HELP REALLY APPRECIATED ON ESSAY

BB prompt: Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions in authority?

From literature to real life, questioning prevailing ideas has proven beneficial because the prevailing idea may not be right and challenging it gives new opportunities for more morally correct ones. Evidence comes from the story of Oskar Schindler and from Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird.

Challenging the ideas of those in authority may not result in immediate success, but the victims of such ideas are evidently saved in the long term. During World War II, the chancellor of Germany, Adolf Hitler, ordered the killing of all Jews. A German businessman, Oskar Schindler, was a member of the Nazi party himself, and initially believed in Hitler’s ideas. However, after seeing the widespread sufferings of many innocent Jews just because of their race, Schindler saw the error in the Nazi ways. Therefore, he set up a factory of his own to employ, house, and feed Jews, using his Nazi identity to mask their presence. He went out of his way to obtain hundreds of illegal passports for the Jews, and died penniless. In Schindler’s lifetime, it is estimated that he saved 1200 Jews from horrific death sin gas chambers. Because of Schindler’s challenge to the ideas of Hitler, an authority at the time, the truth was later shed on the Germans, and many Jews had their lives saved.

Furthermore, challenging the popular belief enlightens people to see the world differently. In Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird the setting in Maycomb, Alabama, is one dominated by white supremacy and black discrimination. One day, a white girl from the least respected Ewell family, Mayella Ewell, rapes Tom Robinson, a black man from one of the most dignified families. Mayella then pins the blame on Tom because she knows she will win the court case due to her race. Atticus Finch, a disinterested lawyer, is appointed to defend Tom, and provides significant evidence that it was in fact Mayella is the real rapist. Despite this fact, the all-white jury goes with their biases and sends Tom to jail. However, in the wake of such a good fight against racism, many Maycomb residents realize the truth: that indeed all blacks ought to be treated equally as their white counterparts. While many feel sympathy for Tom, they display evident contempt towards the jury and the Ewell family, and Mayella’s father eventually loses his job. Partial justice results, but more importantly, Maycomb’s residents are then more aware of the fact that there is no difference between whites and blacks except their skin. Atticus Finch shows us the edifying consequences that result when challenging the ideas in authority.

As shown by Oskar Schindler, a response to the dictatorial ideas of Hitler saved 1200 lives. Similarly, Atticus’s stand against racism revealed the truth to Maycomb County and corrected the residents’ initially flawed mindsets. Therefore, it is important to question the ideas and decision of people in positions of authority.

Rate it from 1-12, and let me know if I twisted any evidence too much to fit the prompt or I got some facts wrong. Try to grade it as an SAT grader would. :slight_smile:

Is this prompt from blue book test #1?

Your examples need a bit more analysis. For the Schindler example, you summarized his life and then gave us an analysis in the last sentence. For the Mockingbird example, you summarized the plot and then gave us a couple sentences of analysis. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to have a separate section of the P for analysis; you can weave analytical sentences in with the summaries. Your lack of analysis impairs the “clear and consistent mastery” piece of the 6 requirement and makes it seem like you expect the reader to connect the dots.

The Mockingbird example seems more like it applies to questioning society and/or popular belief rather than questioning authority. The Schindler example works because the Nazi ideology is enforced by the government.

Your style is a bit more mature than other essays I’ve read, which is a plus.

Also, did you twist some of the plot for To Kill a Mockingbird? I don’t remember much, but your plot doesn’t sound right. If you are twisting the facts then be advised that most of those graders (I imagine) have read Mockingbird and probably know the plot pretty well.

Everything considered, I’d give this essay a 9 or 10 out of twelve. Others may disagree with me.

…if you would be so kind, could you grade my essay…? :smiley:

Thank you! I will grade your essay today!