<p>On the positive side (there has to be one, right?), I have found my bond with H really strengthening during this time, and I sense that many of you are also experiencing that. I think I am looking forward to having some time for just the two of us again.</p>
<p>59 PM #10
BusyMomof4 We all go through this.There were times when I would cry just looking at my D/S The anticipation is far worst then the reality, you will be fine and believe it or not you might enjoy it. Set up a SKYPE account you will be able to talk to your D and will be able to see her and its all free ! just google skype and you and your daughter must both sign up, you will love this, my d lived in Japan for a year and we skyped each other all the time I got to see her friends there and see all her new clothes . GOOD LUCK</p>
<p>Hi, I am also a mother and my daughter will leave next fall. Last month I was weeping so much at the thought of her not being with us next year. But I have learnt to spend quality time with her and make the most of this year. My advice to you is to take evry minute as it comes and goes. Do not think about the day when she is leaving. When you left your mom, you must have felt the same. Make sure you and your daughter communicate and meet whenever possible. It will be alright I am sure. Take care.</p>
<p>Midwest - thanks for the laugh. I’ve developed my own coping strategy to ward off tears - which is to repeat the name of fast food restaurants. There is nothing less emotional to me than Burger King and Wendys. haha.</p>
<p>I know there is a bright future ahead. I’m not actually anticipating anything bad - I just will miss her so much. I’ve had friends move - but this is different. This is a piece of me that is growing up. I am so proud of her and love her so much, my days won’t be as much fun without her. I know eventually I will look for new ways to occupy my time. When I picture the future, oddly enough, my vivid picture is of the excitement I will feel when she calls or comes home. I expect it will get easier with each child because the anticipation has created realities that work. For right now, my heart is breaking.</p>
<p>I’m at the lump in the throat stage - I hate that feeling and it comes with the realization that “next week this time” she will not be here. No outward gloom though - she is also getting nervous so I don’t want to feed that. We just got back from spending a great 2 days at a B&B and day spa where we laughed and talked well into the night, shopped for going away gifts for her voice and piano teachers and had an overall wonderful time. A lot of her spare time over the next few days will be spent with high school friends so I’m glad we had our one on one time. A friend of hers said her mother told her she can’t leave the house for the last few days before leaving for college. That would not go over well at all here.</p>
<p>As I said, living in a house will all women has turned dear H into a marshmellow. At night when we lie down to go to sleep and everything is dark and quiet, he often says, “Where are our girls?”</p>
<p>i called my mom every other day last year. that was our ‘rule’. haha. but there were some weeks that i called her every day because i had excited news or i missed hearing her scream at me…lol. but it will work out.</p>
<p>MidwestParent - I also posted about “how not to cry” last year! At the time it was for advice on getting through HS graduation :)</p>
<p>Graduation went OK. That last goodbye, though-- leaving S1 at college, was rough. I managed to keep it together pretty well for his sake, just a few quiet tears as we descended the dorm steps (yet H. STILL felt obliged to comment “get a grip on yourself, Mama.” Grrr). I saved my big cry for late that night when I was alone in the hotel parking lot. Women with so-called marshmallow husbands take note-- count yourselves lucky!</p>
<p>I remember years ago asking my wonderful next-door neighbor how she was handling her daughter’s recent departure for college. I think I was expecting something light-hearted or witty, but she very matter-of-factly said “I miss her and I cry every day.” Having been through it with S1, I can now relate. However, it DOES get better! </p>
<p>S1 (along with D2) is the talkative one in our family. It left quite a void when he was gone. I missed our conversations on just about everything. During those first few exhilarating weeks of school we heard from him only sporadically, but gradually got into a routine where he calls almost every day to touch base. My advice to new college parents is to let your child make the calls, when the timing is best for them. Unlike us, they might not be as willing to drop everything to chat.</p>
<p>Now, reaching the end of his first summer at home after freshman year, I realize that home is probably not where he is at his best anymore. It’s not sad, really, it just IS. I was the same way at his age. Also, he’s not the type of person who enjoys relaxing. His days at college are packed with studies, friends, and seemingly constant activity, and he loves it that way. It will be a little sad to say goodbye again in a couple weeks, but definitely easier than the first time around. Hang in there!</p>
<p>Sometimes you just have to let go.</p>
<p>Of course we have to let go, but it’s still sad, and it’s okay to say so among others who share your sadness.</p>
