I am helping a family in a rural area. 3 kids, mom and step dad. No drugs or abuse, but generational poverty.
I don’t know them personally, but I have pictures of these precious kids. The local church is housing them right now. The girl told the teacher not to make her a name tag at the beginning of the year because they didn’t stay anywhere that long.
The teacher is my friend. A bunch of us sent money to the teacher who set up a closet at the school with clothes, toiletries, etc and bought this family groceries, gas cards and got the kids clothes. We even got them Halloween costumes. I could cry seeing the smile on the faces of them in their princess costumes.
The local church is helping them with housing.
I know buying them stuff is not the answer, and everything I do is for the kids. I want them to see there is life outside their community and hope for the future.
How do you help end the cycle for these kids?
There is not a lot of opportunity in this area. I am getting them Christmas, I could shower them but I’m trying to stick to something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read.
If you could intervene and help them to help themselves, what would you do?
Write them letters, especially the kids, and encourage them to write back to you because sharpening their writing and reading skills will be the best gift you could ever give them. Maybe send each kid some pretty paper and envelopes, a nice pen or markers and some stamps.
You can spend an hour or two a week reading with/to the kids. Meet them in the library or during the school day or after school depending upon school rules. Support their learning and those kids will be on their way. Of course, make sure the parents approve.
It’s girl 8, boy 6, girl 4. Mom has a ged, dad does not.
I like the idea of writing letters! I’ll put in a letter with Christmas gifts with stationery and stamps. And books.
I know if even if I bought them a house and car and fully stocked pantry it wouldn’t fix the mindset. I’d like to support seeing them learn to fish so to speak. I know education and honestly not becoming a teen parent is critical. But they are too little yet for that but the seeds can be sewn now.
Agree with writing letters. Buying them let ts of cute cards that they can use for folks in their lives and and a bunch of pretty and interesting forever stamps is a great thing. Read with them regularly–different genres is a real gift to, especially inspirational stories (different folks who have turned challenges into opportunities).
Maybe together you can research what is depicted in the stamps so they can see that history is interesting and tied to today. There are lots of cute and fascinating forever stamps available
There are some kits at Costco and elsewhere that have science experiments, microscopes, construction or other cool things. I got them for our kids and nephew but you have to agree to be there to help with it or it will just gather dust.
I like the idea of reading and writing letters (or you could also work with them to write stories-kids have such great imaginations!). When you read to them, make sure you include culturally relevant books if they are from another culture or ethnicity. Even little kids get tired of seeing people in books who are nothing like them. Books about kids who grew up in hard times and made good-both fiction and non-fiction-would be nice.
Make sure you meet the parents where they are in life. Don’t keep trying to “improve” them. Offer help but don’t judge. Around here there are many free programs at various community centers. There’s a cooking on a low-income budget one, for example. There are computer skills classes, budgeting classes, even cheap or free exercise ones. See if you have things like this in your area and offer to drive them, or watch the kids while they attend. Even a basic word processing class could help one of them get a better job.
Don’t make it all about “moving up”. Include some fun. These kids have probably never been to the zoo, or a museum, or a cultural event. Take them to age appropriate things like that. Don’t include any “lesson”. Just expose them to what is out there. They’ll ask lots of questions-answer them. Talk about how people get the jobs they see happening in these places. But above all, just let them have fun.
The church where I work supports two such families, which are also recent immigrants. The kids ARE moving beyond their parents’ limitations. We just dropped the first of the kids off at college. Many of the teens and young adults have jobs. They’ve found support for their sports interests and other activities. It’s great seeing them all bloom.
Could the church that houses this family also start an after school club for all area kids and make sure these kids are included? Tutoring, reading, crafts, socialization, snacks, all sorts of things could be included. My dad is a retired high school principal/math teacher and takes part in this sort of club at his church. It is a benefit to both the kids and adults.
sseamom has great advice–expose the kids to things/experiences that are out there.
I listened to a podcast interview of a prominent radio host years ago that really stuck with me. He said he had a really poor family life (at times home was the family car). He had a good childhood friend though whose family welcomed him in despite his circumstances and it made a huge difference in his life. He said just eating dinner around a table with conversation (they were all about the future and college) and looking at their vacation photos (people have vacations? People ski?) helped him realize there was more to life than he could have imagined otherwise. He said just knowing there was life outside of what he was living was a jump start to his own success.
