<p>So far today my sister has called me four times. This is like most days. We are both business owners of different businesses. She calls to tell me every minute detail of her business from what an employee said or did, to info about a new product line, to the content or her next ad. She really doesn’t ask for advise she just assumes that I want to know all of this. When in actuality I am busy running my own business. I do not share my business details with her because to someone on the outside its not that interesting and I know that other people are busy. </p>
<p>I’ve taken to not answering the phone when she calls. I know I’m probably coming off as very insensitive but my question is how do I tell her that her calls are becoming very intrusive without hurting her feelings. I’m willing to listen a couple times a week but not multiple times per day. In a way I feel sorry for her because I don’t think her husband and grown kids are very willing to listen either.</p>
<p>How about beginning an email correspondence? She can get whatever it is off her chest when she needs to, you can read it at your leisure, like when you’re on hold, etc.</p>
<p>You may not be able to do this without hurting her feelings. But she still needs to hear it. Just be polite, tactful, and loving, and surely she will understand that you have a business to run as well. If she doesn’t, then there are bigger issues here.</p>
<p>^ She has been calling more than usual. It used to be only once a day. Unfortunately, her life is very one dimensional right now. Her kids are gone and her husband is wrapped up in his own business and socializes a lot without her. </p>
<p>Regarding comments about having her text or email, she doesn’t really do either of those. So I doubt she would bite on those suggestions.</p>
<p>The text and email suggestions were good ones but if she doesn’t use those, then you could still say when she calls “I am swamped at work and don’t have time to chat right now but would love to talk to you, and so please save everything and give me a ring tonight,” and that would get it back to just once a day hopefully.</p>
<p>Could you tell her you’ve no time to talk and suggest that email is the only option to share as much information as you are? “She’s in business, time to join the new millenium”, said the CC computer nerd</p>
<p>I think you’ve got to be honest with her. “Sis, I love to hear from you but do you realize this is the fourth time you’ve called me today? I’m swamped here! Why don’t you give me a call Tuesday night and we’ll talk then.” She may not realize that she’s calling you as much as she is.</p>
<p>The principles of behavioral shaping might work as a step before the more direct conversation that could be difficult if she is sensitive to rejection. Answer once a day, at a time when you would want to talk. Otherwise, don’t pick up–since each time you answer and provide whatever it is she is needing (attention, distraction, a break from boredom) you increase the liklihood she will call again by reinforcing it. When she asks why you aren’t responding at other times, tell her that it wasn’t a time you could talk because of your work which is an honest answer. You don’t really want to be distracted everytime she is feeling chatty. If she asks what would she do in an emergency–set up a plan like texting 911 or calling right back when you don’t answer. If she does and it is not a true emergency you will have to have a more direct conversation about what is driving her increased calling. This also gives you a way to talk about what she might be anxious about directly if that is part of this.</p>