<p>I take my freshman son up to va (from fl) friday…had a little dinner gathering last night for him…my two younger kids, senior and seventh grader just started the new school year today. </p>
<p>oh but I’m doing fine…just gave my 12 yr old son orange juice in his bright orange cup with his multicolored name emblazoned on it and bought him watermelon smoothie kids shampoo yesterday at target…told him I was likely to baby him a little as I let go of his 18 yr old brother…we laughed…and then he texted girl he likes to meet him at the bus stop
sure it will be different for each of us but its the thinking that their childhood is over that gets me every time. </p>
<p>love the child of mine song…and thinking of making a photo slideshow with songs for my son…which of course he’ll never take with him…but still…we can watch it together before he leaves…</p>
<p>Day 2: I actually slept well last night after texting with my D for a bit. She’s in a pre orientation program and she misses home. Those programs are probably right for a lot of people, but at this point, I kind of wish we had just dropped her off to begin school. Time will tell. I woke up this morning and quickly thought about waking up my D, but then realized she wasn’t there. I cried. I cried because I miss and will continue to miss her everyday presence in the house. When DH is cranky, she was always the comedic relief I needed. I took D2 to the dentist, and cried there too. But then, I realized that she’s not gone forever. She’ll be home at different times, we’ll talk a lot, and maybe she will live near me when she is on her own. I’m starting to feel a little bit better, although my eyes are still swollen shut. I’ll need a new thread “how to make it look like you haven’t been crying”. I am convincing myself that it will get better. I do know that there is something missing. I remember when I was having my kids, I always wondered how anyone could have enough room in their hearts to love each child the same and it was always explained that your heart grows with each child you have. As children leave though, I don’t think your heart shrinks. There is a gap in daily functioning that will never be filled.</p>
<p>Just got caught up on the thread…on vacation. My chest tightened as I read about all of you saying your good byes over the past few days. It brings it all back. </p>
<p>This morning I took D to the airport as she is meeting up with some friends in Costa Rica before heading to school…I didn’t cry! She has been so sweet this week with me and i am so proud of how, even though she has grown up so much, our relationship is stronger than ever. We will have one day together…moving her into her dorm when she comes back. One last time to make her bed up. I will cry that day.
My heart goes out to all of you. I remember the intense pain and sorrow and absolute feeling of loss. It will get better over time. Take solice in those here who truly understand what you are going through.</p>
<p>I really try to focus on the new adventures my D encounters each year and enjoy the stories she shares. These moments bring smiles that get me through to the next time we are together!</p>
<p>We’re driving today, staying in hotel tonite and moving D into dorm tomorrow. Your posts are so touching. I’m sure I’ll be having the swollen eyes too. It’s really about HER not about ME. So I keep telling myself! Both my husband and I are so sentimental about thinking about D as a baby. It’s just so unreal - surreal.</p>
<p>Hang in there - we will all get through this and our kids will hopefully be happy with their college experience!!!</p>
<p>You’re right Robinp - it is about HER. I am so thankful to have CC where I can let me come through. I do everything I can to hold it together and be really positive around her. This is really a time to celebrate their accomplishments and look forward to a bright future right with them and for them - but in my heart there is a gap and it is so hard to fill that gap, especially when I can’t and won’t tell her how I feel. I am so thankful to know from PPs that things will get better and that our relationship can get stronger than ever. Thank you CCers for taking the time to make all of us know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Right now the tunnel is pretty dark and tear-soaked!</p>
<p>i’m taking the approach that though we’ll be separated by distance, it is easy to stay connected, texting, cell calls, skype calls with a video camera so you can see their face and dorm room etc…of course not the same but we are fortunate we have these easy connections, I think they will help to not feel such an instant difference. my s wants to stay in touch and went out and bought the microsoft life cam–($25) and set skype up. and we keep talking about parents wknd, thksgvng, and winter break-pretty long for most students. of course sometimes the emotions just need expression, but I think it may make it tiny bit easier to focus on what will stay the same…</p>
