<p>So I posted under the Help_Me username before. I stopped posting after a while in part becasue things weren’t getting better and in part because I was still talking to him. Eventually, I convinced him to come visit and then to come stay on permanent basis. And yes, I was stupid, because I knew that he wasn’t really into it, and I knew that I was going to get my heart broken, so if you want to say I was stupid, I was. Well, yesterday it all came crushing down. We got into a fight that I dragged out (my fault), and he left. I had to go to the hospital, because I didn’t know what to do. He came to see me, and I begged him to stay. He left. I have no idea where he is. Now, everything is completely done. I went to stay with a friend. I woke up feeling worse. If I knew where he was, I would go there right now. It takes all my strength just not to try and find him. I want to just beg him to come back (pathetic, I know). I promised my friend not to email him, and so far I haven’t. I don’t know how to get through the day. I feel it’s all my fault (and I have done things I regret), and I would take him back in a heartbeat.</p>
<p>justout…you need to get into counseling to work out why you keep pursuing something that obviously isn’t healthy for you.
Other than that I feel your situation is more complex than anyone online can help with or that just promising a friend you won’t email will help.</p>
<p>Sorry for your problems. I hope everything worls out & you get your “happiness” back. Have to ask a few questions - Did you go to the hospital b/c you were injured? Is this an abusive relationship?</p>
<p>Take a few deep breaths - things usually improve after people have a chance to calm down.</p>
<p>But if you are being hurt physically, then it’s best definitely not to try to sustain the relationship.</p>
<p>Do whatever you need to do to get professional counseling from a licensed therapist who is experienced with working with people with relationship problems.</p>
<p>If you have experienced physical abuse in the relationship, call the national domestic violence hotline to get counseling: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)</p>
<p>Much as people here may wish to help you, a message board isn’t the place for you to get the assistance you need.</p>
<p>I’m so very sorry about all that has happened. It sounds as though you are feeling desperate in wanting him and also inadequate in wanting him when your better judgment says that you shouldn’t.</p>
<p>I too hope that you will find a licensed therapist to help you work through this most difficult time. </p>
<p>If you ever are feeling suicidal, or if you ever just need to talk, you can reach an accepting, nonjudgmental listener at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).</p>
<p>I couldn’t find the password for my old one, and I posted under this one later, and I was very anxious to write, so I didn’t take the time how to find the password.</p>
<p>To answer your questions, no there was nothing abusive going on. I just didn’t know where else to go, because everything was racing at a hundred miles an hour.</p>
<p>Justoutofcollege - I’m so sorry you are going through this. You truly do need to talk to someone who will listen and who you can really talk to. Every relationship has ups and downs, but frankly, if things were “meant to be” it shouldn’t be this hard. You are never stupid for following your heart. Emotions don’t make you stupid. You did what you needed to do by inviting him to come to you. You need to focus on making you the best <em>you</em> you can be (that’s a lot of yous in one sentence! haha). You have to be your own most important person and then people (maybe even including this guy) will see that you value yourself and that they need to value you more. I’m not an organized religion type of person, but I really do find that it helps to pray to some higher power. It’s easier to fall asleep when you can pray yourself to sleep. Everything will get better.</p>
<p>I’m really sorry that you are dealing with this. Please make an appointment as soon as possible with a licensed therapist so you can begin working through this. You will be happy again. Take action now to make that happen.</p>