<p>I agree with those who say it’s “easier” to get your kid help when under the age of 18. I don’t even think they have enough life experience so even know how horrible “depression” truly is. They just lose joy and somewhat accept it as “normal” because to them, it’s what they know.</p>
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<p>We went through something similar and are still going thru it, to be honest. I am so very glad I have made it a point to never be too quick to judge parents by their children’s behavior/choices. Sure some just basically stick their heads in the sands hoping for a different tomorrow, but others are really doing the best they can with what they know at the time. It’s hard when you see a kid in pain who SAYS they just want to left alone or whatever to force them into what is surely an uncomfortable proposition for some, but sometimes parenting is harder than other times. And truthfully, it’s also a little humbling as a parent (especially one who has been a parent for a long time) to recognize their inability to be helpful or even know the answers!</p>
<p>While medication has not yet been suggested, I absolutely know our D was very much anti-therapy and we had to basically make it an ultimatum. We had a small window before she turned 18. We talked to her current therapist who said it usually was about three visits before kids would “see the light.” So we made the deal that D would go for 4 weeks and after that time, we’d reassess. She has never brought it up again and goes without complaint. </p>
<p>Here’s my opinion/experience. There is some legwork to do before telling your S you’ve decided that he really needs to give this a shot. It is difficult to find adolescent therapists, and harder still to find good ones. They are often very booked and in lieu of crisis (which is not what anyone wants), you might find yourself in a couple dead ends before you find some good people who have room. I think adolescents are so unique that it makes it even harder. If you don’t have referrals, I might go to my pediatrician, but I’ve also found they mostly refer people specializing in CHILDREN. I found our school counselor (private independent) very helpful. I also found a referral for myself to be very helpful because they in turn referred me to colleagues specializing in adolescence. And you know what else? If you have privacy concerns (and I admit you’re right to have a few), I would have no problem calling a private HS and asking to talk to their school counselor (if they have a website, they’re easy enough to figure out who they are) and I would simply ask them: “Who do you refer your parents/students to.” You absolutely want someone who understands this very particular age, cuz it aint everyone.</p>
<p>Then you’ll want to call and find out if they do parent consultations for potential patients under 18. I in no way suggest you view this person as you want to see them, but how your kid will see them. And, no offense, but it’s probably not going to be someone who reminds them of you or their other parent. </p>
<p>Hopefully, if you find someone you think he might find connection, that person can help you facilitate that conversation with your S. Often they’ll know the better way to present things to make it palatable vs “you have no choice and are doing what we say.” Of course, it may come to you actually saying that, but there are lots of ways to say the same thing which wont come off as threatening, scary, or insulting: “there’s something wrong with you.” </p>
<p>Honestly, I wish I had forced the issue of my D seeing a therapist when I first thought life had become sadder for her than it should be. I wish I had knocked thru those first few dead ends that were giving me 6 mo waiting lists etc. However, even though my own D was very therapy adverse, I think she now really likes her therapist who helps her develop more resilient coping mechanisms. For as much as my daughter values her independence, I think she finally gets that being independent is NOT dependent on being alone or never asking for help.</p>