<p>I was pretty much addicted to WOW for a time. Once I came to my senses and realized that I was not actually achieving anything by raiding a dungeon for the umpteenth time I was able to stop. I deleted the game from my computer and canceled my subscription and that was that.</p>
<p>My son was addicted to this game in high school. I could not stop it, and I noticed he was irritable when he just got off the computer after playing for hours. His grades did not drop while playing. He realized that it was a stupid way to spend his college time, so he ditched the game when he went to college and I think that he might have sold his level (?) to a friend before he left for college. He did pick the game up again last summer after work, while he was living back home. He played, but not did not put in the hours that he spent on this game while in high school. For him, the solution was his deciding to go cold turkey, but he wasted an awful lot of time on this in high school. As far as a bedtime, we did not set one when he was 17, but we told him that if he did not get up on time for school that we would go back to setting a bedtime. We told him that if we had to take away his computer for him to function as a normal high school student that we would do that. We never had to resort to that. BTW, all of his friends were equally addicted to WOW.</p>
<p>Just to add what Armando mentioned, that another thing that seems to be attractive to some students is that if you end of your game you can apparently sell your level and make a few hundred dollars. It must be attractive to get a few hundred dollars from some stranger who is willing to pay it not to start from the beginning. It sounds really stupid to me. I would not even want my kid getting involved in something like that, but I think that he might have sold this to someone he knew when he was in hs. I am not sure about that.</p>
<p>I am glad I ran across this thread, as S#2 has asked for this game as a holiday gift. In fact, I think he has the game (from a friend) but not the monthly internet access. Gee, if I wasn’t addicted to CC I wouldn’t have run across this thread ;)</p>
<p>I’ve been a pretty big gamer from time to time, but since coming to college I haven’t played at all. The approach I would take is to show him the downsides to spending much of his time playing the game. You need to find something that he would enjoy that isn’t related to it, basically anything in real life that interests him. I only tried WoW for a short time before deciding that it was a total waste of time – I don’t understand how people can sit there doing repetitive tasks over and over again without getting bored.</p>
<p>To the other parents out there, don’t assume that all computer games are evil and addicting because of the WoW horror stories. I’ve had a lot of fun playing real time strategy games (RTS) over the years mainly because I view them as an advanced version of chess. Video/Computer games are rapidly becoming a new major form of entertainment so it’s important to understand them rather than trying to ban them.</p>
<p>I’d give him one chance to control this on his own — adhere to a time limit for play once schoolwork is done and a reasonable bedtime. One violation or instance of backsliding and the computer is out of his room. You and your husband need to sit him down and lay down the law. One more chance and then he just finds the computer gone. I say this because the situation is affecting your health and that’s not right. It’s not fair to you or to your other children for you to be under this much worry and stress. </p>
<p>It’s your house. His room is in your house. His computer is in your house. The internet service is yours (even if he pays for the game subscription himelf). The electricity that runs the set up and keeps the lights on at night is paid by you which means it’s yours to control. When he gets his own house and pays the electricity, he can do as he likes. Not now. He either lives by the rules for play that you set or the whole computer comes out of his room. He can go down to the library to do his homework on a computer. That’s how I would feel about it.</p>
<p>I played WoW, and I do know how much time can be spent in it.</p>
<p>However, I think that it’s important to treat the disease (addictive behavior) and not the symptom (WoW). Approach this just like you would approach any other addictive behavior, and understand that WoW is not, in and of itself, any worse than anything else. The problem lies with the individual as much as it lies with the game itself.</p>
<p>Remember that it is a social experience, so there is peer pressure on the player’s end to keep playing (lest he fall behind others.)</p>
<p>However, I think the best medicine for this problem is unfortunately time. Most people (including myself) get bored of it after a while.</p>
