<p>DD is 17, recently graduated from H.S., is headed to college this fall and is serving as a camp counselor this summer at a weekly sleep away camp (campers come for a week at a time). She is emotionally drained from the real life stories shared by the young campers. </p>
<p>The campers, being a safe place, get comfortable with their counselors then talk to them. Soooo many stories of abuse - sexual and physical. Older sisters enduring sexual abuse from their dads to protect their younger female siblings - claiming their Mom knows. Kids talking about getting beaten by their parents. Counselors later confiding - to the other counselors (not to the campers) that they were victims of abuse as well. All is being reported to the proper authorities, but week after week after week, these stories come out. DD has a break and is home tonight. Very very very sad is she. How in the world do you help your 17 year old cope with these awful life realities? I’m in shock too, as I can’t comprehend such awfulness, and that it is obviously happening so much.</p>
<p>Is this a camp for underprivileged children? I ask because my D has been a CIT and counselor at several camps and has never heard these sorts of tales.</p>
<p>yeah just wondering because why are there so many kids with these problems? I’ve been to numerous sleepaway camps and this has never happened. And shes 17, I’m sure she can cope with them herself, or learn how to cope with them</p>
<p>It does sound very draining. Having that burden to receive all of those stores is a lot. It is good that the kids feel they can trust her.</p>
<p>Having worked in an environment that was full of sad life stories, I discovered that it is critical to find ways to have fun outside of that environment. There is lots of bad stuff and sadness in the world, but it is essential to find something that gives you enjoyment, that will be uplifting to you. </p>
<p>It is OK to be available for those that have had difficulties and OK to enjoy life as well.</p>
<p>@crizello, that helps. It is good advice on how to guide DD through this harsh heartbreaking transition to adulthood. This camp inter-mixes underprivileged kids with kids of normal or higher economics. Lets kids of a certain lower economic or socio status come free - so it has lots of foster kids, for example; has a free week just for kids of parents who are currently serving our country. Is a basic bare bones nature, canoeing, archery kind of camp, no A/C (…think recent 106 degree heat), no frills. Cost is under $500/week for everything.</p>
<p>I was thinking that this may have been the first time these kids have actually shared their stories - after all, they are taught to tell a trusted person, like a teacher or camp counselor. </p>
<p>In addition to the camp stuff, DD learned a guy from her high school died last night in a car wreck, others are in critical condition, and less importantly, her AP scores, did not not all pan as she had hoped. </p>
<p>I would call the camp administration and ask for guidance. Surely they have some support ideas…</p>
<p>And hugs seem like a good idea…for everything. Dealing with abuse issues, death/injury in a car accident and disappointing test results all at the same time seems like over load to me. I hope good things come her way quickly.</p>
<p>My condolances to those involved in the car accident. How horrible.</p>
<p>You can try having her contact local domestic violence, sexual assault, or children’s protective services and inquiring about training. I’m a crisis line operator for sexual assault and DV so I’m required to do a lot of training on how to cope with these things- all of our training sessions are open to the public but the public rarely comes. Worth a shot. </p>
<p>The best coping method I’ve developed is just learning to let it go when you go outside of x area. It took a LOT of practice but I’m now at the point where when I get in my car, 95% of the things instantly dissolve. I played my role and worrying will do NOTHING but bring down my defenses for the next person who needs help.</p>
<p>I personally wouldn’t let my kid go back. It is too much for an untrained 17 year old to deal with it. Even mature social workers get burned out. How do you teach a 17 year old to cope with all of those problems? I don’t think your daughter signed up for that. If I thought my kid was going to have to deal with that, I would have made sure she had proper training and be mentally ready for it.</p>
<p>I would think that some social service agency should be involved if foster kids, etc. are being placed. The counselors should have been prepped for this by their supervisors.</p>
<p>My son is interning for the state in group homes for the mentally disabled, and he received training before he started and has the support of experienced professionals .</p>
<p>I too would question whether my child should be in such a job without any of these supports, and would bring this to the attention of the organization running the camp.</p>
<p>Couple things. All the residential camps I know require counselors to be adults/18 for legal reasons. Is having a 17yrold as a counselor unusual at this camp? My kids were residential counselors/riding staff, when they turned 18, before then they were “in training” and not official staff. I also seem to remember that training every year were full day sessions that ran a week or two.
