HELP!! MY son might be addicted to warcraft, I need advice ASAP.

Parent Cafe
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<p>I realize many of you may not know what this is, and frankly until a few months ago neither did I. My son was not one to ever be interested in video, computer games,etc…he was active, enjoyed sports and such. However in Sept. his friend who is a bigtime computer game addict, but a very bright and driven kid, guess he can hold it together, introduced my son to a game called Warcraft. At first he said it was interesting but not enough to keep him on for hours at a time, for the most part his life remained unchanged. </p>

<p>About two months ago I noticed he was playing much more often, for hours at a time. Needless to say with him being a senior, he could not have picked a worse time to get addicted to something. In the last 6 weeks I would say its escalated to a point where I am seeking help. He can litearlly play for 6-7 hours at a time, I am embarrased to say. We fight constantly and as my husband travels on business often it is often me doing double duty, physically I cannot challenge him and often it escalates to that point and I have no choice but to walk away. I believe that everyone needs downtime, a way to release stress, etc…and I was fine as long as he played a reasonable time and maybe a little more during the weekend. However its become an all consuming acitivity which has replaced his social life outside of school, he has little interest in going out, partying,etc…he is literally obsessed. I have only allowed myself to fully recognize and admit this and its indeed a problem. He often doesn;'t go to sleep until 1 or 2, and its always with my screaming, disconnecting the internet, etc…I have a history of ulcers and believe me, my stomach is in constant knots over the this. He is such a great kid with so much to offer, so much potential that I am dumbfounded that he has thrown himself into this video game world and chosen almost to escape from everything else. He is moody and irritable, mostly at me. At a time where he has to really be at the top of his game academically I know he is not applying himself the way he can, or putting in the hours of homework everynight that his rigorous senior courseload requires. He is managing mostly B’s, a few A’s and 1 C but had he been studying the way he should he would not or should not have that C.</p>

<p>I am sure some of you are familiar with this, I have googled it and was floored to see the thousands of articles on this game being hailed as “warcrack”, the single most addicting game ever created. One site said that this game is the 5th reason in America that couples get divorced, its not only for kids but apparently many adults play as well. I am a reasonable and rational person who believes that everything can happen in moderation but this is way beyond that point. Any recommendations? I am thinking of just disconnecting our internet all together, but it makes it hard as I do a lot of work from home plus I have other kids who heavily rely on it for school,etc…I am at a total loss, very distressed over this.</p>

<p>If you have any serious input or advice, I am all ears. Thank you!</p>

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<p>Are all of his college applications filed, and now he’s just waiting on results? If that’s so, you pretty much have only the grades to be concerned about. This sounds terrible in terms of numbers of hours. I’m on CC a lot but I don’t have to get into college, either. </p>

<p>I think the first order of business is to figure out how to address this without wrecking your own health. The ulcer can really be hurt, and if you’re yelling at him he has every excuse to shut down and not listen to you at the rare moments he’s away from the computer (breakfast, for example). You must feel terrible!</p>

<p>Aside from sympathy, I wondered if you could: </p>

<ol>
<li><p>Spend some time reading about “gaming addiction”, video game addiction, whatever (google it) to see if there’s any specific wisdom on it. </p></li>
<li><p>Ask H or relative to watch everyone else for 24 or 48 hours and check into a motel together with just your S. Go out to eat together, see a museum, walk and talk. Maybe if he can re-experience the pleasure of “in real life” activity it will remind him of what it feels like. Over the restaurant meal, share your heartfelt concern, calmly (there will be no stimulus for you to argue about it). Talk about the moment he is at in life right now, what are his big life dreams. Don’t mention the game. Ho9pefully he’ll mention college. Ask him how he thinks it’s going, in general; does he think he’ll get in? The more HE can name the issues, the better. If he’s at all “worried” about college entry, then you can begin to brainstorm what’s in his way. If he says you yell at him, accept that as on his list of obstacles; be fair, in other words. Try to negotiate a program of reasonable time limitations when you return home, in exchange for “no yelling.” You do have that chip to play and it’s all you need to give up.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Tell him you’re the parent so are treating this as if it’s a drug addiction and want to help him withdraw. I think you’ll get futher acting as if on his team than to berate him.</p>