<p>The problem isn’t about letting go - it’s more about the feeling of sadness and the permanent knot in your stomach because you realize that the family dynamic has changed and it will never be the same. I have 7 kids ( and it doesn’t matter if you have 1 child, 3 children or 10 children - the feeling is the same regardless) - the first child left for college last year and I was so emotional after our family vacation ended in late July that I basically cried every day - it got to the point where my kids became used to seeing me try to hide my tears from them that it became “humorous” in their eyes - so that actually helped a bit. Then on that “dreaded” morning - I watched as my son hugged and said goodbye to all of his siblings and they all had tears in their eyes - I’m crying now as I think of that memory…! But the worst feeling was how I felt after we drove home that night - It is truly a feeling of loss. It is actually like going through the grieving process - I grieved for the first two weeks - I was heartbroken at the fact that my family dynamic would no longer be the same - my son was no longer going to be a daily physical presence in our lives. Yes, he will always be a part of our lives but he would no longer be a part of the daily routine and I think that is what was the saddest thing of it all. He was now on a different path… Sure he will still be coming home for visits and for summer vacation but it will never truly be the same again. But I have to tell you - It was so uplifting to receive that first phone call from him telling me how happy he was and how much he loved his dorm and the great people who he was meeting - talk about a drastic change in moods! The whole world seemed brighter at that moment. He was OK and my heart didn’t feel any where near as heavy as it had felt previously.
Now my second is leaving for college at the end of the week - People say that the second one is easier - well, I am definitley finding this NOT to be true! I have once again been a “crying mess” for the past few weeks because once again, my family dynamic will be changing. It isn’t any easier because now I will be missing two of my sons - and each one is so different from the other - I will be missing the person they each are - how is that supposed to be easier? Ridiculous! I miss each child differently and everything that they contribute to the family on a daily basis. Letting go isn’t the problem - You can learn to let go. But you will still miss your child. You will still miss him.
I am sad for the young family that we will never be again but I truly believe that I wouldn’t want to go back - I love where my family is now and I sooo look forward to what my children’s lives will be like in the future. But at the moment, this feeling of sadness is so overwhelming that it is harder for me to hide my tears than to just cry at the moment. So my tears come at all different times of the day and at all different places - but that’s ok.<br>
So I know what to expect this time - but does it make it any easier? Not for me. I know that I will still be overcome with sadness when both of my boys go back to school this week. But I know that it will be ok and that it will make me treasure our family moments together a little bit more than before. I am looking forward to establishing a new family routine with the kids at home and to watching my children begin their new lives at school.</p>
<p>Wow, heycow, your post really touched me. I feel exactly the same way. I cried when I read your post (and I cried this morning to the dentist, the cleaning ladies, the lady in college housing, the nurse, and to several friends on the phone - even I am beginning to find my sudden bouts of overcoming emotion humerous). You’re exactly right. I miss D for the person she is and for the role she filled in our family. We sat down to dinner tonight “as a family” for the first time since she left and her space at the table was so sad. The kids looked at me to catch me crying, but I held it together. It might have helped that someone took our little 7 lb dog and put him in her chair. I can’t imagine what it will be like when my next D leaves (in two years). Our table will seem too big. Life is changing. New routines will be good, but I will never stop missing the person my D is, will become, and the role she plays in our family.</p>
<p>Heycow, that’s the biggest adjustment. The change in the family dynamic and in our roles. From the minute our first child is born (and even during pregnancy) we think of ourselves as parents and our children as our children. The idea that this phase of our lives will end, that our family unit will disperse, that our children will become adults with lives of their own… we know that, but we don’t REALLY know it until it happens. I remember walking into DS’s room after we dropped him at college 5 hours away, and saying to myself, “It’s over. His childhood is over.” I just couldn’t comprehend that it had ended, although he was going to a great college - and hadn’t that been the goal of the past few years?</p>
<p>But he was home this summer, and it wasn’t all that different than it was before he went to college. In some ways it was better. He was still our son, but more of an equal. He had matured, and we could swap college stories and discuss stories from the news with him as an adult. </p>
