<p>Hi!
I need serious help with the William and Mary supplement essay. The topic is basically anything about myself, and I had a really <em>really</em> hard time thinking of anything, so I wrote about being a good friend. Obviously with a weakish topic like this it needs to be well written, which right now it isn’t either. Would anyone be willing to read it over and help me? Since it’s an optional topic I think that at this point it might even be a good idea to not submit anything rather than to submit this…any help would be greatly appreciated!</p>
<p>hey, thanks for helping me with my essay. Send me yours and I can look at it for you.</p>
<p>Sure, I’d love to read it! Just pm me!</p>
<p>Suree, send it!</p>
<p>Thanks guys! I PM’ed you…feel free to send your essays if you need help with anything, I’ll do my best to help :)</p>
<p>I couldn’t PM you so here is what I said:</p>
<p>I tried to nit-pick this essay for grammatical errors but couldn’t find any. The examples you gave are really solid as well. Overall, you really illustrated how meaningful your friendships are to you and how you are really always there for everyone. Bravo! The only thing I would say, if I had to is that you should start with the noun after the verb in some sentences. Most of the sentences are subject+verb which makes it a bit choppy. Try something like: “Throwing (a verb)…(the subject)”. This will make it flow ab bit better. But other than that, good job</p>
<p>Thanks Ben!! I’ve been told I have a repetitive sentence structure before so I’ll definitely work on that! (:
Thanks again to all, your responses are really helpful</p>