<p>As for all the websites about how it’s tearing apart America and our youth, take them all with a grain of salt. I doubt that any really good research has been done yet on the game-- as of right now, treat your case as an individual issue and forget everyone else.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This is the only post, imo, that treats this problem as seriously as it really is.</p>
<p>My son didn’t care for WoW, for some reason, but has been a serious gamer with lots of other games. He still is. We had horrendous fights about it and it nearly tore our family apart.</p>
<p>To his credit, he has always preferred actual people over gaming, so as he got interested in girls, the gaming naturally tapered off somewhat. However, whenever he was at home, bored, gaming was there for him. </p>
<p>To this day, he gets angry if I call it an addiction. But make no mistake: gaming is a serious DRUG. Not just WoW, but pretty much any game. WoW is the meth of gaming, but there are plenty of other amphetamines out there as well.</p>
<p>My son is in college now and learning to manage his time. He is succeeding, thankfully, but I am certain he would not have had such a rough time if gaming had not been such a huge part of his life.</p>
<p>At the same time, it did provide an escape for him when he needed it, so I suppose you could say it helped him in that respect.</p>
<p>Getting high, getting drunk, whatever the drug is…sure they help in times of stress, by providing an escape. This could explain why your son is diving into the game at this particular time in his life…just when he is under more stress of applying for college and having to think about going out on his own soon. It’s entirely understandable.</p>
<p>At the same time, it’s important to think of this in the same terms as you would if you’d just discovered he is shooting up heroin whenever he’s stressed.</p>
<p>Does that sound harsh? Intentionally so! I believe gaming addictions are every bit as serious as the worst drug addictions. Not physically, but in other ways they really are the same. There are even physical as well as emotional withdrawal symptoms.</p>
<p>My son’s best friend flunked out of Rice, purportedly due to too much gaming (or so his mom says, though the kid denies it).</p>
<p>I wish I had a solution for you, but unfortunately I don’t. If I had known back then what I do now, I probably would have resorted to more drastic measures. Back then, I was afraid to alienate my son. After all, all his friends were into gaming, right? And it had some redeeming characteristics, right?</p>
<p>It’s very difficult since it’s such a major factor in teenage boys’ lives. Nevertheless, it’s a potent drug and should be treated as such.</p>
<p>If I were in your situation, knowing what I know now, I would probably cancel the internet. The other kids can do their homework at the library for the rest of the year. </p>
<p>Your son will surely protest. Show him the research on the seriousness of gaming addiction. Let him know you are responding out of love, the same as you would if you found out he was doing meth. He’ll deny it, of course, and say it’s not an addiction. Give him a week to clean up before following thru. But even if he curtails his usage for a couple of weeks, he’ll probably slide into it again. It’s that insidious.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>from
[Detox</a> For Video Game Addiction?, Experts Say Gaming Can Be A Compulsion As Strong As Gambling - CBS News](<a href=“http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/07/03/health/webmd/main1773956.shtml]Detox”>http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/07/03/health/webmd/main1773956.shtml)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>from
[Video</a> games: A psychiatric disorder? - USATODAY.com](<a href=“http://www.usatoday.com/tech/gaming/2007-06-21-video-game-addiction_N.htm?csp=34]Video”>http://www.usatoday.com/tech/gaming/2007-06-21-video-game-addiction_N.htm?csp=34)</p>
<p>Do a search for ‘video game addiction’ and you will find LOTS more. Also do a search on Dr. Jane Healy, who has written some books on the subject and, if I remember correctly, heads some research department at a prestigious medical school.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>
I agree that this is really the way to go, if you can make it work. </p>
<p>When our S, now a jr in college, began to spend too much time with MPRPGs online (as a jr in hs), we noticed it because it was crowding out his other interests. He stopped, largely, going out with friends on the weekends. We didn’t know which came first - the chicken or the egg. Was he being left out of social things and turned to online games and socializing? Or were the online activities monopolizing his time?</p>
<p>We consulted with the excellent hs social worker/counselor. She was in a position to see that he was still socially in the swim of things during school time. (His grades had not been affected). She felt we shouldn’t worry too much, pointing out that there were far worse preoccupations at his age (drugs, alcohol) and that sometimes this form of “social” outlet is a way of teens avoiding the undesirable IRL activities other hs students are over-involved with. Well, we appreciated her reassurance, but we still worried that the online gaming was a problem.</p>