<p>At the restaurant, say you need to both put down the rope of tug-of-war because “WE have a problem. I’m yelling and you’re not working. How can WE solve it…” You put yourself together on the same side, and the computer issue over on the other side of the rope. Look at the situation together and decide what to do about it. If he tries to blow you off and say, “just don’t yell at me about it,” say that’s not going to fly, any more than if you say, “just don’t play warcrack anymore.” Remind him of everything good about him and respect his old self deeply. </p>

<p>The problem will be when you walk back into the house. But if you’ve negotiated, say, 2 hours daily. then he CAN run right to the computer but just for the 2 hours.</p>

<p>EDIT: You’re gonna think I’m crazy, but sometimes I solve things with a counter-intuitive approach. Have you actually sat down with him for an hour to play the doggone game? Just see what it is. Then he can’t say you don’t understand it.
Don’t comment either positively or negatively about what you think of it (that’s really irrelevent to him), just learn the rules and play it a bit. Maybe your brief participation will cause him to see it as silly or boring. Just be bored by it, very neutral but not hostile. It can’t hurt; it’s just meeting him halfway to communicate about it.</p>

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<p>No advice, but thanks for the post!!! I am going to see if my son has this game, and if so, will immediately incinerate! Does he have a good guidance counselor? Sometimes what they say sink in more than what a parent says.</p>

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<p>I don’t know if this is practical, but can you install any software that blocks particular sites? We used to have something like this when our kids were young (Net Nanny) … I’d assume, however, that someone your son’s age might know how to get around that.</p>

<p>Can you make other privileges (such as car keys) contingent upon a limitation of the amount of hours that he plays?</p>

<p>How about approaching a good friend of his to entice him to go out and do some other social things?</p>

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<p>Quick question, asked with sympathy and some been-there-done-that: Who’s paying his monthly subscription fees for WoW?</p>

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<p>Not that I think WoW has ANYthing to do with the criminal minds behind the death of Baby Grace here in Houston, but it had a everything to do with why this young mother left her family in Ohio and took her daughter to live in the Houston suburbs with a man she met in the game. This woman was addicted to WoW and her family extremely upset with the changes in her personality and decision-making abilities. I think judgment can be impaired just as easily by addictive games as addictive drugs. So I agree this could be an addiction issue and if so, a family problem which could be greatly alleviated with a loving approach that perhaps includes some third party assistance. </p>

<p>But I will also say, one of my d’s super-intelligent friends was so involved with another game he would leave school to go home and play it with friends, and was even considering the game as a topic for his college essays. But he was accepted at several prestigious schools, received top scholarships and is quite successful. I think playing the game obsessively may have been a ‘release’ for him…maybe it’s just that way with the bright ones.</p>

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<p>My brother used to be extremely addicted to the game as well. It became a huge problem until he finally got to the highest in everything you can achieve in the game and quit, selling his account for a few hundred dollars.</p>

<p>He became extremely bored afterwards and started playing again. Needless to say, his grades have definitely dropped a lot.</p>

<p>I’d suggest that there be a no game until homework is done rule. The number of hours he spends on the game shouldn’t matter as long as it is free time. Also, if you should only tell him once to get off the game. If not, then pull the plug on the game for a week or so.</p>

<p>If you feel like taking risks, play the game with him and ask to be his buddy on the game :P. It’d be a little awkward just to simply say “no,” wouldn’t it?</p>

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<p>My son plays a lot of warcraft as well. Wife and I were really worried about it and it was a source of friction in the house all last year. We set the parameter that his time was his time until the grades fell.</p>

<p>He just got home for xmas from his first quarter at college and while he still plays quite a bit of warcraft he also managed a 3.8 gpa in college. I guess we got all wound up over nothing so don’t assume the worst. I know kids who put that much time into sports every night so I guess this is just another way to enjoy a game if you will.</p>

