Here's One Tough New York City Mama! And One Screwd Up School System.

Parent Cafe
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<p>For all of us who have or have had to deal with those messy teenage years, here is the ultimate toughlove Mom story. Her kid basically fails school and gets promoted anyway. And instead of being happy that he will be going forward, she alerts the media and demands that the city hold the kid back! Just don’t see that happening much anymore now do you? My favoirite line is when the paper interviews the kid and he says: “I don’t derserve all this. This is embarrasing.” You think? </p>

<p><a href=“FLUNK MY KID”>FLUNK MY KID;

<p>Seriously though, the school seems to hae really blow it when Mom spends all year telling her son that he’ll be left back if he fails, but the school prmotes him anyhow–because he eked out the needed score on his state NCLB tests. Just goes to show the failure of a system that cares so much about a kid’s numbers, and so little aabout the actual kid. We don’t know the whole story, but this boy needed some sort of help and clearly didnt get it. Three cheers for Mom!</p>

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<p>I wonder why Mom didn’t step in prior to the passing? Wasn’t she made aware at all that he was failing most of his classes. Anyway…I can see how it may have happened, (Mom not knowing), as I had a similar thing happen with my kid this year, (not failing but not keeping his grade up). I checked…talked with the teacher, and then talked with my kid… and all before the end of the school year.</p>

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<p>" All year, Hassell warned her 13-year-old son, Anthony Raimo, that he would be left back unless he buckled down.</p>

<p>Anthony paid her no mind. He never did homework. He clowned around in class. He missed 55 days of school - more than one out of four - simply because he refused to go. "</p>

<p>Seems like she was aware of the problem.</p>

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<p>Well…I am saying good for her. I maybe need to re-read it, as I wonder did she have any conferences at all. 55 days of school missed because he refused to go and he is 13, lol.</p>

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<p>I re-read and no mention of prior meetings with the school. Although it did mention she called after he passed. I still wonder why she did not seek help prior to his passing, (this sounds so strange…had to stop myself from writing failing, lol).</p>

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<p>It does seem as if there must be more this story than meets the eye, which we may not ever know. Did Mom drop the ball somewhere along the line? Probably. Does the kid have clinical emotional problems or is he just in those dumb adolsecent years? Has he had sever academic problems previously? We don’t know. And yes, maybe he IS just bored and would do better in a different school. (Good luck trying to transfer. Its damn near impossible in New York.) But something is screwed up when a kid can basically flunk school, tells his Mom that he will be promoted ayhow–and then is.</p>

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<p>I imagine that she did her best to get him to do his homework and go to school, and he would not comply. She was hoping that logical consequences would kick in, teaching him the lesson he needed, and they did not.</p>

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<p>That’s my read of it, MYMomof2.</p>

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<p>This is the same school in my neighborhood where I posted about the dean being illiterate. Some of you may remember the thread. This school is TOUGH, but in a beautiful neighborhood.</p>

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<p>

It looks to me like a reasonably bright kid who figured out what the system required and did it. My own son pretty much went all the way through school the same way - though my kid managed to get straight A’s with that strategy. But the point is, he figured out early on in every class how much factors like daily homework or class participation factored in – he’d do the math and do what he needed for a grade, no more. </p>

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I think this is probably true – this is a kid who figured out that he needed to pass a couple of tests to be promoted, and slacked off because he knew he could get away with it. It seems to me that the mom’s mistake was in misunderstanding the system and relying on the school to discipline her kid when he slacked off or cut classes. Maybe instead of threatening outside consequences that the son knew wouldn’t apply, the mom would have done better with at-home consequences that she could have enforced.</p>

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<p>Yeah, when you read a little closer it kind of looks as though the Mom is mostly PO’d that the schools didn’t help her with her family discipline, not that her son hadn’t learned enough of the “3 R’s” to qualify for the next grade. Raises a lot of interesting questions.</p>

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<p>“It seems to me that the mom’s mistake was in misunderstanding the system and relying on the school to discipline her kid when he slacked off or cut classes.”</p>

<p>It would be interesting to know the whole story. I’ve had 2 sons who were similar to that mom’s sons – extremely bright kids who were good test takers, and major procrastinators.</p>

<p>We tried: attaching privileges to doing homework; paying for organizational counseling and psychotherapy; ADD/ADHD medication; conferences with teachers; forcing kids to do their homework in front of us. Trust me, we tried everything, and spent a lot of time and money doing so. We also were active in the parent-teacher organization, went to open houses, etc.</p>

<p>By second semester kids’ senior year, we told them that it was up to them: We were pulling out of forcing them to do their schoolwork. Older S – who was carrying an “F” grade in his senior English class the middle of first semester even though he had a 750 v - managed to eke his way through and graduated with low honors, then went to college and got a below 1.0 average. This is the S that I learned my lesson with because he had managed to apply to college because – since he said he wanted to go to college – I structured his time and organized his applications.</p>

