Hi..can someone pls grade my uc prompt #2 essay pls!

<p>Hi…
i am working on the uc second prompt-
here is what i have got so far. And feel free to give me some comments!</p>

<p>Prompt #2-
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Being a leader, involves both neither power nor glory, either privilege or wealth. True leadership demands helping people become more than they would have been without you, showing them a path and guiding them along it; taking responsibility for arduous; repetitive, and often thankless tasks; and not only understanding but also contributing to the greater good. This definition of leadership that I strive to embody in my day-to-day life and this same definition has driven me to involve myself in myriad activities at both my school and in my community.
A leader’s challenges are always shifting, never ending. When I transferred to Homestead High School, as a sophomore, I was very different from. Without it, my transition to an American school would have been far more difficult, and I wouldn’t have achieved nearly as much as I have. The Homestead Orientation Program (HOP) gave me a touchstone, and made the school less alien for me because orientation was such a vital experience for me. I decided to join HOP program in 2007 as a leader. Every year, there were new students to Homestead.
Non-native English speakers have it rough like me. When I came to United States, I had a language barrier which was speaking clear English with an accent. And in addition to the vast pressure that every high school student faces, students who don’t speak English well or have accents also have to overcome the language barrier to even find simple, basic acceptance, and English is a tremendously difficult language to learn as a non-native speaker. To help my friends and others, I and my two other friends were elected as an ELD Commissioners at Homestead High School in 2009. But I was very honored to help out the EL students. My responsibility is to get these students involved in clubs and different school activities. In order to make this successful, we three commissioners have planned out different events throughout the year. Some of the events include El club fair, soccer tournament, spring carnival, and potluck.
I feel proud of the leadership that I have been in involved. When I call myself as a leader, I think of as being a mentor, one who acts as a role model or a hero for someone else. For example, a mentor can be a counselor, teacher, etc. who is willing to help out his or her students. I truly believe that in order to be a phenomenal leader, one must work hard, complete all of his or her tasks on time and be willing to help out someone.</p>