<p>Please help me. I am using my son’s old account to post for the first time.
My son has gone to his dream school The University of Chicago and is very unhappy. I am afraid he won’t go back after Christmas. Although he is always done well in the past on his own, I think he very homesick.
I was wondering if anyone would know if he could call and try to transfer to Carnegie Mellon over the holidays. He was accepted there also. </p>
<p>We live very close to carnegie mellon and he could commute.
Does anyone know how transfering would work? Does he have to apply again?<br>
I (his mother) was against him going 8 hours away. Mother’s are always right.</p>
<p>Goalie, this is not uncommon, having a lot of homesickness after the first semester.</p>
<p>It happened to me as a freshman 35 years ago, after going 2000 miles away. I thought I hated my school, tried to transfer several places, but at Christmas my mother was very smart. “Go back and finish the year,” she said. “You never were one to quit. If you still hate it in May, you can transfer.” </p>
<p>In November of my S1’s freshman year, he had the same experience. He came home, and we had a big dinner with all of his friends from high school. They talked about their experiences, compared notes on the great parts and the not-so-great parts, and S1 went back to school feeling very good about everything. </p>
<p>Sometimes all it takes is knowing that nobody has a perfect experience. Often the expectations are unrealistic, but as a parent you can’t tell them that and have them listen.</p>
<p>There is absolutely no reason why he couldn’t try, though it would be more usual to transfer after a year. UChicago is a very special place, but it is not for everyone, and feelings about it run very strong. So while I agree that if it is homesickness, it would be good to see if it passes (hence, staying the full year), it would not be all that unusual for someone to come to the conclusion that it wasn’t for them.</p>
<p>I would strongly suggest waiting. My father hated his first year at Notre Dame and considered trasferring, but he ended up absolutely loving it.</p>
<p>I would wait unless there is something that isn’t safe.
many of us have buyers remorse- 2nd thoughts after getting married- buying a house…
He got what he worked hard for- and now something is bothering him- that is normal.
However if he doesn’t try longer- he will always wonder what it would have been like if he had stayed.
he may want to see what procedure he would need to do to apply as a transfer student for next year- not this year-
what exactly is indicating he is very homesick?
can he give you permission to talk to his RA?</p>
<p>is this 8 hrs by plane/boat /train?
8 hours by plane is pretty far I agree- but still if it is his dream school- there must be something compelling about it for him</p>
<p>so goalie
I am confused_ I read that you posted your son is needed at home because of an illness in the family- is that why you want him to go to Carnegie Mellon or is his unhappiness unrelated to the illness?
I am not going to ask what the situation is- but I want to reflect on what others have posted about which may help you.
We have had some threads where a parent/grandparent was very ill- and not expected to live 3mo6m…1yr
I understand that children are close to relatives- and if they have had a good relationship with their relative/ I can understand that they want to say goodbye. However- if I was the sick parent? I would weigh very carefully my need for my children to be at my deathbed- and their need? to be there, with their need to have their life.
I don’t know what the family situation is that he is needed to help out with someone who is ill. Is he needed for a transplant? Moral support? I have a feeling the unhappy student and the ill relative are tied up together-be careful not to project onto him- what you think he should be feeling/doing.
