Hi- I am looking for someone, who can review my essay. Gre issue essay

In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field.

Response:

In the field of endeavor, often people get discouraged if they don’t see noticeable progress for a long time. At this time past achievements within that field play an important role. Past accomplishments is an inspirational source for people who are working hard to achieve their goals in the same field. It is true in the fields. All the famous people in the world are inspired by someone in the field who is more successful.

We all know about Facebook CEO, Mark Zakenbarg. He is one of the inspiration for many young businessmen. While working on to make company worldwide, he faced many problems. He always mentions that he is inspired by Steve Jobs, Apple Inc. CEO and Warren Buffet.

In the field of science, Scientists are working on making time machine from many years, they got very minimal success till today, but they are never discouraged to quit. One main thing which is working as a basis of their experiments and encouraging them is Albert Einstein’s work in the same field. He designed theories to work on this experiment at the time when it was hard to imagine this kind subject, and his achievements are influencing the work on modern scientists.

Thus, to start any endeavor it takes courage and after past achievements in the same field act like catalyst and help to continue working despite of all the disappointments. So, I agree with the argument that it is not possible to make significant contribution without getting influenced by past achievements in the same field.

Overall, many of the claims are left unsupported which seems to weaken the essay IMO.

In your paragraph about Mark Zuckerberg, maybe you could be a little more specific about how Zuckerberg was inspired by those people (not sure if this is actually true, but I don’t think GRE readers fact-check everything), or how he used previous results to develop Facebook.

In your paragraph about time travel, I haven’t heard of any real-life time machine – maybe a better example could suffice. Much of academic research builds on past results, so coming up with examples shouldn’t be too hard.

However, you could also consider the following: have there been any significant accomplishments that were not based on previous ones in the same field? If you can think of a couple, that might lead to a stronger essay in the other direction, IMO.

Several grammatical and spelling errors as well.

I’d probably give a 3/6, although take the score with a grain of salt.