<p>Any government subsidized housing would probably also factor in the value of the farm since they own it.</p>
<p>The good thing about govt subsidized housing is that as income decreases rent will decrease to. My mom pays 30% of her income (calculated against net after med expenses). She does have some assets and has to submit detailed paperwork each year.</p>
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<p>and seemingly unable or unwilling to pay rent to their parents on a farm the parents now legally own. Staying in the family is none other than a proxy to live rent free. </p>
<p>No wonder they want to sell.</p>
<p>If your brothers could start paying rent, you might be able to persuade your parents hold onto the farm to enable them to receive a constant income stream in addition to SS. This would help your parents, as they could only fritter away one months income at a time.</p>
<p>If your brothers already pay rent, then perhaps reminding them that they will lose that part of their income will help convince them to leave the farm alone.</p>
<p>The farm is your fathers to do as he likes. It may be unfortunate, but that is the legal reality. Nothing else matters. Sounds like he’ll have money if he needs it.</p>
<p>You say you are worried and wish they would change. It really sounds like you are hurt and resentful re: the legal arrangement - which I completely understand - but it is what it is.</p>
<p>The farm is land only. My brothers live in a mobile home which they purchased and they pay their own utilities, including water, which my dad would have to pay if my brothers didn’t. </p>
<p>Just forget about the damn farm. My concern is that I just found out that my parents are spending way more each month than they bring in. I am worried. That is all.</p>
<p>Thank you for the kind remarks from most of you. The rest of you can kiss my grits. Good-bye.</p>
<p>Unless your parents are mentally incompetent, they can fritter away their money and property as they please. It’s not your money. You can discuss with them, but bottom line, it’s their choice. It’s a shame when loved ones are doing things that are self destructive. I watched my MIL self destruct. DH and I talked to her so many times, intervened, but bottom line it was her choice, and yes, we paid plenty when things just fell apart, but we could not do anything without violating her rights. It was her life, her house, her money, her health. If she’s done what we asked her begged her to do, she would have had at least 20 years of a happier life and 5 years on her own instead of moved out of her house here. She underwent a lot of pain and suffering because of her obdurance.</p>
<p>Hugs to you. It hurts to watch those you love doing things that you know are going to hurt them, and you can’t do a thing. I saw it with my MIL and see it now with my kids.</p>
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<p>Thanks for making that clear. Sums it up nicely and speaks volumes.</p>
<p>You cannot protect your parents from themselves (just as you can’t protect an adult child from overspending). The most you can do is ensure that they understand that if they do outlive their money, that’s it, and they cannot expect you to bail them out. And perhaps get them some sort of counseling if they will agree.</p>
<p>Again, talking to the Council on Aging will give you a lot of ideas. You’re not the first family with these issues that they have dealt with. Avail yourself of the resources out there, and best of luck with your parents.</p>
<p>music mom : I feel for you. It’s terrible to see people waste money, especially on gambling, and you can do nothing about it, but may have to suffer consequences some day. Your grandparents likely worked hard for the farm and all that hard work is now being squandered. </p>
<p>I hope that everything works out all right for you.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that you haven’t felt supported on your thread. While the point that “it is their money” is right, you’re also right for being concerned that they’re going to go thru all their money and then the children will then have the obligation to support them.</p>
<p>We’re facing this with H’s mom. they were AWFUL with money. Right, now MIL is down to the end of her money, largely because she was very irresponsible with what she was left after FIL died. The Flakey Siblings have insisted that she stay in a VERY pricey assisted living place, when good-but-cheaper places could have been selected.</p>
<p>For years, MIL was silly with money. As people here would say, we didn’t have the “right” to tell her to stop wasting her money on a couple of her flakey kids and a few flakey grandkids. If I had posted here, I would have been told, “shush, it’s her money to give away.” But, now she’s down to the end, and we all know that the Flakey Bunch don’t have the deep pockets to pay for her care. So, the few siblings that have some money sense will have to “step up”. A few years ago, it was “none of our business”. Well, now it is.</p>
<p>Funny how many assume this is about what we can get or take, when really it is about how we can’t afford their lifestyles, literally. We won’t be able to underwrite much of anything, when they spend down all that stuff people keep asserting is “theirs” to do with as they please. And, having my mother share my home is not an option. </p>
<p>Add to that, the fact they are elderly means their needs will evolve and their judgment isn’t always good, in the first place. </p>