<p>DS and his younger sister were watching home videos of them as toddlers last week. They react like they’re watching someone else, and make fun of themselves and each other. To them, it IS like watching someone else. Only DH and I see them as the same people. I got wistful at the video of my 3 year old D “dancing” with dad, standing on his feet… D is 16 and spends large amounts of her time in a dance studio and onstage. But she’ll never do a dance that means as much to me as watching her and her Daddy “waltzing” with her standing on his feet.</p>
<p>"One night, Sophie was Cinderella. She has a Cinderella dress. She put it on over her Tigger pajamas. It was a good look. Then Sophie said: “Daddy, will you dance with me?” And we danced. We held hands and went 'round and 'round. Then it was time for Cinderella to run away. Cinderella doesn’t stay around forever.</p>
<p>But for a little while there, Daddy was the prince."</p>
<p>It’s a big mistake to read this at work…here I am quietly tearing up at my desk while I’m trying to choke down a sandwich!</p>
<p>We dropped our oldest off at school last fall and it was a pretty easy transition. He’d been an exchange student, so sending him down the road to the State U after he’d spent a year in Finland was no big deal. The perspective angle that some posters have mentioned played in.</p>
<p>We’re dropping our youngest off at a school far enough away that we’ll fly. I think I won’t handle this one as well. She’s our homebody, and has been a pain along the way, but has found herself, turned things around and managed to get accepted in her dream program. I heard “Here, There and Everywhere” on the radio the other day and broke down. It’s not looking good for me to hold myself together. </p>
<p>Why did you have to be so eloquent, Heycow? ;-)</p>
<p>The move in went very smoothly - we had a smooth move! D is very very happy to be at school. We were all well prepared. This was our 4th time on campus - 2 visits, 1 orientation and move in. She is soo ready for college. She was so happy that when it was time to say goodbye, it wasn’t “the waterworks” my family was expecting. I hugged her hard and told her how proud of her and to be happy. Maybe it’ll hit later. As long as she is thriving there I won’t be sad. Of course, I miss her already but she called to tell me about her night. I left the CD I made on her pillow and she said she found it at bedtime and hadn’t listened to it yet. </p>
<p>Stay tuned - the waterworks may just be delayed!</p>
<p>Last night I had fallen asleep in the easy chair and woken up around 11:00pm. In my hazy, sleepy, state I noticed D busily packing. As I watched her, I had an overwhelming desire to hold her. All I could see was my little girl…at about ten years old. I called her to me, “just let mom hold you for a bit” I said. “I can’t believe you are leaving”. She complied. It was a sweet moment and then she said, “mom I have to get back to packing”. It was OK, I felt better and the feeling had passed…</p>
<p>Singermom, you made me cry:( It is so easy to remember their youth…the moments we want to hold on to. It is evident that she is excited about this new adventure, but sensitive to your emotional needs. What a blessing!</p>
<p>I haven’t cried yet–we left her yesterday and went to a parents’ reception. Is it because I’m still numb? I told people at work today that it was like a very sharp knife–you don’t feel anything until it’s too late.
About a month before she left, she said she had a special present for me–it was the ceramic angel my mother had given her the Christmas before she died. She (my daughter) wanted me to know she was thinking of me. I think that was the closure.
She had people over here on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. It was really cute on Saturday night–they were all watching Michael Phelps. Monday night she was packing, and before I knew it there were 6 kids helping her.
When I read the title “Child of Mine”, what flashed for me was “Baby of Mine” from Dumbo–talk about wallowing–I cry every time I hear that song.</p>
<p>son finished packing at midnight last night…and I went in my room and sobbed. my 12 yr old just left for school, and said goodbye to his big brother and he cried…tough when you’re meeting the girl you like at the school bus stop…my daughter is taking the day off and flying up to take him to Virginia. I can just feel how raw I feel and how hard this weekend will be. he doesn’t know anyone there, other than another student he met at a scholarship thing last winter and he’s anxious about that. I know I will feel better seeing him engage with life there…but this is tough</p>
<p>It is tough but we will get through it and so will they!!!</p>
<p>D said the CD i made was mushy and made her sad. She said she’d listen “eventually”. I wonder now if I did that more for me than for her. SHe didn’t hear the Disney or Raffi songs I had in there as well.</p>
<p>I too kept looking at her remembering her as a baby, toddler-early days. Just very sentimental. </p>
<p>lindsz126, we live in VA. My daughter’s at tech. Where’s your son going to school if you don’t mind my askin?