<p>I made the going away CD last night and cried my eyes out. I had to keep running in the bathroom when no one could see me. I put songs from her childhood, some Disney, Raffi plus songs that inspire me plus Helen Reddy “you and me against the world” and some you can call me anytime kind of songs like “ain’t no mountain high enough”. I didn’t give her the directory of songs, just a heartfelt note with no tear stains. I think I’ll sneak it in her dorm room before we leave and say goodbye. So cheesy but I am glad I did this. She may appreciate it more when she’s MY AGE!</p>
<p>Do you remember the Carol King song, “Child of Mine?” The lyrics are perfect and will definitely bring some tears. There is a particularly poignant version on You Tube that features an artist’s works of mothers and daughters. </p>
<p>Search You Tube for “Mary Cassatt (Child of Mine)”</p>
<p>He’s gone. S2, my youngest, and my H pulled out of the driveway about 30 minutes ago. I will be flying to California to meet them on Monday for move in and family orientation, so I will see him again before the big good-bye, nevertheless, the house feels really big and empty right now.</p>
<p>Aw timely. Your first sentence is so profound. I am dreading the same thing Sunday morning early when we drop her off at the airport. We too will be seeing her again a few days later when we bring up all of her stuff, but it will only be for a few hours. I think the two stage departure will make things easier? I have also allowed myself the thought that I can go see her in a few weeks if I need to. I spent the night packing. As we cleaned out her closet, it really began to hit me. Everything is changing. <em>hugs to you</em></p>
<p>What NOT to do after your child leaves for college: </p>
<p>After we dropped S at college last year, we drove home. That night I wandered into his too-neat room, looked around and thought, “These are the things that he chose to leave behind.” The sculpture from 4th grade, the posters… and I thought, “It’s over. After 18 years of raising a child, it’s over. He’s gone on to bigger and better things and left us behind.” When you so totally identify yourself as a PARENT, it’s just a shock that at some point you don’t have a child living at home any more.</p>
<p>But I was sort of wrong. He’s been home all summer this year. It’s not over, just different. He’s leaving again next week, and this year will be a lot easier.</p>
<p>She left this morning. We’ve been lucky enough to spend a lot of time together in between her goodbyes to friends and really had a great week. Last night she gave each member of our family a long letter telling us how important we were to her and how much she loves us. I can’t tell you how much that meant to my other children. We all sobbed, but then promised each other that we would not cry at the airport. We stayed up late and talked and were with each other. We were all at the airport at 6 am and kept our word - dry eyes. She just texted me that she’s landed in her college town. Life goes on. I am going to miss her with everything I have. My pain is so concrete. I have a new sense of appreciation for my other kids. Overriding everything - I am so excited for my D to begin her independent life and am so happy to have her as a best friend. <em>Ugh</em> I wasn’t aware I had so many tears. Looking forward to happy communications…</p>
<p>BusyMom - that brought tears to my eyes. Between the lump in the my throat and my eyes brimming at the least little thing, I’m a mess. She is upstairs - finally packing - we leave tomorrow morning. We have spent some great time together too over the last couple of weeks so I am as prepared as I can be. Like you, I will really miss her company. Maybe we’ll still get into a fight before she leaves to make things easier!</p>
<p>It sounds like it’s going to be a rough week for all of us.</p>
<p>S2’s room is such a disaster area that I’m not sure I can get it cleaned by Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Just talked with a friend of mine whose twins left for separate schools this past week and both she and DH are having a rough go of it. Having just read everyone’s posts today, I am so anxious about this week ( we leave Thursday and come home on Saturday) and of course, sending hugs to everyone going through this time. Time goes by sooo fast. I do want our kids to be independent and flourish-iit’s just that the thought of them not being here this time next week seems too painful to bear. </p>
<p>In my head I know I need to keep it together in front of both of them as much as possible-just not sure how to hide the ache in my heart.</p>
<p>I think I gave this advice earlier but it bears repeating:</p>
<p>In a couple of weeks, have a get-together with friends who have sent a kid to college (preferably their oldest child). We called it a “Semi-Empty Nest” party because all of us still had at least one kid at home. If it’s your last kid, call it an “Empty Nest” party. Swap stories about packing, drop-off, and what your life is like now. It was really fun and very helpful. If you’re really Empty Nesters perhaps you’ll make some more social plans with other Empty Nesters.</p>
<p>Our group got together a few times last year, and we’re getting together again this week before the kids head back out to school again, both the kids and the parents this time. </p>
<p>It helped me last year!</p>