<p>As for younger S, we didn’t know if he was going to graduate from h.s. until a week before graduation. This is a kid whose v, m SAT was above 1500. Literally the day before grades were due, he was up all night writing lab reports and other things that were due much earlier. The rest of the senior class was having a nice time camping out at the school.</p>

<p>He graduated with no honors – a 2.7 or so unweighted. It was when he saw the various honor cords and things that his friends (who had similar SATs as he) got at graduation that he realized that, gosh, it would have been nice to have had a decorated robe!</p>

<p>He ended up taking a gap year because I didn’t structure his college apps, and he didn’t get around to applying as a senior. He did apply during his gap year, and now will be off to college – a nice LAC that gave him some merit aid. However, as a result of his senior year grades, his dad and I aren’t paying anything for his first year of college, so S will be taking out $20 k in loans. We had told S this when he was a senior in high school: If he blew it senior year in h.s., he’d have to earn his way by getting at least a 3.0 as a college freshman for us to financially supporting his college education.</p>

<p>S could have lived at home and gone to a 4-year public for free, but loved the LAC, so is taking his job earnings and loans to pay for his first year. </p>

<p>Anyway, I feel for that mom, and also applaud her stand. If you are fortunate enough to have kids who work up to their potential, you don’t know how hard it can be for parents whose kids don’t do that. The parents can be doing everything possible to help, but some kids don’t really “get it” until they fail or have other tough consequences.</p>

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<p>Piggybacking on Calmom’s post.</p>

<p>in the past the opposite used to be true; kids would pass in the class room, failed the standardized tests and still get promoted because they were “nice kids” who did their work and did not make waves (the crux of social promotion).</p>

<p>Anthony was just the opposite. He was a banchee in school, but he knew enough to meet the state requirements to go on to the next grade. The same thing will happen in the 8th grade. </p>

<p>If mom does not get a hold of the situation, he will be a planning interview away from an alternative program to get him out of day high school when he is over aged and undercredited as the school will have no shame in having him be an 18/19/20 year old freshman.</p>

<p>To me all that the story says is that mom was lacking in her due diligence to get the son the help he needs. I for one don’t understand her outrage. School in NYC is in session ~185 days a year and report cards are distributed on the last day. Where was she the rest of the year? How many parent teacher conferences did she attend? How many AP/ guidance/social worker meeting did she request to get help with her son (no mention of it in the story)? </p>

<p>At the end of the day, she was just an enabler as real tough love would have been to put him up as a PINS (person in need of supervision) if at 12/13 years old he just did not feel like going to school. Where was the kid the 55 days that he was out of school. If he was sitting up in the house doing nothing, why didn’t she bring the kid to school her self? Who is the adult and who is the parent here?It looks like the kid is running the show. Maybe they should have hauled her into ACS for educational neglect.</p>

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<p>do you have parent teacher conferences in middle school?
We haven’t since elementary.
Schools also use social promotion, because they cross their fingers and hope kid will get their ducks in a row eventually
Let the high schools deal with it :p</p>

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<p>I thank my lucky stars, NSM–sometimes it takes time for kids (often boys) to mature and find self-motivation. My father dropped out of high school, joined the military and had a 20 year career. After his retirement at age 37, he went to college (took classes throughout the 20 years) and got a PhD.</p>

<p>Here’s to hoping you won’t have to wait till your sons are 37…</p>

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<p>“Where was the kid the 55 days that he was out of school. If he was sitting up in the house doing nothing, why didn’t she bring the kid to school her self? Who is the adult and who is the parent here?It looks like the kid is running the show. Maybe they should have hauled her into ACS for educational neglect.”</p>

<p>Right on point. I think there is more to it than what was shared. And in NC, conferences don’t stop when a kid gets to middle school. The kids are responsible for giving the information to the parents, however, at our Middle School we get a courtesy call from the Principal usually the day of the conference as a reminder.</p>

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<p>Good Lord…this woman could be Victoria Gotti’s sister. I have a feeling all the teachers who had this kid were THRILLED when he passed the tests & was promoted. Northstar, I think your efforts were recognized by the school system & also by your boys. They’re just late bloomers who will get their acts together one day. </p>

<p>The kid in the article sounds incorrigible, yet agrees to pose for a Post photographer? Sounds as if he’s enjoying his 15 minutes of fame.</p>

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<p>I would have guessed the mother had to go to work and couldn’t ferry her recalcitrant son to school every day he stopped out, but the article says she is a “full-time mother of 3.” </p>

<p>Besides “passing” the material, the kid looks big for his age so I wonder if keeping him in 7th grade will help anything. Aren’t there truant officers anymore? Somebody needs to sit that kid’s butt in a classroom. And then sit him in front of his homework.</p>