<p>So, the question was - as the OP’s question is - how to accomplish a reduction in time spent in online gaming. What can you say to a 16 year old to get him to self-moderate? (I am fully aware that it may be even more difficult with an 18 year old). </p>
<p>What we said to our son (with a little brainstorming help from the counselor) was that every adult needs to learn Balance. That we did not want to have to take Macchiavellian steps to restrict/prohibit his online gaming. That we completely believed he could achieve a wise balance on his own. We told him that if we saw him striking a balance - going out with friends, spending some time in outdoor/athletic activities, reading, online gaming - we would know that we did not need to intervene.</p>
<p>The effect was immediate. That very weekend, he returned to socializing with friends. He continued with the gaming, but with the balance.</p>
<p>I believe that the key was expressing confidence in him. And stating out loud that we saw him as a (budding) adult who could handle his own situations. At this age, they so want to be recognized as the complete adults they think they are (we know they are not, but we can also nurture that evolution). He responded so much better to that than he would have to rules, limits, restrictions or nagging.</p>
<p>Like I said, I know this might not always work. But it did for us.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I really do agree with this if the WOW is kept in check. When it gets so bad that kids are not showering, eating, sleeping then the problem is not even in a gray area. Is an hour a day okay, 2,3, etc.? Well, I guess this is open for debate. I felt that my son was addicted, but he did find his way out of it, and now has a balanced life. He does not play this at school, but I know that he spends some chunk of time on games. I don’t know how much time while he is at school, but from what I see at home it seems like 30 minutes here and there. I don’t have a problem with it, and it is his choice anyway. I no longer micromanage his life.</p>
<p>This can be a huge problem. WOW is one of the most notorious for addiction. I was given this link by my brother some time ago, when he had admitted to a problem, and even disassembled his computer to try to fight it. These stories are real: <a href=“http://www.mmorpg.com/discussion2.cfm?PAGE=1&THREAD=142370&bhcp=1[/url]”>http://www.mmorpg.com/discussion2.cfm?PAGE=1&THREAD=142370&bhcp=1</a></p>
<p>An intelligent young man that I love very much has ruined his life with video games. The reasons for how this happened are complex, but in his case, it required the complicity and money of his parent. Whenever he tried to be independent and get a job, go to college, do anything that would enable him to move away from his father, his father first impeded that progress, and then lured him into wasting time with these addictive games. I am truly afraid that one day he will be found swinging from the basement rafters. Here are his words to me:</p>
<p>“Games are a lot different today though. Games like Doom and those old console games, you could sit down an hour at most and say “this this is boring”. It’s different now. Now it takes an hour to get something going with friends in these online games. Now you need 4 hours minimum to get something “done”. It’s like a treadmill. you hate it, but you do it because you get some big prize in the end. And that’s where it becomes a drug. That’s where the addiction occurs. It’s because they are games you play on the internet with other people and compete, you start to succeed and that makes up for your failures in life. You feel like you’re good at something and you feel compelled to keep going.”</p>
<p>My own little son started playing video games and suddenly did not want to go to gymnastics anymore. Said that it was “taking his free time to watch TV and play games”. Strike one. I then went to school and found out that he was distracted in class and was not completing his in class work. Strike two. This is not baseball, this is mommyball, and you are out. I immediately went home, removed the TV from his room, removed the video games to a box, and now my son gets no tv at all during the week. No video games period, unless played with my husband. I kind of thought I may have been harsh, but after a couple of weeks with this, I see that my son isn’t even really watching tv much on the weekend. He actually is succeeding at putting together one of those 3-D puzzles meant for people 4 years older!</p>
<p>The young man that I mentioned in my post is now 24. He has not gone to college, has not held a job. He broke away from his father for a couple of weeks and stayed with me. During that time, I tried to help him get a job, but he was turned away constantly, but I do blame this on timing (summer-- entry level jobs are filled up). In any case, he gave up and went back to his father, where he can eat, have a roof over his head, and bury himself in his games. And feel even more hopeless.</p>
