proceed to practice backhand shots. If the tennis player had no worthy opposition and always won, his or her deficiency in backhand shots would never have been delineated, and it is likely that he or she never would have improved. </p>

<p>Furthermore, we can see the truth of the assertion that loss teaches more than success by analyzing the way a school functions. The purpose of school is undeniably to teach students, and schools do this not by allowing students to invariably succeed on every test, but by having students make mistakes, and directing students to ponder their mistakes, and correct their thinking, so that particular mistake isn’t made again. For example, in mathematics, one may be proficient in dealing with calculus, but there may be one particular area, such as double integrals, that one does not understand. If one is allowed to succeed without obtaining proficiency in double integrals, then one will not acquire a full knowledge, but if one’s shortcomings are exposed by a thorough test and one is directed to study the areas in which one loses, then the school will undoubtedly do a significantly better job teaching students. </p>

<p>In conclusion, I believe that it is irrefutable that losing benefits more than winning. Whether one is in the classroom or out on the athletic field, if one truly wants to improve and learn, than one will not simply choose the attractive, effortless victory; one will try hard and if necessary, lose, so that one can highlight one’s shortcomings and rectify them.</p>

<p>ok this is my opinion... overall i thought the essay was well written and very coherent and clear. However, i thought your examples were too broad and under-developed. I also thought the sports example was too informal and didn't really address the prompt well enough. You didn't really go into much detail to support your argument. I think if you had incorporated some of the ideas that Pat Conroy presented your argument would have been stronger. </p>

<p>Finally, to receive a score of 10-12 you have to analyze the prompt and give insightful arguments that are unique and that other people probably wouldn't think of when writing the essay. You definitely have the potential to score high on the essay it's just a matter of can you conform to what the essay readers are looking for. I guess i would give you a 7/8. I don't really know the criteria for each score so I'm not really qualified to give you a score, but i can see how you didn't receive a high score. Hope that helped and good luck.</p>