<p>please critique my college essay for the common app (not a supplement essay-topic of your choice) for nyu and bu
thank you very much
Would purchasing the novel Intel processor compatible with the Socket 775 of my Foxconn motherboard be more beneficial to me than just buying a CPU cooler and overclocking my processor? Today, with my vast knowledge of computers I would be able to answer the aforementioned question with ease, but when I was nine which is the age at which I received my first computer, this question would have made no more sense in English than in a language that is foreign to me.
My first computer, a Dell Dimension 2400, was a dreadfully slow computer which had a wide array of problems including constant crashing and freezing. Later on, my computer failed to even power on as a result of a lightning storm. And so, because of my troublesome curiosity I attempted to fix it by opening the computer up. When I looked inside, I was confused as I did not know anything about what I was looking at. As a matter of fact, I struggled to put it back together.
After I got the computer fixed by the manufacturer, my curiosity caused me to learn more about what I had looked at previously. And so, I made it an objective to learn about what was inside which essentially fueled my passion for computers and technology. In fact, within several months, I knew about every part inside the computer as a result of spending countless hours learning parts, watching tutorial, and reading reviews.
As I grew and developed so did my love for computers and technology. I started to learn codes such as XHTML 1.0, HTML, CSS, and Visual Basic. In addition, I learned binary digits and how to use advanced programs to alter various aspects of your computer and operating system. However, the aforementioned knowledge I have gained are minuscule in comparison with all the knowledge I acquired when I built my own computer from scratch at age fifteen. By doing such I would be able to construct and configure my own computer in my way so that I have it working the way I would like it to work. But more importantly, by building the computer, I was able to skyrocket my knowledge of technology giving me a high-level of expertise in that field as well as further advancing my passion and love for it.
Throughout my life, my passion for computers and technology as a whole sprung from the incident that caused me to open up my computer. Ever since, I have made it my goal to gain more and more information about computers. And although building computers from scratch is a complex and difficult task for most, it is a hobby for me.</p>
<p>It’s a little dull. I am not getting the passion. Read it aloud. Does that sound like you talking? Try writing another draft, this time with over the top exaggeration, like you were describing these experiences to a friend, then bring it back down. Also, have your English teacher read it, some of your grammer is a little off. One last thing, don’t brag. Let them be impressed by your actions, not by your saying you are great.</p>