Hello all. Until I discovered this site, I believed that I stood a pretty good chance of getting into MIT, but after seeing the rather impressive resumes of others, I realized that MIT is probably the ultimate reach school for me.
Nevertheless, I’m giving my dream college a shot for early action, especially since their application is very convenient (the bulk of it is online). The Part 2’s are online as well, which gives me until this weekend (preferably Saturday) to submit it. Of course, I’m going to need all the help I can get, and with that in mind, I turn to all of you. As this is my first application, I am rather inexperienced with writing this stuff, so any help would be greatly appreciated.
Essay B An application to MIT is much more than a set of test scores, grades and activities. It’s often a reflection of an applicant’s dreams and aspirations, dreams shaped by the worlds we inhabit. We’d like to know a bit more about your world. Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations? (500 words or less)
(For safety reasons, I’m going to censor all places in asteriks.)
<pre><code>In a brief analysis of a map of place1, one might have a penchant to glance over the community of place2. An average town in the midst of suburbia, place2 has a population of about 26,000 people and is made up mostly of residential housing. Underlying this banal fasade, however, is an environment that fosters the development of goals and dreams. Having lived in place2 my whole life, I can vouch that my hometown features a lush and supportive environment and, more importantly, diverse and strong-willed people all of the ingredients necessary for a community to cultivate the conception and pursuit of ambitions and aspirations.
One of the most remarkable aspects of my community is the freedom of thought and expression it supports. I have found that the people I come in contact with are very diverse and open-minded. This results in an environment where the ability to think and express oneself freely is not only allowed but also encouraged. I believe that this type of environment is the most important factor in the cultivation of my dreams because it has allowed me to explore a wide variety of topics without undue restraint. Despite the fact that I am the descendant of three generations of doctors, my family did not complain and, in fact, supported me when I showed an interest in computer science. Had I grown up in a more restricted environment, I might have been forced to forsake my aspirations. Furthermore, I recall the heated debates I’ve had over the years with my relatives, my teachers, and my colleagues. I’ve been able to express my opinions on even the most controversial issues, which I believe has given me the confidence to pursue my goals.
Likewise, my community has helped shaped my dreams through its focus on scholastic excellence. This is because most of the families in my town are made up of upward mobile professionals who place great importance on the education of their children in order to succeed in life. In this environment, I have been motivated to be the best that I can be and to set my standards, and thereby my ambitions, to a high level. The intense but friendly academic rivalry between my peers has only served to increase the magnitude of this effect and prepare me for the competitiveness that I will undoubtedly encounter in my future. However, despite this rivalry, most of the students in my school have been very supportive and have helped me at every turn.
While place2 itself has its share of attractions, its proximity to place3 in particular has had a wide impact on my goals. With all of its cultural treasures and landmarks, my frequent trips to place3 have broadened my interests and molded my dreams. Experiencing the city’s museums, theaters, and restaurants has increased my cultural awareness. Undoubtedly, visits to the big city have made me much more worldly and ambitious in the formation of my dreams.
Comments: This is the biggie, folks. It came out good, but I’m mainly worried this essay might be a bit too impersonal. . .so any help fixing that would be great. In addition, the last paragraph is a bit weak maybe. Any help making that stronger would be cool. All coherent and intelligent criticisms will be appreciated.