<p>WoW is addictive for some people and for other, it is not. I believe one of the main reasons it soon becomes addictive is when you begin to meet and cooperate with other people. You feel a sort of companionship and don’t want to leave while you’re in the middle of a “quest” or “task” as that would see you were letting the entire team down. In between these quests, you can do quests alone or make your character stronger so you can contribute more to the “team”. </p>
<p>I don’t personally play WoW for one reason. I must admit, it is a very good game (although some would disagree) with a good following and made by a very good company (Blizzard). However, I fully understand that WoW is addictive and at this time of my life, I cannot support an addiction. I do play Starcraft; however, that is somewhat less addictive because one can tell when games start and end (usually around 20 minutes) but with WoW it is one continuous session.</p>
<p>As for advice, I would try to appeal to your son’s (or daughter’s! some females play WoW too!) sense of [insert word here, I can’t remember term]. Remind him that applications are due soon and so are scholarships. Remind him that his future is in his hands. WoW will not get him a job, will not get him a future. Colleges aren’t impressed that his Level 70 Shammie can PvP like no other. They will be impressed by his Senior grades. Take a hard line with him.</p>
<p>If all else fails, I do suppose you could use one of those new-fangled blocking devices. (By the way, I don’t think Net Nanny or any actually site-blocking programs will work. Both WoW and Warcraft don’t use a browser.) Keep in mind that if he is truly addicted, then he can find ways (etc. friend’s house, hack into device) to get around. </p>
<p>If nothing you do can get him to stop, then I suppose you could try medication or counseling. Remember most of all; however, his future is his responsibility. You should be counted on to provide a measure of support but it is ultimately up to him to decide whether he gets a degree or ends up like some of the other cases we have seen here.</p>
<p>You’ve gotten a lot of great advice already. Treat this like an addiction–if it doesn’t qualify as an addiction yet, it will soon, so start fighting it hard right now. Don’t wait for the time when he starts skipping meals or showering. Reading these posts, it sounds as if people overcome the game’s lure once they realize what a pointless pursuit it is, so I think that should be your goal: trying to get your son to see that this game isn’t worth such large amounts of his time. I’m worried that you feel physically intimidated by him. Have you talked to your husband about this? I want to encourage you to talk to your son away from the game, but I’m afraid that at this point there may be no “away from the game” for him.</p>
<p>Anyway, I have no experience with any type of gaming. I really just wanted to share my sympathies. Do what you can now while he’s under your roof full time. If he beats this now, he’ll be set. If not, well, you’ve seen the stories posters have shared.</p>
<p>whatapain - We did the exact same thing a few years ago. Music but no tv in kid’s rooms; no tv, games, etc during the week. (Unfortunately, my son seems a little obsessed with his iPod and sometimes if he is slacking, we make him fork that over too.) And though he protested all these new rules at first, he now doesn’t seem to miss watching tv or gaming at all. And interestingly, he now finds gaming alone to be boring.</p>
<p>But, he is only 14 and we started these rules when he was 12. It is just so much more difficult when you are dealing with an older kid who is almost legally an adult.</p>
<p>Windows Vista has parental controls to limit access for individual users to the computer by time slot. In addition, you can create specialized accounts with no internet access or only limited internet access.</p>
<p>Well, after reading the nearly 40 posts that this has received since yesterday, I first want to say thanks for all the support and advice. There are many of you who have had a “brush” with this and trust me, this is far greater, so your well meaning advice is appreciated, but the “reasoning” and “trusting his judgment” statements are great in a perfect world or for someone mildly interested but this is an obsession/addiction. To those who say it is akin to a drug addiction, I couldn’t agree more, if it is removed for even a short time, he behaves as though he is going through a withdrawal, its heart wrenching to watch. One person said she can’t believe this is even a post, and that it just has to be stopped period…to you, I say you haven’t even begun to grasp what this is all about, so frankly I don’t think you should even comment, with statements like that, it shows the ignorance that is often found with those who don’t realize the seriousness of gaming addiction. To those with stories that made my hair stand on end, thank you for sharing, because I feel its those stories that tell the ugly side to this growing problem.</p>
