this is going to be pretty lengthy not to mention all over the place… but bear with me here
so i am a freshman in college and just started my second semester. throughout high school, i took i think 10ish ap classes and received the ib diploma as well. aka i had a very stressful high school experience, but i was a pretty high achieving student. i applied to around 12 schools during my senior year, many of which were very selective. i put countless hours of effort into those essays and applications. however, despite my getting accepted to a few of the selective schools, i decided to attend the one in-state college i applied to. it was a little soul-crushing… especially because i put so much hard work into my high school academics, it felt as though it was all thrown away just like that. but i couldn’t resist the scholarships and in-state tuition in comparison to the lofty prices of the other schools i was considering.
once i got to school in the fall, i loved it. the sense of freedom was amazing and the fact that i wasn’t doing schoolwork for 12 hours a day for the first time in 5ish years was a completely foreign concept. however, the newness of it all rubbed off very quickly and i felt… just confused. which is where i am right about now.
i go to indiana university, which is very large and also in a very small college town. the university has great opportunities, including obviously their business school and the music school. however, i am not in either of those schools. i know in my mind that i can do very well here and hopefully get into a great grad school, but i just can’t help but wonder how it would be if i transferred. every time i meet someone new here and they figure out that i care about school and really dedicate myself to my work, they ask why im here. which definitely doesn’t help with my doubts.
ive also had quite a few social issues. i’ve had an absolutely awful roommate experience and, in an attempt to distance myself from the countless people from my high school here, have struggled to find people i connect with.
to sum it up, i feel like i would be able to grow so much more as a person if i were to be in a smaller school in a bigger city (if that makes sense). this school just feels like it was a safe choice (money wise) and i feel like i don’t have the ability to push myself academically here as much as i would somewhere else. not to mention the fact that many of the selective schools i applied to last year have transfer acceptance rates that are much higher than their average ones. i always had my sights set on going to school in a large city, and honestly never pictured myself here, but that’s just what ended up happening. i became very convinced that your undergrad doesn’t matter really as long as you do well there. then grad school is what actually matters. but i dont know if this is true or if this was just me justifying my decision to make my family not have to spend more money on me.
i’m honestly not even going to re-read what i just typed… even though i know it’s definitely all over the place. if anyone reads this and has any words of advice about anything to me, i would appreciate it. my parents believe i need to give the school more time. but honestly, i wouldn’t consider transferring after my sophomore year and the deadlines are approaching quickly. anyways, i’m truly just in a very confused mental state right now so any thoughts ?