My youngest was deemed to be able to handle some of the most challenging kids- middle school, some with special needs who had been taken off their meds by their parents for the summer. One of her last sessions, she was taking a break, and she instructed the person in charge to absolutely not let two kids be next to each other as they had a history. As soon as she left for the restroom, one girl stabbed the other in the eye with a fork. :eek:</p>
<p>Allowing for some children to actually be able to let down their guard and tell an inexperienced counselor about abusive situations, I would be much more skeptical.
Kids like to push others buttons, it’s cheap, easy & fun.
If they are so descriptive with someone that they barely know, how is it that they have never told anyone else?
I would agree that obviously foster kids have been in more desperate situations than other children, but otherwise, socio-economic indicators don’t really dictate your parenting skills.</p>
<p>My D at 23 doing a teaching practicum at an inner city school came home daily with extremely sad stories of the children’s lives and in tears often as a result. Having grown up in safe and fortunate circumstances it was a big shock to her. It is life I know…all I could tell her was “look at what a difference you are making in their lives and by becoming a teacher you will light up a lot of children’s lives”. Any positive interactions these kids have in their lives makes an immeasurable difference so your D has a chance to be one of these positives. As long as the camp has regulations as to what to report to whom, your D should focus on the good she can do. Lots of hugs to your D…it is devastating when they see how cruel the world can be.</p>
<p>My oldest spent her CityYear working in a school that was the assigned building for homeless students. She had several sad stories, like when two kids were going to leave the district to live with their aunt while their mother went into treatment. ( they had been living in a shelter). However, the mother resumed using drugs and so had to leave the shelter, & she & the kids had been living underneath a bridge, with the mom selling their medication to get illegal drugs for herself.</p>
<p>You learn to focus on little things. Being grateful that for this week, the kids will get fed. That they are learning to read, that they are learning skills they will need in the world.
It may help to write five positive things that happen each day, or five appreciations, to help her focus on the positive difference one person can make and to not beat herself up because she isn’t doing more.</p>
<p>emeraldkity, sometimes it is the different setting that can spark a lot of this. I remember that when I was 15 I opened up about my own abuse for the first time at a leadership camp for community service-oriented teens. It was a place that stressed making positive life changes and finding individual strength, etc. Unfortunately, mandatory reporting was not the law of the land so the only person who felt better about anything was me. There is something about that feeling of independence and intense bonding with strangers that can bring out those kinds of stories. </p>
<p>Also, I find it hard to swallow that everyone is assuming that all the stories are coming from the lower-class kids. After years of volunteering with abuse victims, those demographics don’t match what I have seen. Abuse crosses all economic boundaries and edcuation levels.</p>
<p>I agree that the OP D should look at the positive effect she is having and see if a local agency can provide better training, support resources.</p>
<p>My daughter worked at a camp like this. She was very overwhelmed by the stories and totally unprepared on how to legally, emotionally, socially and mentally help the kids.</p>
<p>She expected her camp work to be safety, crafts, hikes, organizing, and the usual. Sheloved the kids, but in turned out there were more serious issues like fighting, one girl ended up in the hospital.</p>
<p>The employees really tried but were just not trained, and often the one trained counselor didn’t show, as she had to work a couple of camps.</p>
<p>Imlove the idea of these camps, but you need the staff</p>
<p>My daughter went to the same campmyers earlier with similar breakdown of camp goers, but the staff was more better trained</p>
<p>Agree with the comments that she should be given some training on how to deal with this, otherwise there can be several outcomes (1) she gives improper advise, and/or (2) she internalize this and it affects her well-being. I would recommend she voice her concerns of lack of training to deal with these matters to her supervisor. If this doesn’t get anywhere, I would suggest the OP as a parent get in touch with the organization running the camp to voice concerns on her D’s mental well being.</p>
<p>What my daughter was concerned with was what does she do with the information? Who does she report the rape of a ten year old girl to? Not doing anything but listening just didn’t seem enough, and the camp leaders weren’t trained in how to handle such specifics.</p>
<p>I contacted the program running the camp, cyo, and it turns outnthe whole program was in major transition and the actual workers meant well and really tried, just the knew mangers were skimpy in their staffing. </p>
<p>I heard the next year it was much better, and there were counselors for the campers to talk with, and for the staff to disc cuss major concerns. </p>
<p>Like I said, in my daughters time there, it was just much better managed and more between counselors, when my daughter was working there almost all camp staff were fairly new to the field, and had just physical safety training, and little to no training in emotional issues beyond homesickness</p>