Help. My parents are kicking me out.

Parents Forum
1

My mother just had a serious and deep conversation with me ten minutes ago, that they have decided to relieve their legal bonds with me. Since I just turned 18 a week ago. So i guess she’s legally allowed to kick me out now.

Dont ask me why she’s doing it, it’s family issue and it’s complicated.

I’m here to ask for directions…

She will probably ask me to move out in a few days, I need to get prepared for the real world.
I live in Queens, N.Y. I guess the first thing I need to do is to find a place to stay and find a job to keep myself from starving…

Is there any government agency that can help me with my situation? I’m legal but not citizen yet.

Oh and btw I have 2080 SAT and 3.5 GPA, just in case anyone thinks i’m a drop out. I’m a graduating senior, I have got a full-tuition scholarship from a state university, the name I will not say because I do not wish to reveal my identity.

I’m really lost and depressed now. I have seriously considered committing suicide but I’m afraid to die.

Any help or advice will be appreciated.

2

Tomorrow, go see your guidance counselor. You need to find out what social services are available to help you through this. Your guidance counselor can put you in touch with them.

If you are in refugee status, the organization that resettled you in the US will also have social workers who can help you out.

3

A full tuition scholarship will not pay for room, board, books, transportation, and expenses. If you get a job, how will you finish high school?

If your parents are upset by your attitude/effort/hair color/friends/fill-in-th-blank, I suggest you just sincerely apologize, and be the best you can for the short amount of time remaining. It is not fair, it is not right, and it is not “all” your fault. As Winston Churchill said, “Sometimes it is not enough that we do our best; sometimes we must do what is required.”

Please speak to your guidance counselor tomorrow for help in keeping your education prospects viable and possibly finding shelter.

4

And please, if you are thinking about harming yourself, please, please call this numberL 1 (800) 273-8255

As other parents have said, this situation will be sorted out eventually. But do not be afraid to ask for help from other responsible adults in your life.

5

Do you have a friend or a relative you could stay with for the time being?
I agree that you should talk to a teacher or guidance counselor at your school.

Please keep us updated.

6

Start with your guidance counselor. Maybe you can find a job as a live in nanny for school age children in NY.

7

Your school counselors should be able to direct you to resources to help you out, so you should make that your first stop tomorrow morning. The Door in SoHo also has resources for homeless youth (including referrals to shelters if needed), as well as free meals. http://www.door.org/programs-services/runaway-homeless-youth

8

I don’t know what to say other than please remember “It gets better!”

We don’t know the details, and I am not trying to point fingers - the situation you describe is sad, and I pray for the best possible outcome - whatever that may be - for all of you.

9

Any chance a friend’s family will take you in? In the short term, you need somewhere to live while you finish this school year and sort things out. Maybe a kind family will help you out.

10

I like the idea of contacting an agency devoted to helping immigrants from your home country. Even if you have not worked with them before, many have programs that focus on youth/parent relationships in the new country-there are often issues that come up and they know how to help navigate them. If you are a member of a church, you counld try contacting the youth pastor or whoever is in charge. I work at a church and we’ve spent more than a year helping a young man who was asked to leave HIS home. There are many, many services available to young people over 18 and under 25, but they are very difficult to navigate alone. Someone who’s been there might be able to get you going on all the paperwork.

Good luck-there are people who care out there!

11

Things happen within the family. Your mom might say something she does not mean. Talk to your mom.

12

If you attend a NYC public school, they are on break so seeing the GC this week is not an option,
I will repeat what jazzcastrophe’s recommendation that you go to The Door, tomorrow morning, (they open at 11 am) who can provide you with a referral.

http://www.door.org/programs-services/runaway-homeless-youth

You can also go to Covenant House @ 460 West 41st Street

https://www.covenanthouse.org/homeless-charity/new-york

Below is a list of 3 other agencies that you can contact tomorrow that will assist homeless youth

http://ocfs.ny.gov/main/youth/rhydirectory.asp?County=New%20York

click DHS drop in centers

http://www.nyc.gov/html/dhs/html/outreach/outreach.shtml

NYC Department of Youth and Community development drop in centers

http://www.nyc.gov/html/dycd/html/runaway/drop_in.shtml

DYCD programs

Crisis Shelters

Crisis Shelters offer emergency shelter for runaway and homeless youth up to the age of 21. The shelters are the entry-point for the DYCD’s Runaway and Homeless Youth system. These voluntary, short-term residential programs provide emergency shelter and crisis intervention services aimed at reuniting youth with their families or, if family reunification is not possible, arranging appropriate transitional and long-term placements.

