I remember once the family getting together with the newlyweds to open the presents.
The couple had done a bridal registry. One of the gifts they opened turned out to be a clock with a pharmaceutical name on it. It one of those gifts that vendors give out at conferences. We didn’t know how to react to that one.
When my brother got married 25+ years ago, they had over 500+ people at the reception and it was customary for people to give cash. They expected so much cash that they hired security guards for the wedding.
@QuantMech, I have a fondness for that clock now. When my MIL downsizes, she knows that I would love to have it back as a nice little symbol of our relationship.
I also got some Waterford crystal candlesticks and almost sold them to Replacements before moving recently. Photographed them, measured them, and then realized – damn it, they’re pretty! I kept them and they’re sitting on a mantle in the kitchen.
My Dad also gave me a crystal bowl once and I didn’t know what to do with it. I’m not the type to have fancy displays. Still, it bugged me that it was unused so one day I put it on a shelf and filled it with tea bags - the kind that are wrapped in paper so the flavors wouldn’t leech out or intermingle. People love sifting through the bowl to find whatever tea they’re looking for!
Spoke to mother of the graduate. Basically they don’t want gifts. They want cash so that the graduate can purchase things for college on her own. Parents don’t want to deal with gifts that can’t be returned or exchanged.
We got so many crystal bowls for engagement/wedding gifts that I did not know what to do with them - frankly I still don’t. The issue with those bowls is that they are so heavy they really cannot be used for serving as they are too difficult to “pass.” Also if you are serving a hot item, the bowl is too hot to pick up. I also do not really like a lot of “display” items crowding my table or counter tops so many of them, as beautiful as they are, sit in a corner of our pantry. I have one especially large crystal bowl that I use as a fruit bowl, though I am certain it was meant for something much more glamourous.
“The only time direct mention of a registry is condoned is on an enclosure to an invitation for a bridal or baby shower since these are thrown by other people and gifts are the purpose.”
I really wouldn’t get too worked up about it one way or the other. But I didn’t think it was “condoned.” I still always thought that was done word of mouth. That being said, I wouldnt have to sit down and fan myself if I saw a registry on a shower invite; saves me a step!
I go to many weddings, have gone to many showers, grad parties, etc. People don’t seem to be hung up on etiquete anymore. All kinds of things that cross the Posts’ rules. I always feel that it’s good to know what the “party line” is on these things, but it doesn’t bother me a bit if anyone doesn’t toe the line. If it ever gets too offensive for me personally, I’ll just not participate. These are not command performances. If they are intertwined with business, then one makes decisions as to how to play ball. I don’t spend much time thinking about these things.
From where I sit, it’s always been viewed as inconsiderate to bring a gift to a wedding (other than cash / check) - the bride and groom don’t have enough to deal with that day and now they have to schlep your toaster and food processor too?
Re Waterford bowls etc - I don’t think the younger generation seems to be into that stuff as much as we were. I have a Waterford decanter that I use for mouthwash so I get use out of it, and this is inspiring me to find other uses for all my other nice Waterford crystal that is collecting dust. I’d just as soon chuck it all - it seemed so very important back then but it doesn’t really feel important now.
Anyone want Orrefors? I have that…and don’t want it…and did NOT register for it!
The only time I personally think gifts should be mentioned is when someone writes “in lieu of gifts, please make a donation to blah blah blah charity”. We had a family member who got married. Sadly, her mom had died of cancer years before. The wedding couple chose a charity related to Cancer (the Jimmy Fund) and asked that donations be sent there. We were happy to do so.
We just got another one and the gift registry is one item…a honeymoon fund. You can pick what you want to fund on their future honeymoon. You know…for this couple it makes sense…and the honeymoon fund was NOT on their invitation…which I think would have been tacky.
I think the nature of gifts is changing. Most 20 something’s are not collecting things. They are collecting experiences…so money for a honeymoon seems fine to me. They will,enjoy that. They won’t enjoy Crystal or silver or dishes.
But back to the graduation party…give what YOU, the guest, feel comfortable giving. I understand the family wants something the kid can use for college, and that makes sense. I would get either a gift card to the campus books store, or one to Amazon. And really…if there are 300 guests and each is is expected to give $100 as a gift that would be $30,000 right? Even half of that would be $15,000.
How nice of the mother to tell you that their D wants cash lol!
I have to say that I don’t miss having kids in high school.
The horror of not getting exactly what you want or having to return things. How inconvenient 
For D1’s fairly formal sweet 16 party, a girl from a well to do family gave D1 a tie dye t-shirt. I don’t think it was even D1’s shirt size. It was clearly something they (most likely the housekeeper) grabbed out of their gift closet on the day of party. We ended up throwing it out. There were few other “are you sure this is for me” presents.
No question, you can get a tasteful present within your price point. Gift cards come in all amounts. You can write a check for any amount you choose.
I would get something that will be useful for the graduate.
I actually think that money is the best gift for most HS grads from most people. There will be exceptions.
The woman who told the OP she is buying a computer for the kid is probably making a big mistake. Most people want to order a computer to their own specifications, and most kids can probably do better with one of those deals at college.
These kinds of trends must hit my area slower than in other places. Every young wedding couple I’ve known in the past five years has registered for household goods. I have seen far less china and crystal on these things, but certainly dishes and glassware are on them. Most couples have multiple registries, Crate and Barrell, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and/or Williams Sonoma, etc.
You could send me your Orrefors, thumper1! 
I want the Orrefors… Actually, I still have mine from way back when. i think I was told “everyone needs to have China and crystal.”
My husband and I were laughing about the Orrefors at dinner. Neither of us likes it. It’s just not our style. If we had known that we were going to get it…despite having been very clear we didn’t want Crystal…we would have picked Waterford.
Agree…Crystal and China are not on current registries in many cases. Couples now are going for better cookware, kitchen aid mixers, decent knife sets, gorgeous linens, and the like. And honestly, that makes sense. It’s stuff they will actually use.
But back to this graduation party…lots of choices on gift cards…Amazon, BBB, college bookstore, even Target.
In our circle, “no boxed gifts” is the default for HS grads, “no gifts please, just your presence” is also not uncommon. If the kids were really close, they may do something personal with photos in addition, but we’ve never given something picked up off the shelf at Target. Just a card and a check. So much simpler.
" I have seen far less china and crystal on these things, but certainly dishes and glassware are on them. Most couples have multiple registries, Crate and Barrell, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and/or Williams Sonoma, etc."
In “our day,” it seemed that we all registered for both everyday dishes, glasses, etc. and fine china, crystal and silver. Nowadays it seems people are just buying everyday that can flex into special occasion and foregoing the fine, use-twice-a-year stuff. I seriously would sell my china, crystal and silver if only my husband would consent to it. I just don’t use it. And I’m not convinced my kids are dying for it either!
When H’s sister got married, some kind of climbing harness was on their registry which raised all sorts of interesting imagery in those with naughty minds. We got it for them, and also sent a book we found on Amazon called something like The Art of Erotic Knot Tying… just in case.