I’ve been really struggling to socialize lately. I go to a commuter school and there isn’t much to do either event or club-wise - so I really haven’t made any connections at all the last 2 1/2 years that I’ve been going here. Because of this, I’ve been really feeling the desire to reach out to my much more successful high school friends that I haven’t even spoken to since graduation. Senior year of high school, my friends and I started drifting apart due to the fact that they were all going to ivy leagues and that I wasn’t. As a result of this, my friends began excluding me towards the end of the year and treating me like I “wasn’t their equal” anymore. This hurt me pretty deeply so I basically just never kept in contact with any of them for years thinking to myself “I’ll make better friends when I go to college” - which never happened. Although how they treated me really hurt me, I feel so desperate for people to interact with that I’ve been considering reaching out to them in the hopes that maybe they’ve changed. I have a sinking feeling that they haven’t, but I feel so alone all the time that it is becoming unbearable. Part of the reason I am so hesitant is because I’m afraid of giving them the satisfaction of knowing that I did (kind of) turn out to be a failure and that the school I go to really does suck… I don’t know if suddenly including them in my life again will just be giving them more information to gossip about me over.
I don’t know if it’s solely my depression pushing me to try to talk to them and that this is a really just bad idea…
But in the back of my mind, I still have hope that I can restore some kind of relationship with them that isn’t toxic.
There’s a line in the movie Sleepless in Seattle along the lines of “Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’tt want to be with you?”
Let’s first talk school. I went to 2 commuter schools: first community college, then university. And, like you, I chose not to be an active participant in campus activities. But that doesn’t mean they didn’t exist. Look at your school’s website-- I assure you, there’s lots going on if you only choose to find it and join up.
The reason I didn’t do that in college was because my social life at the time was all about the restaurant where I worked from the age of 16 until I started teaching. The other kids at that restaurant were my social life-- we carpooled to both schools, we had a ski house upstate and a summer place in the Hamptons, we hung out together when we weren’t at work. So I had no need for school activities; I was barely home as it was.
There are people just like you out there. They’re doing things and having fun, and they would be happy to include you. But they’re not going to knock on your door. It’s up to you to find them. some are in your college. Some are associated with your church or temple. Some are doing volunteer work in a cause that would also mean a lot to you. Some are at the gym, or taking courses because they like the subject matter.
Follow your interests and values, and do things that are important to you. You’ll find like minded people.
Same for me as @bjkmom . You need to make an effort to get involved in life as it is now, not over 2 years ago. Your post resonates with me. I used to view myself in a similar way, but I don’t now. You are not a failure simply for choosing a different path. I did maintain friendships with people from work and those I met at my community college, where I was a commuter. Your high school friends have moved on. Get involved with whatever campus activities you can find. Start socializing with work colleagues. Be active in your church, or start volunteering at a place that interests you. Moving backward to high school years isn’t going to satisfy you. You need to seek out people you share common interests with now. I think it’s not in your best interest to contact your high school friends after this long gap.