<p>We should plan some regional empty nester meet ups.</p>
<p>two yrs ago, we sent our oldest off to college. I was an emotional wreck and a little hard to live with from the weeks before until just after dropping her off …I cried on the street as we hugged goodbye outside of her dorm and felt very meloncholy on the flight back home. I recall snapping at my husband when my youngest called me after my flight to tell me that she hadn’t had dinner yet, and it was 9 pm…( he did feed her, but she was twisting my arm )
Anyway, we all adjusted and visited her twice in the fall. Once was because of a family wedding, once for parent’s weekend and the last time was to see her for her birthday in early Dec.
Now that she is entering her junior year, I am very comfortable with the scenario, though I will miss her again when she departs.</p>
<p>Daughter #2 will also be leaving this year and I can rationalize it better, having gone thru it already, but I feel guilty that I cannot be the one taking her to her college and I feel the apron strings pulling once again.</p>
<p>It is a hard transition for all of you , but you must remain strong for them because his is what you raised them for…not to be clingy and afraid to strike out on their own and make their OWN dreams come true.
It is hard to balance the logic with the emotion , but we all make it thru
Just keep telling yourself how proud you are of their accomplishments and how well you raised them to be so independant.
I have a few young men who work for us that are not independant and ambitious…while I am grateful to have them , I am equally grateful that my kids did not follow their paths.</p>
<p>Threekids, I’m moving to norther lower Michigan. I can’t imagine that there are many from there on CC.</p>
<p>This may have been said before, since I didn’t read through all the posts. Last year, I thought I’d be a wreck when our only child (son) went off to school 2000 miles away. When we got there, his excitement was really contagious. I was so happy for him starting off on this new phase of his life that I really didn’t feel sad.</p>
<p>One piece of advice: don’t clean her room right after she leaves. I did, and each time I walked by his room, it looked so empty. After the Christmas break, I left it messy for a few weeks!</p>
<p>I just read all of the posts since my own on 7-29. We leave to take out twins ( and only children) to school two weeks from today and DH and I are so depressed I cannot believe it. I thought I would get a little better about this-I have realized though, that both S and D ( especially D) are paying close attention to our moods and reactions-so I know it is important to act excited. I can actually get caught up in the frenzy of planning, buying, packing-but then I think about actually having to leave them at school and I cannot bear the thought. </p>
<p>Is it better to try and visualize that moment so we can become stronger when it actually happens?</p>
<p>Hey Georgia! Good thread to see you on. I feel for you with both going away…you are in good company here!</p>
<p>I have read the whole post over the last few days…been working late so read in small doses.</p>
<p>Although my D is a senior it still feels like yesterday when she left! I felt everything you are feeling now. H and I cried as we drove home after the convocation and goodbye ceremony. She was still recoverying from a terrible heartbreak which made it twice as hard to leave her.</p>
<p>I have written her notes over the years, as she was leaving, birthdays, etc. I was helping unpack some things when I helped her move this summer and she had all the notes. She pulled out one her dad wrote (who’d have thunk!) that was so sweet.</p>
<p>We emailed and IM’d a lot and sometimes I think she shared more of her inner feelings because she could write it down.</p>
<p>There were a lot of “lasts” that summer, but there have been so many “firsts” the last 3 years. Thank
goodness for digital cameras! And yes, we sometimes cringe at some of the pics, but thank God they feel comfortable sharing.</p>
<p>Timely: I do the beach too! Not as often as I would like. D’s school is by the beach too, so it makes me feel closer to her. We may look silly, but somehow I feel younger and the stresses of life seem to wash away!</p>
<p>D’s are harder I think. My boys took different routes, not going to college for S1 (musician) and S2 took several years off…needed a lot of maturing, so although they moved out they were always nearby. S1 did travel a lot overseas and that was hard, but he wasnt gone more than 4 - 6 weeks.</p>
<p>D’s and moms share alot, it is so hard to not have them there for the cuddling and chic movie. I still watch chic flicks that we often watched together and then chat with D about the parts we loved!</p>
<p>Anyway, sorry to ramble, but this is a great thread to find support…you don’t have to be too brave, but you will survive and there are lots of good experiences ahead. </p>