<p>Right now I feel both hopeless and empowered, thanks to your posts. I do not feel physically challenged by him but when he has fit when I go into his room and threaten to take it or whatever, he gets very angry and yes I would be afraid for something to escalate. I have sat down with him, for HOURS, reasoned with him like you cannot imagine, we have made agreements only to be broken, we went to a therapist and there he agreed to doing this a certain amount of time, my son is quite charming, charismatic so he “turned it on” for the therapist, and he told me what a wonderful kid he is,etc…and he couldn’t’ imagine what I was telling him!!! He wasn’t ready to really put himself out there for our problem so we stopped going. </p>
<p>Yes, his college apps are done, without my leading him, God knows if any of it would have been done by now. Four months ago, he was biting at the bit to study for the 2100 SAT score he was after, and couldn’t wait to start applying to college, amazing how dramatically that changed in just a few weeks. I will admit I know nothing about the game, I have googled it extensively and just keep reading and hearing about the serious addictive qualities and its quite scary. I am sensitive to the pressures of a 17 year old and this is the only reason this has continued. I kept telling myself this is his stress reliever and I would take that over drugs and alcohol but ironically this feels almost like the same thing except for the life threatening risks entailed with substance abuse.</p>
<p>He often eats in his room, showers daily, but doesn’t care about his looks the way he used to. I am not boasting but he is an exceptionally handsome boy, girls have always liked him and he is considered to be one of the best looking boys in his school. I look at him now with his unshaven shadow, pale skin, he has lost weight, he doesn’t look like the way he did four or five months ago. He has such potential, that is breaks my heart and churns my insides to see this happening.</p>
<p>You have all in some way contributed to my feeling slightly more optimistic, I know this will not be easy but it is imperative that I act now, I cannot allow this to continue and then risk him going to college and starting a self defeating cycle again. I am going to give sitting down and talking with him one last shot when he wakes up, I am going to go in his room armed with some of the information I have received here and will print out some of the stories to share, I will ask him what he thinks, how this should be handled. etc…if we can come to an agreed upon resolution, I will give it a chance to work. I do think that his grades must go up, and like a previous poster said, once all of my demands are met, (only for his benefit) which are to resume socializing on weekends, to maintain involvement in a sport, club or part time job, to keep his grades up to A’S AND B’S…and then at that time we can talk about his gaming. </p>
<p>I will certainly keep you posted, I don’t want this to escalate to a point where he becomes one of the stories mentioned in the previous posts, that is so so sad to see such young lives being torn up by this game. It is quite heartbreaking. I feel a little better just having the support and words of advice, I feel empowered to do something to ultimately help him and myself and family who are all affected by this. Thanks so much again and I will certainly keep you posted.</p>
<p>Also I think the idea of talking to his advisor is a great idea, I remember I once mentioned that and he freaked out, mostly because I think he would be embarrased. Well maybe thats what he needs, i know she will happily talk to him and perhaps hearing it from someone other than myself and my husband would be a good change,and maybe he would be willing to listen. I think I will speak to her first thing tomorrow, thanks for the advice again.</p>
<p>ctmomof3, your mailbox is full.</p>
<p>ctmomof3, I think you should look for a new therapist. I would doubt the capability of any therapist who can be taken in by a charming teenager, and you would be better off with someone who understands gaming addiction. Why don’t you email the person mentioned before (Dr. Healy?) who is an expert, and ask for a recommendation for someone in your area? I hope your talk with your son goes well, but if I were you I’d insist that he see another therapist.</p>
<br>
<br>
<p>I guess you should be thankful that its WoW and not internet porn.</p>
<p>I read an article about how hard it is to overcome an addiction to internet porn. The man writing the article was helped when his company sent him on an assignment where he had no internet access for a year. Then when he returned home, he set his computer up in a high traffic area of the house.</p>
<p>I’d definitely move the computer out into the open and wean kid away from internet entirely for a spell.</p>