Help! Please!

<p>I'm stuck and would really appreciate some comments.</p>

<p>Intellectual experience</p>

<p>"Humans only utilize ten percent of their brains." Although, numerous scientists disagree with this fact there are times I wonder if it could be true at all. I ran across this thought when I was in class one day. My math teacher was going to go around the class asking for the answer to a problem on the board. My first thought was, "please don't call on me." Within the minute it took to write the problem at least twenty thoughts had crossed my mind. The comments ranged from, "What is the answer?" to "what am I wearing tomorrow?" Then I think about how amazing the human mind truly is. If so many thoughts can cross my mind within such a short amount of time, what else is my mind capable of? I wonder if I commit my full effort into coming to conclusion. And if I don't, how much more knowledge would I possess? When I ponder on this subject I realize the only way I can ensure that I can posses more knowledge to be able to utilize my mind's full potential is to continue my education. Although, I do not know if humans utilize ten or one hundred percent of their brains I am positive that the mind is one of the most interesting subjects and that the only way to ensure that humans reach and fulfill their full compactly is to purse a higher education.</p>

<p>I feel like this one is a dumb ending.</p>

<p>Why would Stanford be a good place for you?</p>

<p>Since I was eight years old I had my heart set on one university-Stanford. As a young girl I never knew exactly why I had chosen Stanford, besides the beautiful campus and everything I heard about it. My superficial interest in Stanford continued until my junior year, when I was given the opportunity to attend a summer school course on Stanford's campus. I took an international relations class which introduced me to the political science department at Stanford University. Within the political science department Stanford presents an international relations course that would provide me not only with a strong foundation but with knowledge in specific areas that would give me a strong advantage in the international relations field that other schools could not. Understanding not only the politics but also the culture and economics of the different governments would give me a better understanding of governments around the world. Also, within the international relations program I would be able to apply cultural, economical and political factors to not only world governments but to local and regional areas. Stanford's political science department would provide me with the right information to become a successful ambassador, my future career. A bonus to the knowledge I gained about Stanford was that I realized my heart truly does belong to Stanford. As cliche as it sounds, I was comfortable as soon as I stepped on the campus. It is truly the only school I can see myself attending. Therefore, I believe Stanford would be a not only a good, but the best place for me, because it is a school that would challenge me to unleash my full potential in a field of study which is notorious, plus it is where my heart belongs.</p>

<p>Too cheesy?</p>

<p>You should really take these down, edit now.
I’ll PM you my critiques.</p>

<p>You need to check your grammar (your tense is inconsistent) and I agree with goldysocks, take them down immediately!</p>

<p>^Too late it seems. Anyways I think there are a lot of changes you can make, so it shouldn’t matter too much.</p>

<p>Your first essay needs to be tightened up. It just feels like your mind/writing is shifting constantly (which could be the feel you’re going for, but I doubt that. If so you need to strengthen that stream of consciousness style). Yeah I don’t like the ending either. Find out the main thing you want to say (because you seem to be saying quite a lot right now) and say it. </p>

<p>Your second essay I think is without. The prompt says “why Stanford,” but at the same time admissions is looking as to what you bring to the school. The best essays integrate this seamlessly into describing the reasons they want to attend the school. I see you now as only a happy student in the polisci department. Were you to be a student, there’s so much more you’d be.</p>

<p>thank you, time to copy and paste.jkjkjk</p>