<p>If you’re still here, OP check the parents caring for parents thread. A much softer space to express concerns.</p>
<p>It’s frustrating to watch ones parents and loved ones making moves that are going result in so much more hardship in the very near future. It’s like watching an impending train wreck sometimes and not able to stop it. </p>
<p>A good friend of mine and her sister went through an awful lot of trouble, pain and personal expense to keep their aunt at home when she was clearly failing and it was not the best thing for her. She had no one anywhere nearby to keep an eye on her welfare regularly. That she remained cognizant and legally competent meant things had to go her way, when she could not take care of the issues. It was her perogative to basically lose it all. Some unscrupulous caretakers robbed her blind, did not give her the care she should have gotten and, in the end, the house had to be sold which was precisely what the aunt did not want, when she became too confused to be warrented competent So much grief, so much energy, so much waste as so much effort was made to keep here at home, and the end result was precisely what she did not want. She ended up dying in some hospital that she did not know instead of in her house with doctor and caregakers that did not know her and she was alone stripped of the things she so wanted to keep. Had she allowed her nieces to move her close to one of them and supervise the caretakers, it could have meant 5-7 years with family who cared and preservation of some keepsakes. </p>
<p>My MIL was cheated on a number of things her last few years at her house, and had she not been so tight with buck and sparing of the check book, it would have been a lot worse. Her problem was that she was so tight, she wouldn’t pay for things that needed to be done and would cancel them because she could not bear the idea of spending the money. So some serious issues occurred from that. She got her way right to the day when we had to take her out of the house, never to return. It did not have to be that way, had she been more cooperative, but she did it her way.</p>
<p>And, as frugal as she was about some things, she ended up doing some expensive things that were not in her best interest. Had all of her teeth ground down for over dentures, and in doing so, went from never cavity in her mouth to scores of them.</p>
<p>Years ago, my mother, who was just starting to show signs of dementia, began loaning large amounts of money to an unscrupulous “friend”. This woman, much younger than my mom, would pay a little back, then come back that same week and borrow more, until the total amount owed was well over $10,000. We argued about it, and I sought advice on a message board (not CC). Someone responded that it sounded like I just wanted the money for myself, and to mind my own business. </p>
<p>Luckily, I didn’t listen to that advice. I confronted the borrower, who promised not to borrow any more, and when she broke that promise, I went to the police. My mother lived in a small town, where everybody knew everybody else, and the police officer had gone to high school with the borrower. She wasn’t arrested, but he advised her not to borrow from my mom any more. I think it was embarrassing for her, and she never borrowed again. In fact, my mother got some of the money back. </p>
<p>My mom wasn’t wealthy, but to someone who is desperate, a lady with her own home and some money in the bank seemed rich. I was troubled, because I knew that this behavior was unusual for mom. Later on, when she needed care, I was able to use her money for a caregiver, and she was able to stay in her own home (which is what she wanted) until she died. That would not have happened if I had just minded my own business.</p>
<p>OP, I’m also sorry that you haven’t felt supported on this thread. </p>
<p>From momtocollegekids:
Love this. Perhaps more oldsters would carefully consider this unfair squandering of resources on certain relatives if all started keeping track. That way, when Granny or Grampy is destitute, previously favored relatives will be expected to “step up.” If only!</p>
<p>Elderly parents who waste (or get scammed out of) all of their money could become your problem (legally and monetarily, as well as emotionally):</p>
<p>[Requiring</a> Adult Children to Pay for Aging Parents | ElderLawAnswers](<a href=“http://www.elderlawanswers.com/requiring-adult-children-to-pay-for-aging-parents-7666]Requiring”>Requiring Adult Children to Pay for Aging Parents' Care)
[Son</a> Liable for Mom’s $93,000 Nursing Home Bill Under ‘Filial Responsibility’ Law | ElderLawAnswers](<a href=“Elder Law, Medicaid, Estate Planning and Long-Term Care”>Son Liable for Mom's $93,000 Nursing Home Bill Under 'Filial Responsibility' Law)
[Filial</a> Responsibility | Lawyers.com](<a href=“http://elder-law.lawyers.com/elder-care/You-May-Have-to-Pay-for-Your-Parents-Care.html]Filial”>http://elder-law.lawyers.com/elder-care/You-May-Have-to-Pay-for-Your-Parents-Care.html)</p>
<p>I think many of us have experienced the fact that elderly relatives can be extremely stubborn about many things, and especially so with respect to changing any financial arrangements. I have not found many good solutions to this, except trying to very gradually change the mind of the person.</p>
<p>By the way, my grandfather also had a farm that he wanted to keep in the family. How I wish I could go back in time and beg him not to do it! All it does is create problems and bad feelings down the road.</p>