Helping soon to be college graduate

Parent Cafe
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<p>I need someone to talk me off the ledge. My D is a soon to be college graduate who does not have a job yet. She is panicking, I am panicking and it’s not going well.</p>

<p>Her options right now. She had a second interview with a company in the town she lives in, would be great if she got it. Definitely her first choice. </p>

<p>She talked to the person who employed her last summer, he said that he would hire her absolutely but no openings in his department right now. He does have an opening she thinks for a summer intern and would be willing to hire her. Could lead to a permanent position but no guarantee.</p>

<p>She is being flown to an interview in 3 weeks. Big company, trainee program. Big problem, it’s far away from where she goes to school. In a rural area but company has plants all over the country. 18 month rotational program.</p>

<p>Ok, this is where I am melting down. Next option, is a technical sales job. Does not pay well, in a suburb of a major Mideastern city. Has a second interview tomorrow.</p>

<p>She will be terrible at sales. I don’t feel that this is a option at all. I tried to ask her about this position, is it cold calling, an established clinic base, has she looked at what it would cost to live near a major city. She won’t hear any of this. I’m not supporting her. She even hates doing presentations at school, is so terrible at public speaking.</p>

<p>She does not want the job in the rural area. Mostly because she doesn’t want to leave her boyfriend. I can understand this but it’s a really good job. She would make enough money that she could fly to see him once a month. But of course her boyfriend and she won’t even talk about what would happen if she gets a job far away. Because of this she wants to find something close to him so they don’t have to talk about it. </p>

<p>I am tearing my hair out. First of all, there is no way she should even be thinking of the sales job. It’s so wrong on so many levels, pay, job, cost of living. </p>

<p>I know she wants to have a job before she leaves school and so do I. But really, accepting a job you would be really bad at for less money is crazy. </p>

<p>BTW, major, Mechanical Engineering, GPA over 3.0. Lots of first interviews, not too many second interviews. This is where she is panicking.</p>

<p>I don’t know that anyone has any advice for me except to butt out. Just thanks for letting me vent.</p>

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<p>She’ll figure it out. We all have to make our own way in life. You’ll be okay too :)</p>

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<p>First - you need to get your mind around the fact that this is her issue - not yours (unless she moves back home and gives up). It’s up to her to decide what to do weighing all of the factors. It sounds as if she likely has a fairly analytical mind since she has an engineering degree so she’ll figure it out. </p>

<p>If she has lots of first interviews but not many second ones she needs to try to understand what the issue is. She may need to practice her interviewing skills in front of someone who’s experienced interviewing people and who can be honest with her. Some engineers in particular can be excessively shy and reserved and totally blow interviews. </p>

<p>I once interviewed a new grad with a CS degree and she wouldn’t look me in the eyes, never smiled, answered questions mostly in monosyllables in a quiet voice I could barely hear and didn’t ask any questions. At that point I no longer cared about where she attained her degree, what her GPA was, or anything else - there was no way I’d hire her simply because of her lack of reasonable social skills. I’m not saying your D is like this - just an example.</p>

<p>It sounds as if your D is a bright person who s/b able to figure out what her best options are and whether she should work on improving her interviewing skills if she decides they’re lacking.</p>

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<p>Let go, it’s time. She needs to go out in the world on her own two feet. She may need to make mistakes to learn. If the bf is a priority for her so be it. This is her life. I know it’s hard, I’ve been there, but I stood back and watched my DD become the person she wants to be.</p>

5

<p>I am in the same boat with my D. Without the engineering degree and the assorted job opportunities!
My line," anyone can do anything for 2 years"’ so be willing to try anything that seems reasonable. The more I worry though…the more I realize you cannot mess things up too much when you are 22! I need to lighten up!
She sounds smart…like mine…and I know she will figure it out. But I do agree it is her life, so just be a good sounding board.</p>

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<p>I’d agree on improving the interviewing skills - but her career center should be able to help her out there.</p>

<p>We had someone join our group several years ago. He was one of those kids that graduates from MIT at 19 or 20. He had zero personality and couldn’t pick up on social cues. He gave one-syllable answers and generally couldn’t engage in a conversation. We tried to integrate him into the group. He eventually left the group - I don’t know where he went. People without social skills can get hired but they better be really good at something. BTW, this has no relation to the OP.</p>

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<p>How is she suppose to figure it out without any real life experience. Has she ever had a real job? How many jobs have we had? I wish my parents knew better and were able to guide me more. At the end, I did fine, but it could have been easier.</p>

