I know several Ivy grads who are as lost as anyone about what to do with their lives, working unsatisfactory jobs in the interim. I would also say that all the prestige-chasing and focus on future admissions poisons the high school experience, resulting, in some cases, in the mental health challenges referenced above.
I would emphasize with parents and kids alike that the point is the experience on a campus, not getting in. I have actually read that some Harvard students get depressed in freshman year because their lives have been so geared to âgetting inâ that they never learned to live in the present. Of course, some solve that by going on to the next prestige-driven goal for the future.
I was going to recommend the book "Excellent Sheep ". It describes a version of what @compmom describes (written by a Yale prof.) It could be helpful for those who see college acceptances as a âprizeâ to focus more on the experience - both of being in high school and of the one they want for the next 4 years.
I donât think you can easily cure individuals of their Ivy-obsession if their communities are obsessed. Itâs really tough for some people to see the expression on their friendsâ or family membersâ faces when they hear that one/oneâs allegedly bright child is attending an âunimpressive school.â My older kids went to top schools because they could and those were the places that offered the experience they wanted. My youngest is excellent in her own way, but not as strong of a student. She will be attending a good LAC that, hopefully, is just right for her needs. (If it matters for context, she turned down athletic recruitment from two higher ranked colleges because their environment didnât feel appropriate for D.)
So, while WE are satisfied with her college decision, that doesnât mean itâs easy to endure the âblahâ or dismayed response we get when we say what college sheâs attending. If you live in a community that knows one college from the next, I can understand why youâd want to spare your children and yourself those reactions if you can. They donât endure a life time, but they do last about 5 years per kid. That can feel very long. College admissions is a public outside assessment of a studentâs achievement that, while flawed, is still harder to game than results in the local sphere. Locally, mom being PTA President, dad being head of the townâs soccer club, or the child being physically attractive etc. can garner some undeserved favor for kids. People instinctively know that, so college can take on some meaning it shouldnât, e.g. as a measuring stick of successful parenting and of the childâs accomplishments over 18 years. Thatâs why people care. It feels to them like a report card that everyone sees. You can tell them they shouldnât care what others think all you want to, but your admonition wonât change the social reality of the world they live in every day.
âOne other way to get these parents to think about all of this differently is to ask them what they think becomes of the highly talented students who do NOT get accepted to the top 5-10 colleges?? Do they really think these students go away quietly into the night? No, of course, not! Theyâve all attended somewhere else and have brought their incredible talents to that other place!â
EXACTLY this. Same goes for all those PhDs scrambling for hard-to-find academic positions. Theyâve got to land somewhereâŠ