getting divorced is mentally / psychologically overwhelming ! but it is not something that you need to be ashamed of or hidden. in fact it is better people know than to hide it.
One of the women on our tennis team is getting divorced, and I sort of pieced it together from some evidentiary facts (house on the market, not wearing her gorgeous wedding ring anymore). I asked her if she’s planning on staying in the neighborhood (because she was talking about how difficult it was to get the house ready to list), and she said she probably won’t because she’s looking at a lower price point. I expressed my sadness about her leaving the neighborhood, and hoped she’d remain with the team because she’s a nice person. I figured that was probably enough to express my sadness about the whole divorce/selling/moving situation without pushing her to talk about it too much.
I don’t see this as “hiding” the divorce, I see it as her not wanting to talk about something that’s extremely painful.
Years ago I worked with a young pharmacist my age and we shared the same first name Her large out of state family disowned her when she divorced. She changed jobs after the divorce. I called her once after she left. We had an opening and I thought she might want to come back. A few months later I heard she was found dead in bed. Morphine OD. MS Contin was later discovered missing from the hosptal where she worked. So sad and I think of her often when I hear about divorce. I always do my best to be kind, keep knowledge to myself and sympathetic
I was married right out of college and divorced 3 years later. We were both too young and immature to make it work.
I completely understand not wanting to talk about it. It’s a huge, highly visible failure, or that’s how it felt to me. And I knew it hurt my parents, and disappointed them. So yeah, it wasn’t my favorite topic of conversation at all.
I totally understand not wanting to talk about, so I’ve always just let her bring it up if she wants to, and surprisingly, she has on multiple occasions. Actually, she seems pretty content with it–like, it’s complicated and emotionally weird, but she’s also happy to be out of a relationship that no longer made her happy. I just try to be as supportive and empathetic as I can. I actually feel honored in a way that she feels close enough to me to open up. After all she’s done for me, being empathetic is the least I can do. She’s a really good person who made a careful choice in a difficult, highly emotional situation.