<p>BusyMom - I feel the same way. I am relishing everything we’re doing getting ready for her to go and wanting time to slow down but, at the same time, I can’t wait to hear about her experiences and go to her performances at school (she’s a vocal performance major.) </p>
<p>I also certainly can’t say that our relationship is the “right” one but I do know that many of my friends who have daughters tell me how fortunate I am to have such a relationship. They told me when she was in elementary school to “just wait” that we won’t be so close in middle school. Then in middle school, I was told to “just wait” till she gets to high school. Things will change - she won’t want to spend time with you. Then people told me “just wait” until the summer before college - supposedly we would start fighting and I’d be glad to see her go. None of those things happened so I guess I’ll just keep waiting and enjoying.</p>
<p>The reality that my daughter is leaving is beginning to really hit me too. All this past year, I’ve been excited for my daughter and her new opportunities. I’ve gone on about how great it will be to live in a dorm, meet new people, etc… I imagined her there, imagined me going about life, seeing her on visits.</p>
<p>And now the past few days, I find myself on the couch at night, realizing that nothing will ever be the same. If I want to see her, I can’t just go to her room. Her annoying curling iron will no longer be on the bathroom sink. </p>
<p>I’ll be the only female in the house. Sometimes I feel as if she is the only one here who really cares about me. There have been times that I’d stay out late at the grocery store browsing, only to come home and find her on the couch waiting up for me, because she worried. And when I honk the horn for help with groceries, no matter what time of the day, it’s always her that came out to help me. </p>
<p>It makes me feel like getting an apartment out by the college.</p>
<p>It’s very clear that we are all in the same boat, the same kind of relationship with our daughters! Good, we’ll be able to help each other in the next few weeks! But please don’t think it’s never going to be the same. It is the same, with added layers, and some changes. My daughter worries about me, too. We’re the only females, with two sons and a husband. She worries about me coming back home to empty bedrooms, and “no one to play with”! Still worries, and this is our third year. But we look forward to our two-day drive up, just the two of us. I’ll leave her, and her car up north and head back to Florida. It’ll be ok, really!</p>
<p>I am really envious of you guys with such great relationships with your D’s. My D (now age 23) did not go to college. She was a rebel and very high strung (turns out that she has Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but we didn’t know that then), and there was a lot of tension and fighting. When she left the first time (she bounced in and out a few times), I was so relieved. Actually, with the ins and outs, I was always relieved when she left.</p>
<p>However, even with our difficult relationship, since she got married a year ago and really moved out, our relationship has been great. We talk on the phone a lot, and I enjoy her so much. Actually, she was back at home for 6 months before her wedding, and we had a great time together working on the wedding. I cherish that memory after all the hard times we went through.</p>
<p>So, I say all that to say that if my D and I enjoyed a better relationship after she left home, I’m sure you guys who already have a great relationship will have an even better one!</p>
<p>timely, I can sympathize, my oldest S had a lot difficulties in school and generally growing up. But after he moved out and as an adult, he is so much easier to get along with. He is a pleasure to be around now:) Adolescence can be so difficult on kids that beat to a different drum.</p>
<p>I am glad you and your D are enjoying a new found relationship.</p>
<p>timely - it’s so great that you kept an open mind throughout the difficult years and have worked your way towards a great relationship. It makes me sad when I see people go through bumps and give up on their relationship. </p>
<p>I had a bumpy relationship with my mom. To compensate for that, I worked extra hard on my relationship with my D, and probably was too tolerant. She is a great kid - but there are plenty of times I could have chosen to be more strict or impose more discipline. I think she was just “wired” to tell the truth, and that’s what got us through the difficult teenage years. </p>
<p>I know that I have been blessed with a good relationship and so much of it comes from the way my D has been since birth. I am so hopeful that I will be able to grow similar relationships with my other kids, although they are completely different and will need very different parenting. I have friends that are great moms, but have children who were difficult from the day they were born. Having an open mind like you Timely - allows my friends, and you, to work through a lot, without being judgmental, towards a great future.</p>
<p>My D’s last day of work was today. We’re having more and more lasts. Now I wish she would just start packing. When I asked her about packing, she showed me a little shoe box and said “look I packed my scarves!” That may be the only thing she packs at this rate - so then I could have a whole new problem on my hands!</p>