<p>Trainees coming out of big company´s training program are highly sought after by smaller companies that can´t afford those training programs. There are not that many companies that could afford or willing to spend money on training programs. One good job leads to another good job. Staying out for too long with no job, she will become stale by the time next class graduates.</p>

<p>Sales is hard, if you do not have the personality for it. It is doubly hard if you are relying on the commission. </p>

<p>If OP is correct in describing her D´s situation situation, D is not thinking clearly about her career, she is more worried about her BF.</p>

<p>At the end of day, it is the D´s life, but if it was my kid, I would break it down very clearly for her.</p>

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<p>Thank you everyone, I appreciate your well thought out advice and for giving me perspective on this.</p>

<p>Oldfort, thank you so much for your perspective and advice. It’s exactly what I’ve been thinking. I really think she isn’t thinking clearly. Her father and I have been explaining that 18 months is not forever, that she can rethink this after her training period. </p>

<p>On one hand I know at the end of the day, I cannot force her to do something she doesn’t want to but her father and I can set out the details of each opportunity. If she is able to get the job in the rural area, I know that she will give it a hard look. She knows she didn’t go to school and study and work hard to throw it away on a relationship. If it’s meant to be, it will thrive. I just know she’s scared right now.</p>

<p>She knows she is not interviewing well. Some of it is appearance. She is a very small person with a high voice. We bought a nice professional suit but honestly she probably still looks really young. Not much can be done about something you can only change so much. </p>

<p>I talked to her the other day about mock interviews. She said that they were conducted by peers and she wasn’t sure how effective they were. We can talk about it again. I hope that she is making eye contact and she does seem to pick up social cues.</p>

<p>Even though the economy is getting better, a lot of kids are looking for jobs and so many of them are qualified. She is not the only one of her friends in the same predicament.</p>

<p>It’s just frustrating and there is only so much I can do. So I’m posting here instead of driving her and my H crazy even more than usual.</p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

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<p>My oldest had a work study job in college. The summer after graduation she just continued that job. It might have even gone on the next fall qtr. ( didn’t have anything to do with her major but it did lead to her next job)</p>

<p>I think your daughters intern summer position sounds good & she can ramp up her networking skills at a place she already is known.</p>

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<p>My D graduated last May without a job prospect in sight. She was a magna cum laude grad of a top 20 school, but she didn’t even have an interview before graduation. She had one the week after she graduated, but the job went to someone with five years of experience. She did not want to come home, so she stayed in Nashville (9 hours from our home), got a job at Starbucks, and worked 40 hours a week. She sent out resumes, went to some meet-and-greets with employers at her college, had a couple interviews that didn’t go anywhere, and worried like crazy. She managed to support herself on her minimum wage pay … rent, utilities, car insurance, renter’s insurance, food … she didn’t have money to waste, but she had low-cost fun with her coworkers. She was embarrassed beyond belief that she was working as a barrista. She wouldn’t even see her friends when she was home at Christmas. She was recently called for an interview at the company she really, really liked (she had an intial interview there last fall). Several weeks later, she went to the interview and was offered a job that day … for a lot more than I make.</p>

<p>Let your D figure it out. Trust that she will be able to handle it.</p>

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<p>My S2 graduates in May but has to complete a summer internship to receive his diploma.
So far, no internship in hand which means no diploma forthcoming. We are about to go nuts.
DH has said he won’t attend the May graduation ceremony if S doesn’t have an internship by then. Pressure is rising daily.</p>

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<p>What i don’t see mentioned in any reply is family contacts…As a parent,if my college grad was in the position as OP,i’d be opening doors by using contacts we have in various industries,it wouldn’t be a guaranteed job, but at least some possibilities…</p>

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<p>Deb922, this part of your last response caught my eye. My 22-year-old D also looks very young for her age; honestly, the last time she tried to buy a drink, the waiter thought she was only 14. Anyway, to compensate for her apparent youth and inexperience, my D aggressively over-prepared for every interview: she thoroughly researched every potential employer, reached out to any possible contact she knew at that employer, and wrote up 2 to 3 really thoughtful questions to ask of her interviewer. Her reasoning was that she couldn’t do anything about her looks, but she could showcase her brain. In addition, she tried to hit all those non-verbal cues - the firm handshake, the eye contact, etc.</p>

<p>I’m not saying that your D didn’t do the same things. I’m just saying that I sympathize with the “she-looks-so-young” problem. It’s hard to overcome - even with the right clothes and the college degree!</p>