<p>Truthfully, I still get knots in my stomach when she drives away…I still do nesting things when she is coming home.</p>
<p>When my brother went to Vietnam, my mom told him if he got homesick to look at the moon, the one thing she and he could see from different parts of the world. We continue this with our kids when they are away. Some nights D will just call and say, “Mom, can you see the moon?” :)</p>
<p>I’m having a hard time today. S2 is in his room packing right now; we leave in 8 days. He never does anything ahead of time, but he’s obviously excited. I mean, he’s not acting excited, just very matter of fact. I’m trying so hard not to let him see me cry.</p>
<p>Timely, Hang in there- I will be thinking of you. I am learning the wisdom of not letting your kids see you cry-it’s hard when your family is close and use to sharing a lot. At least he is packing in advance and it signals to you he is excited. </p>
<p>JC-it’s so nice to see a post from you. Your ideas and the story about your mom and brother in Vietnam is especially poignant. I never thought about the moon as a common link. When I think about what your mom must have gone through sending her son to Vietnam-or what parents face now sending children to the middle east, I almost feel guilty feeling so sad.</p>
<p>I think the moon as a common link is a great idea. There’s the Disney song…“Somewhere out there” that refers to the moon and would probably make me cry if I heard it right now. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to send a child off to war or military action. My heart really goes out to those families. College will be hard enough. </p>
<p>I went to an “attending students” reception tonight with my D and it really helped to see her meeting new people with such excitement. It also feels good to have her connected to someone local!</p>
<p>I met someone today who had a 7th grade D and I told her that I was sad about my oldest leaving and with tears in her eyes she told me about a commercial where a family is dropping their child off at college and they witness several typical college experiences. Every time the mom in the commercial looks at her D, she can only see her as a little girl. The woman telling me the story could not get through it without her voice breaking. I of course had to join her in tears just picturing the commercial. How pathetic is that? Has anyone seen that commercial?</p>
<p>I agree about not crying in front of my kids about this. I’ve already gone through with my D that we will NOT cry when we leave each other, because we know that would mean a total breakdown.</p>
<p>Timely - I think all kids are nervous. They are trying their best to act “grown up” because they know that’s expected of them. His excitement is probably equal to his nervousness.</p>
<p>Oh I’ll cry - my D knows I’ll cry and she’ll probably cry too. </p>
<p>Neither one of us is a country music fan, but we heard the song “You’re Gonna Miss This” on a show and it has become our theme song. Everytime I do something she finds dorky or silly, I just twang to her “You’re gonna miss this - you’re gonna want this back” and we laugh. Heaven forbid I hear that song in public after she leaves! I’m hoping I’ll just laugh.</p>
<p>Yes, it sounds like we are all pathetic.</p>
<p>Tonight I am home alone, and I started thinking about when I started bleeding heavily and went into pre-term labor 7 weeks before S2 was born. I remember crying and saying, “No! My baby, my baby!” I thought I would lose him and now I am going to lose him. I know that I’m not losing him, really. But it feels that way. Yep…pathetic.</p>
<p>Ugh…I know how you feel timely. I feel like I am losing my D. Every time I say that …even I correct myself…I’m not losing her it’s just changing, but it’s hard to help the way I feel!! I know she will do great… me? not so sure.</p>
<p>If my D and I don’t agree to not cry when we leave each other, I think they will have to call the authorities to have me removed. If I was really able to display all of my emotions, I think I would scare people! I remember her first day of kindergarten, she didn’t want to go in and was holding on to my arm. Her teacher decided to “help” her in the classroom and was pulling on the other arm. I let the teacher pull her in. Can’t I pull her out now??? …This is one time when I need the fast forward button, just to see that we will not lose the closeness that we have.</p>
<p>Thought I would check this thread since I cannot sleep. Timely- you are sooo right-we are all pathetic-and I have decided proud to be that way. Even though I feel my heart is breaking, I know none of us would feel this way if we did not have close relationships with our kids.</p>