<p>S2 is also working his last day today. Should be home in about 30 minutes from delivering pizzas. This week he needs H to give him a PT (physical training) test for ROTC. (ROTC liaison at his detachment said his dad could give it to him since Dad is an Army officer). Also needs to make a 1-2 minute film that he is to bring with him for his Intro to Visual Storytelling class. I’m going to have him make sure his bike is all tuned up and aired up and that the bike rack we bought will fit on the car. He has given me a list of the “last meals” he wants me to fix for him. :)</p>
<p>Anybody else want to share what’s on the agenda for this week?</p>
<p>
I don’t deserve too much credit. Let’s just say it’s a good thing you aren’t allowed to divorce your kids. ;)</p>
<p>We’re doing “last meals” too. For my daughter, that includes her favorite restaurants. I don’t know what happened? I used to think I was a great cook - but my kids prefer restaurant food. It seems that when I make food at home, I can never find one meal that satisfies anyone. If I do hit on something - I overdo it out of the thrill of making everyone happy, and then we get sick of it. That’s one thing that I see easing up in my future - my pickiest eater is the D going off to college! We might actually see a casserole or crock pot dish in my house again! There is a silver lining in every cloud!</p>
<p>Today I’m taking all of the kids to an amusement park for one of their birthdays. The b-day girl wanted to go to an amusement park with just her siblings - I’m surprised the 18 year old is going so willingly, but I can see that she wants these bonding moments as well. </p>
<p>We have days set aside for hair, nails, mall and maybe…packing? I am hopeful that we come up with something “meaningful” for the last night she has home.</p>
<p>I told myself that I was not going to read this formum anymore-too sad and once you are on, 5 mins turns into 2 hours:) I am procrastinating the task of packing my son’s stuff which I have to get started with today. But, after reading the previous posts, I know that I am going to be more of an emotional wreck. The posts on kindergarten made me remember that my son has saved every card, note, ticket stubs, hotel card keys that he has every received and I cannot bare going through his room and dealing with all of those memories. </p>
<p>And, tomorrow is his birthday and I cannot even send him anything so it is so hard. We celebrate every holiday imaginable -including groundhog day-so I don’t even know what to do with myself tomorrow.</p>
<p>I remember people telling me when my son was born that time will go in a blink of an eye, and I never believed that then and now I cannot believe that it did. Thanks for all of the stories and tears!</p>
<p>My daughter who is wiser than me sometimes said I shouldn’t look at her leaving for college as leaving for good or for a long time. She suggested I look at the sections of time. Drop off next week until fall break mid October, then 2 weeks later we visit for parents weekend etc etc. That perspective really helped me. Hope it helps you guys!</p>
<p>BusyMomof4 - THanks for sharing my post with your D. I haven’t even told my D about this board but will. </p>
<p>I do love that JT song. I have Carly and their kids singing that song as well. Beautiful version.</p>
<p>She’s leaving next week. NOt sure if I’ll get the CD done in time or if that will be first care package. I’m also crocheting granny squares in her school colors for an afghan. That should be ready by the time it gets cold!</p>
<p>My daughter (and my sister) said I should just pretend my D is going off to camp! (Think of each block of time that we are apart from her as if each one was “camp” because thinking of August to May is awful, but when you think of it as short segments of time, as robinp56 says, it is not quite as bad.) I know, pathetic…</p>
<p>
My D said I could stay in her dorm room with her and sleep on the lime green shag rug her roommate brought. We laughed but I was thinking, “hmmm…”</p>
<p>Why oh why do I <em>ever</em> read this thread at work? I just had to make up some feeble story about allergy eyes.</p>
<p>I have thought about the impending departure as the chunks of time–the four weeks before parents weekend, the almost two months til Thanksgiving, the couple of weeks before Christmas. But I gotta say that’s only minor solace. It actually took me until my oldest was about half way through high school before it started to occur to me that college isn’t just some four-year camp you send your kid off to. That seemed to be something that I could get through–just eight short semesters, with lots of time at home in between. But in the end, they don’t come back (or, at least, that’s the goal). That’s when they leave for good. I don’t think my brain has completely processed that part yet.</p>
<p>I find reading this forum right now very cathartic. I want to wallow (when my D is out) and I want to feel the deep emotions I have for my D. Thankfully, it’s all balanced by how excited I am for her. As a result, I can pretty much hold myself together in public. Every mom’s post makes me cry though. It’s amazing that those little tiny babies grow to be adults that leave. We spend so much time and effort grooming them for their wonderful life, and then they leave. That somehow doesnt seem fair! Your post hit me ingerp (and of course I cried!) - this departure is just the first step towards them leaving for good! </p>