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<p>I don’t know how serious a problem it is for your son. I do know someone whose nephew went to treatment for video game addiction. He attended an inpatient treatment center that specialized in all types of addictions. She said there were also patients in treatment for gambling as well. My friend did say that the majority of people in treatment for video addiction are young men.
What helped my own son stop playing computer games was spending a month out in the wilderness at a NOLS program. He came home and realized what a time sucker the computer can be. Granted he was playing only a couple of hours a day. It is 2 yrs later and he never went back to the games.</p>

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<p>He is physically intimidating you. Game over. I can’t believe this is even a discussion.</p>

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<p>WoW is a very addicting game. he cant be addicted forever. like most teenage boys he’ll probably get bored with it after a while.</p>

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<p>CTmom, just to make the issue I was raising a little clearer: Does he need your help (e.g., the use of your credit card) to pay for his monthly subscription?</p>

<p>In our house, the fact that a parental credit card was a necessary element in buying subscription time was the key to ending the obsession. Fast.</p>

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<p>ctmomof3, I would do as p3t suggested and try and come at the problem from a different angle. I’d a little further along on the protractor though and ask him what <em>he</em> thinks about this. Does he think he has a problem? If so, what does <em>he</em> think is the best solution? Is there anything you can do to help him? </p>

<p>If you’ve noticed grades dropping or he still has apps to complete, you can point those out if he doesn’t think he has a problem. The thing is, you can be more punitive now, such as dropping internet access, etc. But in a year, he will be (hopefully!) at college and he’s going to have to negotiate all this for himself. You can remove WoW now, but it might be better to help him figure out how to handle for himself. Next year, you won’t be able to put yourself between him and the computer.</p>

<p>I have a college freshman son. He played (plays!) a lot of video games (not WoW, to my knowledge); it made me a little nervous last year, but his grades were excellent and he’s now attending a top LAC. I did bug him about getting apps in on time, etc., but not about how he spent his time.</p>

<p>The other thing to think about is that if you’re the one needling him about this, he can get mad at you and basically make you the problem (in his own mind). If you say to him, “This is you life; You need to make the decisions about it,” that puts the onus back on him. Right now, he can say, “My mom’s being a pain in the rear” and focus on that instead of his own behavior.</p>

<p>Good luck and keep us posted!</p>

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<p>CTmom,
We had the very same problem with our oldest son just two years ago when he was a senior in HS. He played WOW obsessively, so much so that my husband invented a device that shut down the internet at a time we chose. There are blocking devices on the internet that we tried but they didn’t work. Our son paid for his subscription with his debit card. </p>

<p>We had horrible battles over WOW and the timer was the only thing that worked. Please pm me if you’d like one. We only went to that after many, many conversations and ultimatums. His argument was that his grades were good and his college apps were done. His grades were okay, but not A’s and his senior year, he was not taking terribly challenging classes. It was painful to see him come home from school and go immediately to his computer and play WOW until 2 in the morning, only breaking for a quick dinner with us.</p>

<p>When our son (college sophomore) was home for Thanksgiving this year we found out that he had finally stopped playing. Finally!</p>

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<p>I know of several young men who have been addicted to this game–one almost lost his college scholarship and had to move in with his grandma to
get him away from gaming roommates. Another is about to flunk out of college–he has given up everything–eating, sleeping, bathing, social life, etc. to spend every minute on this game. His friends and roommates have tried to help him, but he is in deep. I think depression might also be a factor and wonder if counseling or medication might help this young man (or others with this addiction) break free. His parents are aware of the problem, but seem to think it is a phase he’s going through.</p>

<p>This issue–the distructive nature of game addiction and how it is affecting the academic atmosphere–has been discussed among the professors and administrators at S’s college</p>

<p>My son (age 19/soph) is a gamer, and we’ve had some similar scenes
around our house in the last few years over excessive computer use. (S doesn’t play WoW–he’s too cheap to pay for it–but he’s been through many other games). Some kids (mostly boys) get obsessed with games and are more prone to addiction. It all started with “Riptide” when S was a 7yo 2nd grader. We didn’t even own a computer, but he used to play it at his dad’s office with dad’s co-worker. When his teacher sent home his writing journal, it was filled with page after page of every minute detail of each level of this game–and nothing else. Creepy. I’ve called him an “addict” a million times. OTOH, he does still eat, sleep, shower, shave, keep clothes clean, go to class/keep grades up, hang out with GF, has full time summer jobs and doesn’t spend $ on games–so it could be worse. I just wonder what he could have done with all the time wasted on games over the years. Or how much better his grades would be. He used to do a lot of digital artwork–at least that was something creative. Games are just life-suckers, IMO. S “understands” that and tries to stay involved with other things, but the games are a huge temptation.</p>