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<p>Kelsmom, I love this story! It reminds me of my own mother. She told me that she applied for a job and they let her know that her resume would be kept on file. She thought it would be “filed” in the trash. PS, a year later they called her and hired her right away! She worked for this employer for years.</p>

<p>Packmom, has your son tried to get an internship with some nonprofit organizations as well? My son told me that a lot of students at his school get their internships at nonprofit organizations. Also, he could even try to get an internship working at his college. Also, does he check with his career center? My own son looked for months and saw nothing listed that would work for him. All of a sudden in one week he found 5 listings (recently btw) and he applied to them. He found an internship. Once the 5 lsitings were posted, the interview and hiring was very fast. I think it took him less than a week. This internship is NOT paid, but for credit that he is also required to have in order to graduate. He is currently finishing his sophomore year.</p>

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<p>Thanks to everyone who has replied. It is very helpful. We will muddle through this. I thought waiting for college acceptances was hard, it seems like cake now. At least then she had a place to go to if she wasn’t accepted to her #1 choice. I think all phases of life have their challenges and we will get through this one. </p>

<p>She’s doing what she can, applying and working at getting a job. Thanks scout59, I will remind her to over prepare. I think she is doing what she can, it’s hard, she has a lot going on. </p>

<p>qdopga, just an aside. We are telling all of our social contacts that she is graduating and looking for a job. That can be successful, it helped the kids get a couple of summer jobs. My H can not use any of his professional contacts. He did have a lead for a summer position in the past but his company told him that he couldn’t do business with that firm if they hired his D. So not an option.</p>

<p>PackMom, I feel so bad for your situation. What a terrible situation to be in.</p>

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<p>Hi deb922. My H owns his own company in the mechanical engineering field and employs several sales people. So I hear a lot about this area and about the engineers he deals with in the field.</p>

<p>Female engineers are often in demand because large companies try for more diversity. but it’s a very male-dominated field so since your D looks so young, she is at a disadvantage there. My H often comments about young engineers (both male and female) lacking practical experience, so whatever your D can do to gain more experience on her resume will help her. (And not sales, you are right there.)</p>

<p>If she has her degree in mechanical engineering, she is going to have a good career. Even if her first job or two aren’t what you’d like. She just needs a few more years to look a little older.</p>

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<p>deb922, last fall my just-graduated d turned down what would have been a very good job for reasons that seemed (to her) good at the time. She did this without consulting her parents, we only found out after the fact. In the months that followed, she wasn’t offered anything nearly as good. Clearly, it was a mistake to turn down the job, and I think she knows this. But you know what? Her dad and I never once have brought it up, and continued to cheer her on, sending modest checks now and then to help with the rent. We figured she knows it was a mistake. It was a major life lesson. But because we never criticized her decision, she felt comfortable coming to us with subsequent decisions. In a way, it drew us closer. She’s now doing fine in the job market, applied to grad schools, is keeping her options open for the future. I’ve taken to look at her experience as falling off a bike. My job as her mom was to support her to get back on, just like I did when she was 4. </p>

<p>We all make mistakes. We all make decisions we later regret. If your daughter blows this one - for whatever reason - continue to be supportive. Continue to build trust. She’ll eventually figure it out. She’ll be grateful for you being there. And without doubt, soon she’ll be riding that bike with confidence.</p>

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<p>I think today, her job needs to be to finish school and get the degree.</p>

<p>I know many people who have blown the last term of college and then it takes 1-2 more years to finish and it is really hard. </p>

<p>She’ll have 30 years to fret about work, but only 6 weeks to fret about being a student.</p>

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<p>D1, 2008 graduate, didn’t have a job lined up at college graduation…within a month, she was in a 1 year training program at a company and has been with the same company for 4 years. </p>

<p>Now she is planning to quit her job at the end of May, travel and do humanitarian work all summer, and start to look for a new job in a new location come August.</p>

<p>Sigh…but things will work out…</p>

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<p>At least yours is trying. I have a very shy soon to be graduate with an Ivy engineering degree who just seems to send resumes out into cyberspace. Doesn’t listen when I tell her that she then needs to research and find a contact in HR and follow up on the resume. “That’s not how it’s done” Refuses to go to her career center, says it’s useless, that no good companies come. Two phone interviews, nothing more. Moving back home in May and doing what about this I do not know. And sadly we have no contacts in her field. I am at a loss.</p>