Help with short answer

College Essays
1

<p>Im really bad at english, but have a really good point (IMO) that I want to get across. Here’s what I have so far:</p>

<p>What area of research should not be funded and why? <!–1500 Characters–></p>

<p>Why do we fund research to begin with? A cardinal impulsive force must exist that compels us to do so. Most logically it is our desire to find the truth and produce new knowledge. Any area of research that produces knowledge already obtained or which leads to incomplete or false knowledge is worthless and should not be funded. In all of my experiences this area has been studies chiefly based on statistics. While statistics can prove useful on many occasions it is often misused, misleading and meaningless. There are several methods in which accidentally or for the gain of the perpetrator false information can be produced by implementing statistics. For example, a tooth paste company funds a statistical study to convince buyers that their tooth paste whitens teeth. Coincidentally, 9 out of the 10 people who were surveyed report that indeed the paste did so. This statistic would leave people believing that the paste actually works, when the researchers could have simply selected 10 people with already white teeth. Other such studies conclude that one variable causes the change in another just because a correlation exist between the two. These false statistics, believed by many can be quite detrimental in the quest for the truth and new knowledge. Instead of funding statistical studies such as these the money should be spent on controlled experiments that produce results that are both precise and accurate. Only then could the results be established as the truth and new knowledge.</p>

<p>Any sort of help is appreciated. Thanks A LOT</p>

2

<p>While statistics can prove useful on many occasions it is often misused, misleading and meaningless. -> misleading, and meaningless
Most logically it is our desire to find the truth and produce new knowledge.-> I believe it would be, Most logically (pause) it is our… so -> Most logically, it is
For all numbers that are less than 100 I believe you write out the number (nine, ten, etc.)
Overall I must say your language is profound, very good. However, you shouldn’t be so broad and be more specific. Convey a argument and defend it. They already gave you a beginning to your argument. If you are going to use that example (the toothpaste), then either say that research is necessary or not. In short, be more straightforward. This essay should be more personal, a lot more personal. In order to do just that, you must talk about something that influences you.
I’ll provide a thought you may want to consider. Talk about something that influences your life heavily, something very simple that provides maybe some motivation, some liking for you, and say that that research makes an impact on your life. Even though many others feel like it’s an unnecessary funded program or such. And in the end you can argue that even though one research, program, etc. doesn’t affect a majority of people it provides some great influence in others and thus that these “researches” are necessary.
Or you can back up that argument they already gave you and say that research on life outside of our planet is costly and wasteful because we need to focus directly to our planets research, to defend ourselves from radiation, and to provide better ecosystems, etc.
Well I hope I provided some thought, and once again your language is good, just be more strong and direct</p>