<p>What is a polite way to respond to someone who keeps asking you how your child did on the SAT just so she can then tell you her child’s more impressive score?</p>
<p>I really want to say, “none of your fxxxing business” but then she’ll assume that he had a bad score and I don’t want to give that impression. I want to protect his privacy and not reveal the score, so I usually just say something like, “He did well” or “We were pleased with the score” and try to change the subject, but some people are very curious and will not give it up and then ask more specific follow-up questions such as, “Was it above X (number)?” or “Give me a range”.</p>
<p>This is really getting on my nerves. How can I respond to this question with some humor and not sound defensive, and still not give any specifics about his score.</p>
<p>By the way, the real, honest answer is … he did okay. Not ivy-league great, but not horrible either. He did okay.</p>
<p>Since the inquirer is dying to talk about his or her own child, just repeat your vague deferral, and ask about Junior. “Oh, we’re happy with his score. Is Rodney doing any college trips this summer?”</p>
<p>How about “He broke a thousand” with a smile that says, “I dare you to ask more.” </p>
<p>My father-in-law once asked me how much I weighed “these days” and I told him I broke a hundred. He said, “Oh, I imagine you did that some time ago” to which my mother-in-law kicked him, and he shut up.</p>
<p>There’s someone, not sure if it’s Miss Manners, who says the proper response is “Why would you ask that?” I like Booklady’s suggestion the best.</p>
<p>The real Miss Manners (Judith Martin) describes nosy people as those who “keep pursuing the same line of questioning, undeterred by evasive answers… to make the target uncomfortable to the point of being worn down enough to yield the information.”</p>
<p>Your nosy acquaintance already knows that s/he is being rude, so in my (not Miss Manners’) opinion, you are under no personal or social obligation to be polite in return. </p>
<p>I suggest you respond with a calmly but firmly stated, “That’s private.” Say this without smiling.</p>
<p>Only someone with the social skills of a fencepost would dare to continue questioning you.</p>
<p>If The Fencepost persists, then either ignore the question and change the subject, or excuse yourself and walk away.</p>
<p>I like mother-in-laws who enforce good manners with a kick. I really do!</p>
<p>It’s so tempting to come up with something memorable, isn’t it? Imagine lowering your voice, leaning in with a look of shame on your face and whispering, “2450. It’s still too painful to talk about.” Leave them dazzled, then confused. ;)</p>
<p>If anyone were to push me beyond “He’s pleased with his score” or “He did well”, I don’t know what I’d say, really. I suppose something like “I’m really not comfortable giving his score.” If they want to think he got the lowest possible score, that’s up to them. </p>
<p>If it’s someone whose child is my kids age, I’ll add on, “And is your child pleased with their score?” It’s a “yes/no” question but it opens the window for someone to expand their thoughts if they want.</p>
<p>Well because the SAT only measures how good you are at taking the SAT (and nothing more) I think it’s OK to share with anyone who asks with good intentions. I think most people are just trying to navigate a very confusing system.</p>
<p>My daughter didn’t want people to know her class rank. She went to a very competitive high school and didn’t want to deal with people know her rank.</p>
<p>So when people asked, I just said…“She doesn’t want me to tell.” </p>
<p>How about just calling them directly on it? “If you would like to tell me your child’s score – as it appears you do – please feel free to do so, but I hope you have your child’s permission to share it.” </p>
<p>You can keep repeating “He did well; we’re very pleased” as long as they keep asking; this requires that you be more patient than they are persistent. </p>
<p>Miss Manners often suggests appearing just a little clueless as to what people are asking; you can answer the question you think they should have asked rather than the question they did ask.</p>
<p>Or heck, ask 'em what score their scholarship requires – they are offering one, surely, if they are asking for SAT scores, right? Ask how much the scholarship is, what the name is, how many applicants they usually have for this scholarship, whether it requires an essay and/or recommendations, and so on. Ignore all protests that there is no scholarship, or accuse them of holding out on you. Surely they want to know your son’s scores because they are awarding a scholarship! Why else would they ask for his exact score? And now they won’t tell you anything about the scholarship! You were SO hoping to have an inside track on this one; your hopes are dashed. </p>
<p>(I could see myself doing this last one and having a <em>really</em> good time with it, but then, I’m kind of mean. )</p>
<p>I think it would be the most fun to be evasive for a little while, then admit to “2400” with an embarrassed little laugh and a “We were pleasantly surprised, especially since he didn’t do any of the prep work.” Anyone who is obnoxious enough to keep pressing for a number deserves no less. (OK, this may only be funny for people like me whose sons were notorious for being slackers in HS, so that a shocked response would be guaranteed.)</p>
<p>I sure hate that line of questioning! Reminds me of a “Mom’s Fifth grade breakfast” (ugh) where one woman happily announced her son’s IQ score. It was a curious thing to do because he would be considered “gifted” with it (unlike my son) but he was a terrible student and always has been. I think if I were her I’d leave that topic alone! Not to hijack here but I’m dreading the “where will your son be applying to colleges next year?” questions. Its already started and he just finished sophomore year.</p>
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