I don’t think you can “save” anybody unless they ask for help. You can try but you’re right–giving just money won’t save anybody. There are some financial gurus who could help maybe but they need to buy in to the “get out of debt and fix life” goal–and you can’t do that for them.
But with kids? – exposing them to a world outside of what they may be accustomed to may do wonders.
I would help them form happy memories of their childhood. Things like the Halloween costumes that you provided. Make sure they have a birthday cake and a present to open on their birthdays, a Christmas tree, tickets to an occasional movie and pizza outing or a trip to the beach or water park.
You could also attempt to expose them to things in their community - make sure they have a library card and a way to get there once a month, maybe take them to the local high school play or the closest museum or community center.
I just thought of something looking at our church’s FB photos. Take them to the nearest lake or river or beach. There’s a good chance that isn’t something they’ve done. Even if it’s not swimming weather. The kids are just grinning from ear to ear-doing cartwheels, wading in the water. They had a similar reaction to the yearly church camping trip. These are not little things to kids who have so little.
nice of you.
one of my favorite books is “what is the what” by dave eggers. It’s basically the story of the lost boys of sudan; and ultimately how they assimilated into the US. one of the ideas mentioned in the book was what you mentioned: how they were showered with things, but people didnt stay in their lives. I think that letting the kids know you can help mentor them, talk to them, spend time with them etc. is good. lots of good ideas above. Cultural poverty is hard to break. so my thoughts: physical items they need; one fun item to use outdoors or such (scooter, ripstik, trike, bike, etc) and your time teaching them about normal things like mentioned above.
I live in a different part of the country. The teacher is a saint and promises to keep watch over them.
Since they’re so young I thought a letter telling them about us and where we live with our 3 cats could be a start. They know about me and my group who have been supporting them. Mrs M…why do they care about me?
I get I can’t fix this. Maybe it even rubs off on the parents who from all accounts love their kids but are so young and not well equipped to move beyond the day to day struggles.
I don’t want to lecture or pity, just offer a glimpse of something else out there.
I agree with helping the parents get jobs. Dad may need to get his GED or some kind of trade-training. If he can’t/won’t, then his options will be limited to fast food like jobs. But at least that is something.
Once both parents are working, even with lowish wage jobs, combined may be enough to keep them in ONE place.
Staying in ONE place with jobs is the first step to breaking the cycle.
I think that letter writing is a very personal way to connect with this family. You can tell (or make up) stories about adventures your cats have, or occasionally write a letter as if it is one of your cats writing it. Over time, the parents may come to see the value of your kindness, and the kids would probably be thrilled to open the mailbox and find a letter from you every so often.
Describing a different part of the country would be a way to begin expanding their idea of the world. Right now, their world is tiny and dismal. You can have a small part in opening up their eyes and allowing them to dream about traveling to other places.
I would say the most important influence you could have is with consistent contact. Through the years, a constant encouraging voice can engage them in the joy of reading and learning. And a kid who can read and is excited about learning can hope to achieve their dreams.
Think about this from the parents’ pov for a second – a friend of the teacher, who your kids have never met, starts writing them letters and asking them to write back. Or they want to take the kids to a concert or museum not in town. They want to give them gifts, or babysit, or take you to a class. …
So. Perhaps the most effective behavior is to go through the sponsor church. Families that move a lot almost always are following housing or a job. Financial stability helps. Help pay their bills. Talk to the chuch about helping defray the housing costs – the longer they stay, the better.
Give the children things they can take with them when they go – books, paper, pencils, solid winter coats. Good quality, not something that says “good enough for you”. Everything that helps them blend in. Gas cards, groceries. Food for Christmas break, when the kids aren’t in school. Whatever they don’t have to buy frees up money for life.
I’d certainly never want to be some sketchy stranger. Teacher and mom are in close contact and teacher has also helped facilitate assistance with church. Teacher liked the idea of notes, I don’t send it to the parents directly, it goes to the teacher she then delivers. If I sent a note with stationery and stamps and mom isn’t comfortable she’s welcome to toss the note out and use the stamps. I’m sending some stuff for Christmas, what kid doesn’t want to see a toy under the tree and I have heard the parent is very appreciative. I donate every year to something, whether it’s the angel tree, toys for tots, shoeboxes, etc…it’s just more directly donated this year. This place is probably not on anyone’s radar for a big outreach, that tends to go to the larger population areas.
Yes, I am thinking that if the parents had any problem with any of this the teacher or the church would let OP know. I am sure they are happy for some assistance.
