That will be easy when my MIL passes. Only one sibling wants anything. And the grands don’t want anything either. Items will be sold, donated, or tossed.
2 Likes
My dad made a spreadsheet, sent it to everyone, and asked people to choose what they wanted, and he settled any cases where more than one person wanted something. So now, we all have a spreadsheet with a general idea of who wants what – and what is not wanted at all.
As far as distributing household items, I have seen a system whereby siblings take turns. Sometimes based on age (eldest chooses first) and sometimes using a mechanism (dice roll) to establish the order of choosing.
I have heard of situations where that works well and situations where it most certainly does not.
That is my plan- eldest first and we take turns until no one wants anything- then donate, sell, or dispose of the rest. Not something I look forward to doing, but I like to have a plan. I can already see the chaos that is coming in my husbands family. Dad refuses to make a will and there’s always drama. We expect nothing and will stay as far away from that train wreck as possible.
This is how my sister and I (just two siblings) split my mother’s jewelry after her death. She went first - being the oldest. It was fair because there were only two really valuable pieces - my mother’s diamond engagement ring and my grandmother’s diamond engagement ring. Had there been only the one diamond it would have been a problem. My mother had refused to pass on anything of my grandmother’s to us, she kept it all for herself.
I have a friend whose mother died a few years ago, and the siblings are still squabbling over her possessions. Her sister can’t bear to have the jewelry collection separated, so nothing has been given to anybody, issues over what to possibly give to grandchildren, etc.
2 Likes
That’s the job of the Trustee or Personal Representative. I basically gave my sibs 30 days to make a claim for anything or everything. After that, I was gonna donate to the folks’ favorite charity or sell anything of value and split the proceeds.
The Solomonic deciosn will get their attention really fast. Split the jewelry [in half], sell it, and distribute the proceeds prorata… Otherwise, come to a decision in 30 days as the Trustee is saying pencil’s down.
OTOH, if that sister is Trustee, then she only has herself to blame for not doing her job effectively.
3 Likes
I think one of the siblings was the trustee. Nobody wants to sell and get the money for them, they want to enjoy wearing their mother, mother in law, or grandmother’s jewelry. I do think a diamond from a ring that had already been promised to a granddaughter is being used as an engagement ring (as we speak). But the other stuff is siting in a closet (and way more than 30 days has passed).
The distribution of stuff has already caused issues within the family. Two siblings are currently not on speaking terms, because an aunt promised a piece of furniture to her niece that was not hers to give away.
This thread has given me much to think about. It’s given me the impetus to pull out our trust and see what updates it needs. It was done way back when the kids would have needed guardians. Not a whole lot needs changing just some updates. We have an AB trust I think it’s called. I’m in Ca and almost everyone I know has a trust.
It’s also given me the impetus to speak with an older sibling who is divorced with no kids about her wishes and where everything is. I’m the closest location wise and she has some serious medical conditions.
Regarding probate. A friend had a situation where her FIL had made an investment in the early 60’s. He passed away many years ago and everyone assumed that everything passed on to his widow. Fast forward to a few years ago and she wants to sell it to pay for long term care. It’s realized that her husband never put the investment into their trust nor had her name on the investment. It ended up having to go through probate and took I think over a year to resolve itself so she could sell.
1 Like
a pour-over will can generally handle such a forgotten investment, but the brokerage house holding the asset may not accept such a clause in the Will.
1 Like
Stumbled across this NEW rule in NY. (About half of other states allow this.
New York’s New Transfer on Death Deed
New York now has a Transfer on Death deed, which goes into effect on July 19, 2024. Traditionally, if a client wants to avoid probate for their real estate, we must create a trust and transfer the deed into the name of the trust. A trust avoids…
It’s easier/cheaper (but more simplistic) than creating a Trust. I suppose it could be useful to avoid probate if only one intended heir for a house…. especially if the other assets have assigned beneficiaries.
The long article has this Conclusion -
“Despite its advantages, these deeds have certain limitations, and I would not recommend them in every situation. Transfer on Death deeds are a great tool for those who have simple estate plans, as a complement to a Will. When there are multiple beneficiaries (especially if one is living on the property), minors’ inheriting, , or the client has long term care considerations, you’ll need a more comprehensive solution than this deed provides. So, TOD deed I am happy to add you to my estate planning tool chest, but sometimes [you just can’t beat a trust]”
or, if multiple heirs, and they 1) just sell it and split the proceeds; or 2), if one wants to keep it, buys the other sibs out (and they sign a QuitClaim deed).
2 Likes
We are attending a seminar next week “Wills and Living Trusts” which is supposed to help in understanding Estate Planning. Said to help avoid most common costly mistakes. Two businesspeople and lawyer teamed up with a company that offers estate planning. Will verify what they say with other sources.