Hang in there CC’ers!</p>
<p>I moved D in on Tuesday. She teared up and didn’t want to let go - I forced myself away with a big smile telling her she was starting the best years of her life. Then I cried like a big baby in the car - off and on for about 2 hours! I drove from college to visit my parents who live in the same state. I hadn’t been to visit them without her since she was born so that was sad too, but it is nice to be with people who understood. I really, really miss her, but am enjoying hearing from her and her new adventures. Tomorrow, I head home and am really hoping I don’t break down again when I get there.</p>
<p>We moved S in on Tuesday then had family orientation activities on Wednesday and said goodbye Wednesday night. He was so annoying that it made it somewhat easier. I felt like saying, “This is good. You are staying here in California, and I’m going home to Texas. See ya’.”</p>
<p>During the orientation on Wednesday, they had a lunch for us at tables outside. At the end of lunch, S realized his camera was missing and that he had probably left it at the Health Center when he dropped paperwork off there. He said he’d go on over there to see if they had it. We sat there and visited with some of the other parents, but S just didn’t come back and didn’t come back. So H called him. S said the health center was closed for lunch, and he had gone on back to his dorm. What?! He left us sitting there and went back to the dorm?? H was really ticked off. I kept telling him how I had read on cc that it’s not unusual for kids to blow their parents off at orientation. Maybe I should have posted about that on the “Arguing with your senior” thread. :)</p>
<p>Anyway, we realized he could care less if we were there, so we drove over to the beach, got some gelato and had a nice walk. We came back for the evening activities. When it was all over, I did indeed cry. Oh…and while I was hugging him I said, “Sweetheart, remember who you are,” and he replied with a chuckle, “That’s really cliche Mom, but okay.” grrrrrrrr</p>
<p>So, I guess I should thank him for making it easier for me. I didn’t cry at all yesterday or today. He called briefly a couple of times…once to ask me to look for a missing printer cable and send it and once to tell me he won a $50 gift certificate to the bookstore at one of his orientation sessions.</p>
<p>Oh! I almost forgot! He was interviewed by the Dr. Phil Show for a program they are doing following college freshmen for a year. =:-o I hope they don’t pick him. If they do, I’ll let you guys know, and then I’ll be outed. :)</p>
<p>Reading this thread through teary eyes, it is good to know that I am not the only mom feeling this way. I dropped my oldest son off at college yesterday, and am still crying. He is very excited and happy - so much so that he does not want me to call him or text him at all. He could not wait to leave.</p>
<p>I am so glad that I stumbled upon this thread. I moved my new freshman d into the dorm at FSU 6 hours away this past Tuesday and have felt like a basketcase ever since. </p>
<p>It is comforting to know that I am not the only one going through this. My d is our oldest and has always been my heart. We have always had a very tight relationship and now I feel quite overwhelmed at the flood of emotion I am experiencing. </p>
<p>I suspect my hubby is missing her also but he refuses to talk about it. I took her up without my hubby who stayed behind with our 11 year old son. The night before I left to return home she started crying and telling me how much she was going to miss us. I tried so hard not to tear up myself because I thought it would just make it harder for her and if I started I would not be able to stop. When I watched her walk into the dorm as I drove away I thought my heart would just burst open with all the tears that were welled up inside. I was right when the tears started for me they never seem to stop permanently. It seems I have a little crying speel each day.</p>
<p>Yesterday was her 18th birthday which was probably the hardest one I have experienced so far. The only thing that helps my daily crying spell to subside is the thought that she has a great roommate, is making friends, is adjusting to her new surroundings and loves her college. Plus, my little man is giving me more hugs than usual and reminding me that it is his turn to have more of my undivided attention.</p>