good luck</p>
<p>I do know of a girl who decided after a single month at her college that she had chosen the wrong one. She did manage to transfer to another school (that had accepted her the previous spring) between semesters of her freshman year. In her case, the first school was too close to home … and the second 3/4 of the way across the country. She’s currently a senior and very happy!</p>
<p>Another vote for sticking out the full year. As indicated, it takes many students a while to settle in.</p>
<p>Also, imho, commuting to college is a terrible idea unless absolutely required for financial reasons. Half the learning takes place outside of the classroom and college is a nifty, structured transition from being child to adult.</p>
<p>It is clear that you miss your son very much. But what is best for him is not what is necessarily happiest for you.</p>
<p>Went to a college presentation where they referred to us parents as “the Helicopter Generation” because we are always “hovering.” Freshman year is a time for our kids to figure things out for themselves, often for the first time. Give then a long rope, and resist pulling it back in.</p>
<p>Now would be the time to think about tranferring for next September. </p>
<p>I think it really depends on whether the reason is general unhappiness/homesickness or something as grave as a terminal disease in the family. If the latter, staying at school may be a choice you come to regret. I know someone who was in that situation, and everyone can rest now that family came first while it was still possible.</p>
<p>If it is just discontent with the college environment, I agree that you should stick it out for second semester while researching a transfer for next year.</p>
<p>I guess I would have to ask you what kind of problems your son is having and if it is homesickness, how do you respond? It never helps to say, ‘I told you so,’ whether in words or tone of voice. Freshman year is tough due to all the adjustments, whether you are near to home or farther away. Gentle confirmation of their feelings, acknowledegement and praise of their successes and the expectation that they will finish the year go a long way toward adjustment. It is really tough for kids to adjust if they sense that you are really missing them or if you take on the tone that moms always know best. The point here is to encourage them to start to grow up and learn independence and become functioning adults. I can speak from experience as our daughter who is now a junior (350 miles away from home) was extremely homesick her freshman year and called home crying several times a day for the first semester. She is a quiet girl and not a partier. Many kids on her floor, including her roommate where heavily into the party scene and she was lonely for friends who wanted to have fun without getting drunk and she was finding the workload to be a little overwhelming. We listened to the woes and she knew we understood she was having a tough time. We gave her the option of transferring after her freshman. We were concerned that when she came home for winter break, we would have to drag her back crying. But a funny thing happened, she missed the friends she started to make and she was excited about her second semester classes. As the end of winter break approached, she was mildly looking forward to going back. She had made friends and missed them. Long story short, after a difficult, both for her and us, freshman year, she is a happy, successful and thriving junior. </p>
<p>If your son’s problems are academic, perhaps he can look into tutoring and/or study groups. Study groups are not only a great way to get some study time in, but also a great way to meet some new people with similar interests. </p>
<p>Good luck to you and your son. It is really tough to have an unhappy child. Some wise person once said that you are only as happy as your least happy child.</p>
<p>Coming from a student his age, I would say he should stay there and at least finish out the year. Many kids I know have gone home to ‘take a break’ or go to another school and have an even worse experience there. If he decides he will switch, wait for the next fall when he can go to an orientation with other kids, rather than entering mid-year and not having an easy time making friends (which can mean all the difference in the world). Good luck to him!</p>
<p>Goalie, the way I’m reading your post, you’re not asking if he should transfer. You seem to be asking for information about transferring to Carnegie Mellon. Here is some info from the C/M website under “External Transfers.” Note that they discourage mid-year freshman transfers. </p>
<p>*HOW TO PREPARE
In preparation for your transfer application process to Carnegie Mellon University, you should first be aware of the many documents that you are required to submit for your application to be complete. Your application review cannot be completed without all required documents having been received by the assigned date. It is essential that you familiarize yourself with these required documents. The late submission of required documents can significantly hamper our ability to provide you with a timely decision.</p>
<p>Tip: Transfer into the mid-freshman year is highly unlikely and therefore discouraged. We generally encourage students to complete AT LEAST a year of schooling at their current institution before we will consider them for transfer to Carnegie Mellon.*</p>
<p>Also, have him check his acceptance letter from CM. He could be eligible for enrollment (not a transfer) for a year or two after the date of his acceptance. Some colleges keep the door open for students if they should change their minds after they have enrolled at another university.</p>
<p>Good luck to your son. College is all about change and growth, and sometimes, the first choice isn’t the right one. Some students know right away when it is not a good fit, and making the move to another university is the right solution. I have seen this happen more often at the bigger universities where freshmen can feel overwhelmed by the size of the student body. Sometimes, it’s a mismatch with the campus culture, and sometimes, it’s about the distance from home. These are all good reasons for change, imho. Whatever his decision, let him be responsible for the consequences, and give him room to zig, and then, zag. Offer your support when he asks, and let him find his own way. :)</p>
<p>having had a son who had an awful first year at the college he went to, I still have to vote for having him stick it out, at least for the first year. My son had to grow up a lot, learn to survive and speak up for himself. each time he came home I saw growth. yes, he wanted to come home, said he hated it there. but I told him I understood but this is college, not a game, and that he has to take it seriously, find his way and learn to deal with things that aren’t always the way you want them. I always felt very protective of my son since his father was not a nice man, (long divorced but still causes problems), and it was very hard for me to have him so far away, (10 hours). so I also had to learn to let go. just some advice and an opinion. my son did transfer to another campus, but within the same college system after the first year. he is still 6 hours away.</p>