Sometimes they have to work through it themselves a bit. It is such a shock that it does not seem real. I know my daughter just seemed numb at times - my husband and son would peer surreptitiously at her just not knowing what to do or say. I was a bit impatient with my son peering at her like she was a pinned insect then at her friends memorial service my big tall son wrapped his arms around his ‘little’ sister (she’s 5’8" but he is much taller) in a big bear hug and they stood and cried together for five minutes then he said he was getting snot in her hair and they laughed through their tears. It is a precious memory from a difficult time. </p>
<p>I am glad she is at school with others who knew him also. That is probably the best place for her right now. She will have some tough times ahead but she will survive. Keep a close eye on her, let her talk when she needs to talk and hold her tight when she needs to be held.</p>
<p>When one of the teens in our town committed suicide a month after hs graduation, there were naturally several kids in just the same place as your daughter.</p>
<p>One thing that helped some of them: his (young) coach was one of the people who spoke at the funeral. He spoke of some of the funny and special kinds of things Timmy used to do. And then he “pledged to do a ‘Timmy thing’ every day.” I think it helped a lot of the kids to focus on celebrating Timmy’s life by doing or saying something that he might have done as they went through those first horrible days, weeks and months.</p>
<p>oregonianmom,
my daughter went thr a similar experience at the beginning of senior yr. It was literally two days after my father was buried ( alzheimers )
Her boyfriend’s best friend that he grew up with since age 3 was killed in a single car accident…no alcohol, just speed,maybe a deer.
It happened about a mile from his home.
I got a call to pick up the kids from school…they were hysterical.</p>
<p>It was a rough ride, but time did heal the wounds a bit. Her boyfriend had a harder time and it still seems to hold him back from living his life to the fullest .They have since parted ways.
One of the saddest things to see was that the funeral home was across the street from the her bf’s house. So many students, and it was devastating to witness the grief of all of the kids.</p>
<p>oregonianmom, my deepest sympathy to you, your D, and this boy’s family and friends. Life is so cruel and unfair sometimes. I really feel for you trying to help your daughter through it. I really can’t add any advice, although I do think that after a few weeks, the opportunity to speak to a counselor/therapist might prove helpful.</p>
<p>More good thoughts headed your way o-mom. There’s really no words that you can say, but to just be there, and realize that it’s not going to be a gradual process for her…each day will probably be a bit easier than the day before it. But, realize there are going to be days that, for no explanable reason, that will be really tough… All you can really do is give her lots of hugs, and provide a listening ear…but also set up someone else she can talk to who is more removed from the situation. </p>
<p>Even reading this thread helps open some old wounds for me…they never completely heal.</p>
<p>My condolences as well. I agree with posters on grief counseling - however, sometimes grief counseling only happens shortly after the loss. At that time, the person may still be in shock, disbelief or still have many others around to mourn/grieve with. She may also feel to raw right now to discuss it. She may want it later after she feels that others have gotten over it, etc. I would suggest she have grief counseling available to her for at least a year. Also, I agree with citygirlsmom about finding laughter, etc. My D’s friend suffered a terrible loss and my D knew her friend had many, many people to grieve with but not as many to laugh with. My D really tried to spend time with her not grieving but helping her back into the routine of things and laughing with friends. There would be times that her friend would suddenly be hit with grief and my D of course realized that and would try to be friend through those times as well. I was very proud she also recognized at such an early age the importance of going on and finding fun and laughter in your life and to also not feel guilty about that. So please try to help your D find some friends/family and ways she can have fun. </p>
<p>When my son lost a friend and we would try to find some movies, etc. things to do that would take him away from the grieving for a while. I know for me that I found it restorative to try to find a break in grieving with him. And I agree there are losses in your life you just never get over. Accept that, grieve, but do try to find ways to also laugh.</p>