<p>Dad is in skilled nursing at the moment, and will not be out by Thanksgiving. The rest of the family, including Mom and her 93-year-old BFF, will be having the big traditional dinner at my house. The problem is how to have a festive dinner for everyone else, while also including Dad in the celebration somehow.</p>
<p>Ideas we’ve rejected:<br>
*Having our dinner at the nursing home (too many people for his room, too hard logistically to get all the food over there, plus two other very elderly people)
*Scrapping the big traditional dinner, and having some kind of takeout at the nursing home (just seems kind of sad…)
*Bringing Dad to my house for dinner (he’s not ready to be out, even for a few hours)
*Taking him a plate after we finish our dinner (which would be 8pm-ish – after he’s already had the nursing home’s Thanksgiving dinner)</p>
<p>Couldn’t you have your thanksgiving dinner earlier so you could bring him a plate before he had eaten there?
He probably will sleep much better if he eats earlier rather than so late.</p>
<p>I second doing a celebration for him (of whatever size) on a day other than Thursday. I think the gathering is more important than the day it happens. (My sibs and mom gather on a day <em>near</em> Christmas, but really never on Christmas or Christmas Eve any more. Most often the weekend before, but I like having multiple celebrations!)</p>
<p>A dear friend of mine was in a respiratory rehab during Thanksgiving and Christmas a few years ago. We (and her family) met in her room on Thanksgiving morning. She couldn’t eat solid food at the time but you could bring your dad some breakfast yummies like homemade coffee cake, etc.</p>
<p>We did the same thing on Christmas Eve Day (although her family went there on Christmas Day).</p>
<p>When my mom was sick and it was apparent she wasn’t coming home from rehab, we were going to bring her home for the dinner. But when I got there, it was apparent it was going to be too much for her, so she ended up having the nursing home dinner while I went home for the family dinner.</p>
<p>We showed up afterward with desserts to share with her. She was rested after having a nap, and the dessert was something we could do without taxing her or creating a huge fuss in room. And she really liked her desserts.</p>
<p>We have a similar issue with my mom. She is in assisted living and is having some health issues that make in impractical for her to spend any real time away. For the last couple years we have done 2 Thanksgivings anyway…one with family that is here in town and then another with inlaws etc in another city. Since Thanksgiving is not so much about what day it’s on, we usually do the in-town Thanksgiving the weekend before Thanksgiving and the out of town one on Thanksgiving day. You could consider doing yours the weekend following if he will be more able to partipate then.
At Mom’s place they do have a small room with a table available for us to reserve for family gatherings, but it is not available this year, so they are letting us use a couple of the tables in the dining area…We just scheduled it for a time when they are not serving their meals. You might see if the place where your dad is has some sort of space available, and that may be more available on an alternate day for Thanksgiving. Last year we discovered that Cracker Barrel offers a complete Thanksgiving dinner )details on their website), all hot, ready to go, for an extremely reasonable price…and it was soooo good! We ordered it again for this year. The to-go dinner package doesn’t include pie or drinks, but that just means we bring our own family fave dessert and a gallon of tea. They do have pies you can order though.</p>
<p>What if you did all those things combined? You could take him something special for breakfast and have a good visit. Have Thanksgiving at home, eating a bit early. Return to see him with some of your guests (closest and most mobile relatives) and dessert. Bring him a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers for his main meal on Friday.</p>
<p>Could someone (not everyone) join him for the noon dinner on Thanksgiving Day, follow up with a bigger gathering on Friday or after he is out of skilled nursing (if that is soon)?</p>
<p>I like the above idea. Who ever is doing the majority of cooking goes to breakfast with Dad, then maybe a handful of others can go enjoy lunch with him, (which also keeps them out of your kitchen…lol). And then maybe a revisit in the evening with dessert. For me. This holiday is not about food as much as the ability to reconnect with family, so making him a priority would be my choice,</p>
<p>I know this suggestion will sound like a joke, but I was considering it for a friend who was across the country and unable to make a get-together:</p>
<p>Tape a tablet on your chest with skype running.</p>
<p>Some of this comes down to his abilities at the moment at the SNF. Is he physically (and mentally/attitudinally) able to eat in the dining room with others or is he pretty much stuck in his room? Is he even able to eat regular food? Is he cognizant? Is he sentimental about Thanksgiving or does he not really care?</p>
<p>If he’s pretty cognizant then I like the idea of someone (or a couple of people) joining him in his room or at the dining room if possible to eat the meal with him (there’ll probably be a nominal charge for the guests). </p>
<p>If that’s not possible, then if you know he likes something in particular, say a cheesecake pumpkin pie, then maybe bring him a piece of that later, after your dinner or the next day depending on how sentimental he is about the day.</p>
<p>Think forward to Christmas/Chanukah in the event he’s still in the SNF at that time. If he is, see if there are decorations in the lobby or something and consider heading there and exchanging some gifts. </p>
<p>This is a tough time for some of these people in these facilities and it can be lonely and depressing for them. I’m glad you’re thinking this through.</p>
<p>After reading over your ideas and talking with Mom, here’s what we’ve decided on. In the morning, the non-cookers (my brothers and nephew) will go over for a visit. We’ll have dinner at my house as scheduled, and then we’ll take some after-dinner pie over to Dad, Mom and I and whoever else wants to go. On Friday, we’ll make him up a day-after plate, turkey sandwich with a side of stuffing and more pie, and take it over for a lunchtime visit.</p>