<p>Happy Birthday to your son 1done2togo! That is a tough “first” to go through, for you and your S. Maybe you could have pizzas delivered, or convince a bakery to send something? He will know that his mom is thinking of him, and that’s what’s most important. We too celebrated every holiday. I remember making Lincoln out of hamburger and mashed potatoes for President’s Day! No one ate Lincoln though - so we moved on to something else!</p>
<p>My D leaves in four days. All I want to do is shop with her.</p>
<p>BusyMom: That is so funny about Lincoln, thanks for the much needed laugh-we have to share stories about this as my kids and their friends think I am insane, but then again if I don’t celebrate something they miss it.</p>
<p>It is a sad day that it is his birthday, but he did text me that he did have four birthday celebrations last year-it is hard to explain here why-so I don’t feel too badly. </p>
<p>We’re a family of 6 and fill up every chair at the dinner table. I lost it on the first dinner home when I was setting the table and I recognized the empty chair and empty placemat. It took a long time to get use to. But what a celebration it was when she was home during break and all seats and placemats were filled!!</p>
<p>Good luck! You’ll be surprised with the next level your relationship with your D will grow into while she is in college. If you already have a close relationship with her, she will eagerly want to share all her new experiences with you. I share your joy and excitement!!!</p>
<p>I wrote the post below almost exactly a year ago. It was written tongue-in-cheek, but as I think Freud said There is much truth in humor! Thought it might help everyone who is leaving a child for the first time and hopefully give them a laugh at the same time!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, it is a year later. We made it through leaving our baby at college for her freshman year, but it was hard. I will take to my grave the expression of complete sadness on my husbands face as he hugged her goodbye. Things got better with time and we developed a new routine of sorts for the two of us. And yes, I used the techniques listed above OFTEN! Our older D graduated in May and got married last Saturday. Although it was a very joyous occassion, H and I face a completely different kind of “loss” this year. Younger D returns from a summer language program Friday, only to turn around and have us drive her to her school 6 hours away on Sunday. We get her for one day before she heads back. The language program is 1500 miles away so we flew with her in June to help her with all the luggage. When we left her, D, H and I were again in tears. Back in the rental car dear H said, Do you think we will ever leave her without crying? My response, I hope not. It is part of life and I think those of us who have absolutely loved having our kids at home for the past 18, 22, or how ever many years it has been will be saddened when they leave. It does get better I promise!</p>
<p>Seriously, I understand and commiserate with the OP, but spending well over $100,000 the next four years, when we do not have it on hand, tends to overshadow, for me at least, the emotional issue spoken by OP - and I am actually very sentimental.</p>
<p>That is, just figuring out how we are going to do this magic act - of paying for it - kind of occupies/dominates our minds.</p>
<p>Back to the OP’s topic: This helped for me: for the hs grad party, I collected lots of the old video and pics we took and I made a DVD of D’s 1st 18 yrs. In it we copiously emphasized how much we love her and what she means to us.</p>
<p>Here is the ending: as she walked down the aisle at graduation, and following pomp and circumstance as the starter, I had Your Song - from *Moulin Rouge<a href=“very%20important,%20since%20it%20is%20emotionally%20rendered%20in%20this%20movie,%20reflecting%20your%20feelings”>/I</a>, and interspersed pictures of her life, from a baby to the present.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I KNOW this is how the OP feels, 'cause I feel, we all feel here in this forum, the same way about our kids.</p>
<p>Just today I thought I might compress it down to an MP4 and put it on her Ipod as a reminder.</p>
<p>I thought about posting this morning at the same time iamnotspock59 was up…no sleep in our house these days for DH, myself-not apparently for DD or DS. DS finally told me last night he was nervous about going to school and sad about saying good-bye to so many of his friends. My heart is breaking, but I am trying desperately to keep a positive affect with both kids since I know they “read” my face for how things are REALLY going. </p>
<p>We leave for school ( both chose same college) one week from tomorrow-DH and I literally do not know how to get through each day. I read every post on this thread-update H and then try to remind myself this is what we have prepared both kids for for 18 years. Midwestparent-I am sending the how not to cry list to several people including DH-if only one or two ideas help-even the humor helps at our home these days. </p>
<p>Sending cyber thank-yous and hugs to everyone on this journey.</p>
I know, pathetic…</p>
That is a tough “first” to go through, for you and your S. Maybe you could have pizzas delivered, or convince a bakery to send something? He will know that his mom is thinking of him, and that’s what’s most important. We too celebrated every holiday. I remember making Lincoln out of hamburger and mashed potatoes for President’s Day! No one ate Lincoln though - so we moved on to something else!</p>