For more information, call Youth Connect at 1-800-246-4646.

http://www.nyc.gov/html/dycd/html/youthlanding/youthlanding.shtml?program=4

Where ever you go, get your documentation to take back to school with you on monday, when school reopens. Once you get back to school on monday, see your GC to assist you, with things such as signing up for free/reduced lunch (if you do not already receive it ) and assisting you with some things that you may need (each school district has a liaison that works with students in transitional housing).

Your GC can also work with you in providing documentation and contacting your college’s FA office and HESC to have your designation on your financial aid forms in order to change your status to unaccompanied minor, or to help you get dependency override/professional judgement.

13

@sybbie719‌ - Great information… OP, please check out all of your options. And call 1 (800) 273-8255
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline if you need to. Best of luck! Sending prayers through the internet.

14

Moderators/Administrators - can you do anything that would allow the OP to send private messages to other members without the requisite 15 posts?

15

@Sybbie has given you great advice. I know both The Door and Covenant House are good places to go if you need help.

16

You have received very good advice regarding agencies to contact. I am not familiar with resources in your area so cannot add to that list.

However, as a homeless student attending public school, you are entitled to remain in your current school even if you are in a shelter or temporary/transitional housing that is not zoned for your school. The school must assist you with transportation (which could be tickets/tokens to use public transportation. The homeless education coordinator for the school district mentioned above will be able to help you arrange this. If you need to reference it, the federal law that requires this is the McKinney-Vento Homeless Education Assistance Act. If your school receives federal Title I funds (if about 40% of kids are on free/reduced lunch) there may also be a family liaison or family engagement coordinator who can help you find resources.

17

Do you have any good friends from high school or any relatives you can stay with for a few days while you sort things out? Where your stay physically comes first. Once that is settled, look to see if you can find a part time job for the rest of the school yr/until you leave for school.

In addition to the resources mentioned above, another thing you need to talk to your GC about – you have a full tuition scholarship to school in August/September. However if your parents are cutting all ties legally, that means room and board and transportation to school are up to you. You should call (or likely have your GC call – bc you have way too much to do right now) your school’s financial aid office and explain the situation; it is likely that with zero parental support and as an emancipated 18 yr old – you will qualify for aid to cover your R&B and at least some expenses. But it won’t happen instantly and the school will likely need some paper work that your GC should help with.

You have to find a way to stick out the next 2 months in NYC, but after that – assuming your in state school is someplace outside the city – it may make sense to head up to college right after graduation. You may be able to find retail/restaurant etc. work in your school city and get a cheap sublet from a student who is away for the summer; frankly if your school knows your situation, they may be able to hook you up with a few employers who are looking. I’m just thinking that it is easier to support yourself on a retail job outside of NYC bc everything is cheaper; whereas if you stay in NYC, you may just not be able to make enough money and will have to rely on shelters or friends who can take you in.

18

I’m not certain of the relevant laws in N.Y., but it may not be legal for your parents to kick you out without at least 30 days notice. Small comfort with no access to a lawyer, though…

19

You have an incredible future ahead of you. Life will get better, in fact I’m confident that down the road, life will be better than you could ever imagine.

First - you need help to deal with the suicidal thoughts. PLEASE seek help for that immediately. There’s no shame in seeking help to save your life.

20

OK, school is closed this week.

But the odds are decent that your guidance counselor may respond to an email in a matter like this. It’s absolutely worth the chance. Likewise, email any teachers you’re close to… if even one gets your email, he/she may contact your guidance counselor via phone. Likewise, find out who the Director of Guidance is, and email him. Make sure in all those cases that your subject makes it very clear what’s going on, so the email will actually be opened even though it’s vacation time. Can you reach out to any teachers/guidance counselors via social media?? (Libraries are open if you need internet access.) You need access to resources, and you need them today.

If you’re seriously considering suicide, then that’s your highest priority. Get help today. Call a hotline. Speak to someone. But don’t let the decision of someone ELSE be the deciding factor in whether you live or die. You’ve got far to much to offer the world to cut it short because of a decision someone else has made.

Where are you today? Do you have a relative or friend who could put you up for the next few days? This is no time to be shy-- ask everyone you know for help. Start with your relatives… perhaps one or two can talk some sense into mom.

This week is a great time to be putting in job applications, before the college kids get back for the summer. For what it’s worth, I suggest restaurant work. Yes, the work is tough. But waitressing at a good restaurant can make you some GOOD money, well above minimum wage. Once you have a place to stay, I think that should be your next priority.

The best of luck to you.