<p>BusyMomof4-I am reading your post and laughingly remembering having DS pulling out a handful of my hair during preschool when he was 4 years old. He was so afraid of being left without me for 3 hours and now is filling as many hours in the next four days with 2 friends who will be leaving for different colleges next week. Where can we purchase the fast forward button and does it come with some sort of guarantee that your children will “settle-in” safely and that you can see yourself and spouse surviving this period? It is so reassuring to know that DH and I are not along in our feelings.</p>
<p>I remember D starting pre-school, she too latched onto me crying… I was just walking to teach right across the hall from her classroom! </p>
<p>You are so lucky to have this thread, when D went away the atmosphere at the time here was to “let go” “get a life”.</p>
<p>Our kids will always be the most important part of DH and my life!</p>
<p>So it is OK to be sad and cry…the fast forward is they will grow up, but will always reach out for home and especially mom when they need you!</p>
<p>Well D is home this week…had a chick flick night:) Cherish the moments!</p>
<p>Hang in there everyone!</p>
<p>Someone said that to me last night … “let go.” For me this is not really about letting go or wanting to micromanage my child. It’s that I will miss her company, I’ll miss our private jokes, I’ll miss the way we can finish each other’s sentences, I’ll miss shopping with her, going out to lunch with her, watching her at her events, cheering her on, laughing at dumb jokes, chasing each other and hysterically laughing…I will miss the little blonde girl who has turned into a friend.</p>
<p>I am so thankful to have had her with me every day for the last 18+ years. We survived her early teen years, so I know there’s hope for the future! I’m just glad I have CC to vent without people telling me to “let go.” I am letting go, I’m just going to miss her. I agree Georgia - I’m proud to be pathetic!</p>
<p>Ok now I am crying Busy! You are echoing everything I felt when D left. I still feel this when she comes and leaves:( She even had 2 t-shirts made for us senior year that said “My mom is my best friend” and “My daughter is my best friend”. Someone once commented on it when I was wearing it when she had left. The comment indicated that I was a little “pathetic”, until they found out that D bought it for me. Then the person apologized and said they wished that they had that kind of mother/daughter relationship.
So we are not pathetic, we have just done it right, good parenting that blossomed into a wonderful relationship.
Our tears are the tears of pride, loss, anticipation, worry and love:) After 18 years, we have a right to have these emotions.</p>
<p>The next few weeks are going to be a myriad of emotions, swinging from the joy and excitment that you feel for them for this new adventure and the emptiness knowing they will not be a part of your everyday.</p>
<p>Remember they are going through the same emotions too.</p>
<p>I was very young when my brother was in Vietnam and really didn’t understand why my mom cried regularly as she wrote him letters…and this is only college, but still the tears. Funny, my mom is gone now, but these moments reconnected me with her spirit.</p>
<p>Thanks, JC, now I’m crying again after reading your post. </p>
<p>;)</p>
<p>busy…every post of yours could be about my daughter and me two years ago. I remember wishing I could jump from August to October and skip living through the time in-between. But at the same time it was exciting to watch her. And you two are so close, you’ll look forward to hearing about everything and sharing the excitement with her. It’ll be great, you’ll see.</p>
<p>And by the way, there are all kinds of mother/daughter relationships. I’m not sure it’s that we’ve done it right or anyone else has done it wrong. I think it’s a mixture of personalities, both ours and our daughters’, and parenting, as well as our own backgrounds as daughters of our mothers</p>
<p>I am looking forward to feeling settled about all of this. I know it will come. I am so excited for her to go, but sad for her to leave. I’m looking forward to hearing about all of her new experiences.</p>
<p>I agree threekids -I don’t know that I have the “right” relationship with my D. I have a great relationship with her now, but does that mean that she’ll turn out better because of it? I don’t think so. She has not changed, even a bit, from the way she was when she was a little girl. She’s always been headstrong, independent and fiercely driven. I’ve just been lucky enough to become her friend. There are lots of mother/child relationships that have been a lot bumpier, but will produce a great adult. I don’t think there is a “right” way to be a parent - it depends on the child, the parent and the circumstances as to which type of parenting works. I have four children, and all of them need a different type of parent. I just hope somehow, that I end up with four children that are close to each other and close to us!</p>