The only time direct mention of a registry is condoned is on an enclosure to an invitation for a bridal or baby shower since these are thrown by other people and gifts are the purpose. A link on a wedding website is also acceptable because it’s not a first party communication.
Otherwise, registry information can be sought out the old fashioned way, by word of mouth. Guests do not have to buy off the registry just because there is one.
The wedding reception invitation does have a web page, and that has links to where they are registered, although it also mentions where on the invite. ( at least they mailed it- it looks very nice- photos of the couple on both sides, it was even in an envelope!
I wasnt registered when I was married 34 yrs ago, and D wasn’t when she married last year, so it’s new to me.
I did ask my sister if it was alright if I sent something there, but I also noticed that where they are registered it says " no wrapping please". I didn’t know if they are trying to save folks money by not having them wrapped or if they simply think its wasteful. I guess it is kind of silly, to pay $5 to have it wrapped.Its bad enough some companies still use styrofoam in their packing materials.
What I thought of with no boxed gifts was that they didn’t want any contraband to be hidden by the wrapping paper.
I’m dying to know what exactly they meant by that after all this speculation. Let us know if you ever find out from them! @raclut
I’m surprised that bringing a gift to a wedding ceremony is now considered to be inconsiderate. Oops. I guess I figured that since everyone I know had to haul the gifts home afterwards, and we all managed, that it was part of the whole wedding deal. I do see how sending it ahead makes it easier though… But I really never thought that I was engaging in a social faux pas. Something I will consider carefully going forward.
I am guessing no one wants to take the responsibility of hauling all the presents from the reception to back home.
That would fill a couple of cars. Also in big hotels or banquet halls sometimes there are multiple receptions going on.
Usually I have seen a table at an entrance. I believe guests have sometimes entered the wrong hall and mistakenly left their presents at the wrong table or they could have gotten misplaced. This is what I have experienced.
I am assuming for this reason a couple may request no boxed gifts to be brought to the reception and may prefer to have them shipped home.
This morning while watching the news I heard about a couple doing a housewarming registry.
I would imagine that a graduate could probably do a registry for gifts too.
i can certainly understand a couple PREFERRING this. For a couple to state a preference is just wrong, tacky, you name it.
I’m not registered.
I wrote nothing on my invitations except for a piece of paper with how to RSVP.
If I’m tacky, so be it. Truly don’t care what outsiders think of us and no one in my circle of family and friends would ever think twice about the fact that we implicitly want money over physical gifts.
My wedding is four hours away from where we live. I make no apologies for not wanting to lug stuff home. I’d much rather not have presents at all than to rent a U-Haul to take things 4 hours away (my tiny little car just won’t cut it to move gifts).
Given how often the word “tacky” is thrown around though, it’s really lost any meaning to me that it might’ve had at some point.
Target is actually trying to push their new-graduate registry.
I don’t think it is tacky to let people know your preference, as long as it is reasonable. I much prefer to know than spending time guessing. Whether something is tacky or not is based on social norm, and it can be different for different region/culture. I don’t think it is for people to judge.
I do think that, at some point, we’re tacky if we continue to label that family. They did what they did. Move forward. Go or don’t go.
@romanigypsyeyes, Where did you get the idea that not registering for presents is tacky? All that means is that you aren’t focused on a wish list, thinking of gifts, or expecting anything at all. Not registering in no way implies that you want cash or “no boxed gifts.”
Romani, the vast majority of gifts if you register will be sent to your house. What I’ve done and found is that people bring money to the wedding and if they send a gift they send it to the house.
I don’t think they will transport the gift to the reception for you to transport home.
It’s been stated on cc many times in wedding threads that any push towards wanting cash and only cash is tacky, explicit or not.
Btw shipping to house isn’t an option since I’m not sure where I’ll be living.
You can always specify on the registry that you would pick up the item at the store, if they have a physical store. So if there are some living supplies you need, you could choose a national chain for your registry.
It may be that security of gifts could be an issue at some venues. I don’t think it’s so crazy to ask people not to bring gifts to the reception if somebody would have to guard them.
I just can’t figure out how to politely tell people that you only want cash. Perhaps you could register at a bank?
Romani, the gifts would not have to be shipped to your house. But to your parents house or your IL’s. Wherever you need them to and will be living there. It was traditional to have wedding gifts shipped to the brides parents home, that’s how I remember it.
You don’t have to register if you don’t want to. Some people do like that option and like to pick out things that the couple want. But if it’s not something you are comfortable with, don’t sweat it.
@romanigypsyeyes, It’s true that requesting cash is rude. But you aren’t requesting anything at all, implied or explicit! If you read something on CC that made you think it’s inconsiderate not to register, that was misinformation.
It’s ironic that you believe this, since it was originally having a registry that was considered the presumptuous thing, One well known etiquette advisor still dislikes them. The whole reason why the registry has to be an arms length discovery or the guest has to actively seek it out is so the couple is not appearing to solicit.
I didn’t have a registry when I got married (for various reasons). Well, we ended up getting a handful of gifts that I suspect were rewraps. No receipt, no way to exchange them - that is bad.
We got not one, but two, crystal clocks! One had the remnants of a price tag so I exchanged it at Macy’s for a waffle iron (I know, I know…) that I love and we still use. The other one was Waterford but had no tag but my MIL loved it so I gave it to her. There were a few other things that were worse but we had a good laugh over them. Ironically, all these flubs came from professional friends of my in-laws, all from NY, and likely from a ‘quid pro quo’ gifting culture. I don’t think any of them attended our wedding which would have been a far trip for them. I did send thank you notes!
lol, Hunt! Registering at a bank for a wedding!
Based on greenwitch’s post, and then extrapolating wildly, I wonder whether liking Waterford crystal clocks is a generational thing. I have one and love it–just like greenwitch’s MIL.
Do people who are marrying in the current time frame not like them?
Also, my go-to gift for couples I know a bit, but not especially well, is often a Waterford crystal bowl that could be used for salads or fruit, or for decoration. Mine is currently sitting on my piano with Christmas bulbs in it (still–see Bag a Week club thread). But I really like it. Is this another thing the current generation would hate?
In a last-ditch attempt to tie this query to the thread topic, this would definitely be a boxed gift! But I would send it to the house ahead of time.