<p>When my younger sons (12 & 14) play games, sometimes I’ll hang over their shoulders and keep asking them questions about specific characters, scoring, etc… throughout the game–it annoys the heck out of them and gets them off the computer faster. But it also shows that I’m taking interest in something that they enjoy and is a way to spend time and make conversation with them. (Admittedly my least favorite way). They can’t get on the computer without my password, so they have to have everything else (homework, piano practice, chores, etc.) done before I’ll let them on. They have a one-hour limit. Older S bought his own laptop when he was 14 and I won’t let younger sons do that–big mistake. </p>

<p>I’ve never seen the appeal of these strategy/battle games–and my daughters have no interest in them either. I like trivia/knowlege games, and CC, of course. </p>

<p>Not much advice–get control of computer–with password/lock/timer/whatever, (lol–my older S could hack his way into anything) time limits. Make your S understand: Your house, your internet connection, your rules. Cold turkey off of WoW. Loss of other privileges, (driving?) work punishments (washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, etc.) if he exceeds limits. No games until grades come up. Let him read about game addiction. Talk to him calmly, reasonably, rationally–tell him you’re concerned about his future, college, his ability to discipline himself and set priorities. </p>

<p>Counseling might help. Medication if necessary. </p>

<p>I understand your distress.</p>

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<p>I think it’s definitely important that something is sorted before college - he just cannot keep playing that much then. I’m a gamer and a student, and I gave up my online game of choice for good when I came to college and have been forced to severely cut back on the others just because of time issues. He needs to realise that games are not a priority in comparison with studying, actually seeing people, etc.</p>

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<p>My 14 year old son was addicted as well…a real problem. Last year he got Cs and some Bs because of it. I finally contacted WOW and told them to terminate the account. I think he ALMOST was relieved. This year he got almost all As. I’m sorry for you…I am not an opponent of video games in general, but WOW is VERY ADDICTIVE, and there have been articles which say as much. Good luck…</p>

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<p>There’s a timer device on the market , the tv allowance (google it to get website) which plugs into the computer monitor or tv-- allows parents to set weekly time amount and/or block out certain times the device can be on. Essentially, the kid gets an “allowance” of screen time – and when the kid’s time is up, the monitor/tv goes off. Basically takes all of the argument and parental nagging out of the picture. We’ve had it for 8 years and use it with all of our kids’ computers and our tv (won’t work for a laptop, though – although there are internet programs for that). Kids complained at first, but we told them that having this was the price they pay for the privilege of having use of a computer/tv. We did remove restrictions from my eldest’s computer during spring semester of senior year, though, so he’d get used to monitoring his own time before he left for college.</p>

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<p>Limiting and timers are good but this is not a 13 yr old. In 8 months he could very well be 1000 miles from home in his own dorm room and his parents aren’t going to be able to monitor his use.
Not sure of a solution for your problem but know that restrictions are only going to go so far.</p>

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<p>I can sympathize but have no advice. WOW is incredibly addictive. S2 started to get into games senior yr HS when we did not realize what it was. We, too, were letting him manage his time since he would be going to college. He was an advanced student and got good grades in HS and in the beginning at college, but slipped into all night games and did not make it. Dropped out in Jr year - classes seemed so much less interesting and meaningless to him even though he was in technology courses. He would sleep all day so he could play at night. He is on his own now so there is not much we can do but it does seem as if he is starting to turn a corner at age 24. Has started calling home a little, talked about returning to school. Is living with his girlfriend and working low skill job. She is into WOW, but at least graduated. She is trying to get him back to school, too. We just try to keep the lines of communication open. He’s smart, we hope he is just a slow maturer. </p>

<p>WOW is an addiction like many others. You have to be ready to deal with it as one.</p>