We can and do help our son with many expenses. He has a good job and moved out last summer, but he is on our cell phone plan and health insurance. We also load him up with groceries on occasion or help him out in other ways when he needs things. He doesn’t ask, but he does appreciate what we do. If he had health expenses we would help. Now, if he was wasting money on things I might feel a little tough love was in order (but not on a health related issue) Otherwise, what the heck, I can give it to him now, or he can inherit it later. I may as well make sure he gets a solid start in life.
Time for a second opinion. Maybe the dentist has a car payment due.
While I would not want to undermine the independence of a kid able to pay comfortably or do the math for them, there have been times when we have offered to help kids just starting out with medical costs. When our mid-twenties kid needed a biopsy recently and insurance plan deductible hadn’t been reached yet, we paid for it because we could do it more comfortably, there are zero money management concerns, and we wanted to at least take the financial sting out of the stressful situation.
We have also helped with an insurance plan for one kid who had to wait for employer insurance eligibilty. From a fiscal, as well as parental concern perspectives, we saw having uninsured young adult family members as a huge potential liability, so we have all worked together to avoid that.
If you need a root canal, you need a root canal. What life lesson is learned if you can’t pay for it…how to tolerate significant pain?
@thumper1- that and how much more than expensive dental work gets if you postpone it.
I know that there are lots of ways to look at this. Some kids need firm lines drawn, some families can’t help or believe it is better not to do so. There is not one right way. Around here we are grateful for the option of considering helping or just giving, as the kids are working hard and have broken into fields that have value, but are not necessarily high paying relative to the cost of living in their cities. If the kids were always asking, it would be different.
OP here…@thumper we’re not talking about the work (not a root canal, btw) being done , or not, riding on our contribution. My question was more deciding where the line is between “he can’t pay for it easily” and “he can pay for it but it doesn’t like the idea”. Of course if he simply didn’t have the money at all, we’d foot the bill and he knows that. He is generally very responsible with money, but like a lot of millenials he doesn’t always see the connection between the little optional expenses of life and slow accrual of savings. I want him to eventually see that you have to save money where and how and when you can, whether you like cooking and eat leftovers or not. But I’m not sure a medical expense is a teachable moment …
He should ask the dental provider if they will take payments in installments. Many will and they may do it interest free.
Please don’t think I’m some sort of terrible parent who would let their child suffer terrible physical or financial pain.Not at all! D is a saver and can afford this. This is more of a lesson about breaking into your piggy bank before you wanted to.
Yes, I’d pay it. However, finding a dentist that will just direct bill the amount the insurance won’t pay is easy. That’s wnat mine does. His staff calls the insurance, gets the amount that will get paid by insurance and asks for the remainder. If his credit is decent, see if he can’t take a medical expense loan out–the dentists usually have apps for that right there in the office, if this isn’t emergency work. If he’s in pain or it’s an emergency, I’d pay for him immediately. There are things that I don’t think need to be made into lessons and if it’s a crisis of sorts, I don’t want to get into that.
This is a gross generality, but I’ll make it anyway:
We on CC are quite lucky that if something were terribly wrong medically and our kid couldn’t handle it financially, we could step up to the plate and make sure it was taken care of.
A lot of people in this country can’t do that.
If it were something like a root canal, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Dental veneers to have bright whites, no.
ETA: you said non elective. Yeah, I’d probably pay. I’m a sucker for making sure my kids get necessary medical care. If he’s responsible normally, yeah, I’d help him out.
@greenbutton, from what I can glean of your situation and that of your son, I’d agree to a payment plan. I would make VERY SURE that there was a specific plan in place and that he would adhere to it.
If you had any doubt that he would comply with the plan without nagging on your part, I would let him pay the bill on his own and curtail his expenditures, with the private thought that you would bail him out–with a payment plan-- if absolutely necessary.
Part of growing up is learning that one ought to cook at home rather than getting take out because from time to time one has to pay a dental bill or buy fix a car.
Just wanted to repeat what sorghum said. Get a second opinion from another dentist. I won’t bore you with
the details, but second opinions saved me from having a very invasive procedure done…twice. 20 years later, it clearly wasn’t necessary.