In the interim, I saw a public announcement newspaper listing that had a plaintiff having “a complaint for quiet title” of a specific property. Evidently an heir, with the couple probably not have a will. “To fictitious defendants A - Z being the heirs of XXX and YYY and being any and all persons and/or entities unknow to plaintiff and may claim an interest in the herein described real property…”
Definitely want to avoid probate - who wants public notice “in the estate…legal notice”. Since we plan to live another 8 - 10 years in this state, it is worth ‘peace of mind’ to figure this stuff out now.
1 Like
A friend was one of six siblings. When their last parent died, and they were emptying the house, they came up with a great plan.
Anything that a sibling gave the parents, that sibling had to take, and deal with. This could include giving it to another present sibling.
Then they took turns starting with the eldest.
Everything not taken was put in a room for donations. BUT, this will make you all chuckle. My friend had already taken all of the gift wrapping paper, ribbon and greeting cards from the attic where her mom stockpiled these things. Friend also was keeping a list. Whenever a sibling remarked that they really loved something but weren’t taking it, my friend put that item aside at the end of the day and labeled…and took back to her house.
They always had a family Christmas celebration in January. The first Christmas, there was a gift under the tree for each of her siblings. Everyone got a good laugh, and a couple of folks even were glad to have the things. They were all surprised! They were even MORE surprised when this happened the second Christmas as well.
Good memories all.
7 Likes
Be cautious with these. Some are genuinely useful. Some less so and may propose cookie-cutter wills/trusts that may not be a good fit for your situation. It’s worth finding out in advance whether trusts are common in your state or if probate is not particularly difficult so you can do a first-pass evaluation of the advice you hear.
The worst seminars will cover trusts but are primarily sales pitches for indexed annuities or whole-life policies. And they’ll be the seminars that are the most convincing. Often they gloss over the product, promising investments that go up when the market does but guaranteed against loss. Your mention they are “teamed up with a company that offers estate planning” makes me wonder if that’s what you’re attending.
Let me suggest a book: “Plan Your Estate” or “Every Californian’s Guide To Estate Planning” both by Nolo Press
2 Likes
My folks attended one of those – free lunch, I think. Their Trust was 90-pages of boiler plate, cranked out with a push of a button. Had to read thru it multiple times to confirm that some of chapters did coincide with the rest. (different terms, Survivor Trust referred to first to die, sections that were clearly not applicable, so it must’ve been a bad merge job with no proofreading) When the last parent died, I contacted the law firm that wrote the doc, and they could not explain it to me. I had to hire another attorney to give me a written opinion of their reading.
2 Likes
Most tax and legal things today are boiler plate. But should be customized boiler plate.
1 Like
Related to inheritance (but stretching the topic a little):
Does anyone have experience melting down old/broken/inherited gold jewelry?
I’m trying to decide what to do with a couple of meaningful pieces. I don’t want to just sell them for the gold value, but would like them melted and re-cast into something else.
If the items are not broken, do any of them lend themselves to having a jump ring added so that the item could be worn on a thin chain? Charms can be cut off a bracelet, with one charm distributed to each family member who in turn can have a jump ring added and then wear it on her own necklace.
The stones in a diamond wedding band can be used to create a necklace. People have been copying the Elsa Peretti Yards of Diamonds for years, at much lower prices than Tiffany’s charges.
A gold necklace could be wrapped around a wrist three times as a bracelet.
I don’t have any experience with having jewelry melted down, but have repurposed pieces as described above.
Editing to say, the bracelet portion of the charm bracelet can be worn on its own after the charms have been cut off. The old charms are beautiful, and would cost a fortune today.
3 Likes
It depends on the insurance company. My father died on a Sunday. Monday was a bank holiday. In the next day or so we started going through papers, and I think we found 2-3 insurance policies right away. I remember calling Mutual of Omaha, and I think it was for $10k, but there was some different amount owed. They sent a check for part of it immediately and I think my mother had the check within a week. They did require we send the death certificate before they could release the rest. Really they were great.
I believe the other 2 required the death certificate before they paid. The death certificate took a while, like maybe 2 weeks. His pension also required a certificate before making the final payment.
There was also a place to search for insurance policies that might be out there for which we had no policies. His name did come up on some but I think they were expired.
One that gave me some grief was the credit union. He had an AD&D policy that he’d paid extra for and they didn’t want to pay. It was for like $700 and they said he didn’t die of an accident. Well, he fell and broke his neck and I don’t think he did that on purpose! It took me a long letter with the death certificate that listed one of the causes of death as a fall to get that. Really Mutual of Omaha was great to work with.
3 Likes
My mom did this decades ago and chose an opal from one piece for the stone. It was quite stunning as the gold was almost like sculpture - much more than in a typical setting, and quite modern.